First time posting. Waw and trying to repair

[OhGreat]

First thing I did btw. I didn't throw her out bc of what bd 1 was, but I did reclaim all of my space and control over my home.

[Tyler12]

Found the detachment thread by coach and it's pretty much answering my last post. Loving this site!

[Tyler12]

I plan on getting my home back. It's going to be a long road as my attitude and demeanour over our R has made her the pant wearer. She is the one that want to leave and she. Ant because she can't afford it now and I am not helping her move. Tho some days I do want to say here's your stuff here's the money. Go. Haha.
She chose this not me and she needs to put in her big girl panties and deal with what she created. Each day gets better and i feel more confident in myself and what I want to do/ be.

[Tyler12]

Leaving the house this morning I called out. Have a good day I love you! I was talking to my boys who are 3 and 10 months. W replies have a good day. So I. Stopped walking out and said. Boys. I said I love you and have a good day. My 3 yr old said he loved me. I felt it necessary to specify my intention of what I said only because I love you was part of it. If it was just have a good day I would have left it. I need to be more careful with what I say or how I word things I was upset that it could have been considered a slip by W of me saying I love you.

[Tyler12]

This started when she texted me to have a good day and I said you too.
Me :I have felt like you are upset and frustrated the last few days. Are things alright with you?
W: Yah im fine. It just feels like u dont want me around so im trying to stay out of the way
M: I understand why you feel that way. And it's not the case. I am stressed about school this year and it's taking a lot of my energy to try and stay focused on it.
W: Well it has been like this since long before school
Me: Not wanting you around isn't the case. I feel like you don't want to be around and it's not that I am staying out of your way, it's that I need to be happy for me and the kids, so I do stuff that I enjoy doing. Like playing with the boys. Making supper. Walking Molly. If you want to be part of what I am doing great. If not I am not going to enjoy it anymore or less. I still think about you and care about you, at the same time I am thinking and caring for myself
W: It just feels like im stepping on toes being at the house, and it feels weird if i try to do anything with the boys.


So this is where it's left off. I don't know if I am talking too much or if the communication is good. It feels good to me. But what she last sent I am not sure how to approach that. I feel like I should say well you decided this is best for you and you have chosen to distance yourself from the children and myself. You made your bed now you don't want to sleep in it? I am not sure how to proceed

[Mona52]

I would let her proceed. There is nothing you can say or do to help her right now, but there is a ton you can say that will put you further behind. So my advice is to get out of this conversation about how she feels quick. No replies. She did not ask you a question, so you dont have to reply.

The main thing is she does not want help with the way she feels. If you offer help or suggestions or even opinions, it will push her away. fast. If she brings up her feelings, just validate and dont say anything one way or another.

"i can understand why you would feel that way. What should we make fore dinner?"

"I am sorry if that stresses you, do we need milk from the store?"


I loved your " If you want to be part of what I am doing great. If not I am not going to enjoy it anymore or less." Nice work!!

[Azzork]

1) Why did you start this conversation? How is this anything BUT an R talk?

2) Why are you telling her about your needs? She truly doesnt give a cr@p about them. Dont say in words what you can do in actions.

3) Why are you saying so MUCH? Your texts are twice as long as hers. You should shoot for 80% of hers, not double!

4) "So what would you suggest?"

[Azzork]

So my advice is to get out of this conversation about how she feels quick.

I agree with this. This is a DANGER conversation that never should have been started.

No replies. She did not ask you a question, so you dont have to reply.

That said, I dont think you can stop right yet. But anything that you say will dig you a hole. So let her do the talking.

The main thing is she does not want help with the way she feels. If you offer help or suggestions or even opinions, it will push her away. fast. If she brings up her feelings, just validate and dont say anything one way or another.

Whole heartedly agree.

[Tyler12]

I realize that I am saying too much right now. I am quite happy that I did recognize I am going too in depth and have said nothing since we last text. This is an R talk. And I did initiate conversation but not with the intention of R talk. That was her I feel. Although yes I said way too much and focused on myself. That is something I need to work on curbing. I will end this convo by saying I can't say I understand how she feels this way because I don't. She chosen to leave and distance herself and now she feels uncomfortable? Her choice her consequence.

[Tyler12]

All I said back was I'm sorry you feel this way. The reply I got was Well thats how it is. But whatever. So conversation over She can feel sorry for herself all she wants.