MB, I'm so hopeful for you. You have a chance to make this work! There are a lot of success stories, and I hope you can read many of them to get pointers on how to respond to your H and this new situation you are in.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Thank you NyGal. I will read up on that thread. It's nice to find a success story because it gives me at least a little hope that this can work out..
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
And see, you thought he didn't check to see of you were home and he did. And that was after he said he was done and you were crazy and after doing all the crying, pleading and begging we both did oh so well...not! Lol. I can just imagine if you can stick to your guns and not initiate contact and GAL and work on MB, how that can affect your situation. Now THAT'S what im talking about!!!
Thanks for the words of encouragement over on mine. Very nervous and very scared I will screw this up and instead of leaving him with a "good feeling" after, that he will be further convinced we are better off apart.
Rain
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
Well, they just called me off again tonight. That gives me ZERO hours at work this week. You've got to be kidding me! Not sure how they think I'm going to pay my rent and feed my kids if I never get to work.
Yes, I didn't have much of a life, but I was trying to get one. Apparently, he did notice that I wasn't at home, that completely surprised me. I'm just not sure how that's going to work a second time. Wish there were more people on here that would offer me advice on what to do and how to proceed. I really don't want to screw this up again.
When H pulled the rug out from under me again on the 1st, BEFORE the OW came waltzing in, I was talking to him about the situation. He had just admitted to me that he knew it was HIM and not me because when he tried to replace me with her, the same problems were there. I told him that I understood the look on his face and it was panic and anxiety and that he couldn't trust that fear because it wasn't real. He said that all he wanted to do was sit on the couch and not move. I told him that that was the depression that he'd been feeling for a LONG time. He HATES Drs and REFUSES to take medication, but he was crying and apologizing to me for doing this again after he said he wouldn't. So, I asked him (through my own tears) if he would PLEASE go see a doctor so they could help him. He kind of agreed, but not completely. Then, after he fixed my car the next night and I was talking to him in his truck, he was back to the pulling away and not wanting me to even be near him mode. I really tried to stay calm, but that ended up coming out as me questioning and trying to change his mind. Pretty much because I was questioning him and trying to change his mind!! Anyway, after I had completely pushed him away and upset him till he was crying, I told him that I would call & make him an appointment and asked him to please go so he could get some help. He didn't say yes, but didn't say no so I called to make an appointment for him today. UGH, they only want to schedule him with the doctor in that office that he hates. I told them that the main Dr in that office agreed to see him as a favor to me (and he did, but it was MONTHS ago). They said they would check with him and call me back in the morning. If he agrees to see him, and if H decides he will go, he will have an appointment on Friday. PLEASE, DEAR GOD LET HIM GET THE APPOINTMENT AND GO SEE THE DOCTOR ON FRIDAY!!! If he would just take some antidepressants and perhaps some Xanax, he might just be able to cope with his MLC and life in general. I have an IC appointment Wednesday. I'm beginning to loose hope that IC is going to help me. I feel like I just sit there and cry and never resolve anything or feel any better.
Okay, it's time for me to go and take some deep breaths before I jump out of my own skin. Really feeling the need to go to H house and put my art around him, but I know he would just roll his eyes and not reciprocate. Just trying to get through the next 5 minutes at this point.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
I wonder what it means when they say it's them and not us. And when they say they hate themselves for doing this. And when they say if only I had never let the OP in. Or if only I could get the OP out of my life. I never knew what to say when W would say those things to me. You can only say "I understand" so many times and that's about the only statement I remember to pull out!
There are so many parallels between our different situations. We humans are so complicated and so predictable. It's like someone created the script and it's implanted in our brains and we can't help but spew the same old tired lines over and over. Like ILYBNIL or "it's not you, it's me" or "it's not me, it's you." Have we all heard these lines or what?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Sadly. Yes it seems we've all heard those lines. I've been following your thread NYG. I am so screaming and cursing him and the OW and now little girls straight to hell. Glad it helped you.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
Rain, I am so very sorry that your x fiancé is such a selfish stupid insensitive jerk. It's bad enough to put you on the back burner when you have stood by him and loved him, but to choose those girls over his own kids is just heartbreaking. I hope he comes to his senses soon before the kids realize that he is making them a non priority. At least they have you to be there for them, love them, and support them through this. You can do this and when your kids are older, they will know that YOU were there for them when he was not. I do know that from experience! My kids have always known they can count on me, but they know that their dad has never been there for them. It has left scars on them, but we just deal with it the best way we can and they have never doubted that they are loved. Just remember that he is the looser and your kids will know that when they are older. Let them figure it out on their own though.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Maybe you need a new IC for yourself. And I would guess the vets would be asking you why you are making appointments for him.
OMG! I honestly never even thought twice about it! That's just what I do. I see a problem, or someone that's hurting or needs help and I try to fix the problem. I KNOW that he's going through his MLC and that he is having panic attacks. I don't want him to hurt and I KNOW that antidepressants and antianxiety meds will help him and possibly allow him to be with me. So, for that reason, and because I don't like to see him in pain, I just wanted to help him. It never occurred to me that I shouldn't, but you are absolutely right. I should have just butted out. The doctor that they tried to set him up with is someone he wouldn't have gone to see because he hates her. The only way for him to get in to see the other Doctor is if I pull strings to make it happen. So, this isn't really something he could have even made happen on his own. And, although that is a true statement, it just sounds like I'm trying to justify and perhaps I am. Apparently when he pulled the rug out from under me again, he shook me up so badly that I can't even think straight yet. UGH! I have got to get a grip! Thanks for pointing my error out to me, I really wouldn't have ever thought of it myself.
And, as for the vets, none of them seem to be commenting on here at all so I'm not thinking they would have said anything at all about it!
I really do hope that I start getting more hours at work. This is ridiculous! I can't survive on no paycheck.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
