Hi Jpeg, Thanks for your comments on my thread. NYGal
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Azzork thank you I can use it. Now H just texted me to have papers ready for him tomorrow. Do I answer? These are papers I signed months ago ( to determine pension value) and as far as I know my lawyer has submitted them. I almost don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing they have been signed BUT I also don't want him coming over. How do I stay NC with this? - should I just say "contact your lawyer" ?
Jpeg - yes, it's that simple. D is business. He has someone to represent him in business. Informing you to "have papers ready" is part bullying, part temper. Boundary time.
Anything related to D goes through L, not you. Stick to that. It will really help you get through this.
Jpeg, I know your heart. I know you don't want this. I know you never wanted this.
Nonetheless, it is happening. It's been happening for a while now. Your H is currently as lost as mine. What are we going to do?
We're going to face the fact that nothing we do will change the course our H's are currently determined to be on. We're going to feel that heartache, and then move past it. We're going to be the best mothers to our children that we can possibly be. We're going to realize that if our H's had their way, we'd be in a real struggle financially, so we're going to look after our own best interests legally.
What else is there right now? Struggling with acceptance just keeps you in one spot - hurting. You don't want to feel this way forever, do you? Cut him loose. Leave him to his folly. I'm not saying help him with his D! Just work on the realization that absolutely nothing you do will change his mind. He thinks he has to do what he's doing.
This is heartbreaking, awful, painful, and lonely. I love my H. You love your H. We'll both miss them, dreadfully. But, let's be the best we can be in the meantime. We owe it both to ourselves and our kids.
I know you believe in God and prayer. You have me, and many others here to help hold you up when you need. You have your children. Jpeg, you're in so much better shape than you realize. Don't get stuck thinking about what you don't have. Focus on what you do, and move forward from there. It will help you begin to heal that broken heart.
MLC can be so bizarre. Someone you're closer to than anyone else on earth and who has always loved you, cherished you, etc. becomes completely unrecognizable and has the capacity to crush you. It's really traumatizing. It's hard to know what to do. These type of sites are pretty good at helping to navigate a MLC. Sometimes the plan works. Sometimes it doesn't.
I truly believe that people like your husband, if he doesn't wake up and continues down this path, end up alone and bitter. No loved ones by their side at the end and nobody at their funerals. That's a sad way to go out just because of a stupid MLC. His relationship with the chippie is doomed to failure. The odds are overwhelmingly against him. Nothing borne out of such extreme lies and betrayal can last. You just have to hope and pray they snap out of it before it's too late and you have truly moved on with your life. If that happens then I guarantee at some point he'll wallow in regret that he made the hugest mistake of his life. Those tales are so common. If only the MLC didn't have such a powerful hold on some people.
I am so sorry for you but I agree, you have to worry about yourself at this point. You still have a lot of life ahead of you and it can be wonderful or not, depending solely on you.
You had no say in any of this that has happened to you but you do have full say in how you respond/react/recover from it.
Hi Jpeg, I came by to see how your doing today. How are the daily struggles going? I am trying to acknowledge them when the arise and then release them. It seems to work on the small stuff, bigger stuff is more of a challenge. Be well
Ancaire, I'm sure you weren't aware of this, but we aren't allowed to post the links to other sites on the Forum. Cadet posted a reminder about this in his first posting on the thread called Board Policies and General Info for Newcomers at the top of the Forum.
Thanks TX, that helped me too. This may also help from old threads by Reality Trip:
Start practicing your mantras.....
I remain calm in the face of fear. I remain calm in the face of pain. I remain calm in the face of anger. I remain calm in the face of surprises. I remain calm in the face of anything. I remain calm.
I breathe into the fear. I breathe into the pain. I breathe into the anger. I breathe into the surprises. I breathe into anything. I breathe.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
