Just to Echo wise Sotto words , your W is tasting reality now and let's see. I would advise patience because the cheese less tunnel she's in could be a long one !!!
Yeah, I remember Sotto; hindsight is a wonderful thing!
W brought over the kids earlier. They're staying the night. She was in a really pissy mood about something. Really distant and edgy, staring out of the kitchen window - again. Anyway, we're both going to get our D's birthday present tomorrow (a bike) so that should be 'different'. I don't think we've been together in a car since July.
Yeah, the Bailey's was good (what a girl's drink eh?) and that was the problem, I just didn't realise how much was going down as it was so smooth. Feel a lot better now. I will not drink alone in the house, even if it's just to mellow out, again! Drink will only be consumed at GAL activities from now on.
She's dug herself in to a huge cheeseless tunnel; it'll be interesting to see how she digs herself out.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Took the kids on the big wheel in Edinburgh today. Where I work we co-funded the activities, so we got free tickets! I took some photos at the top and sent one to my SD and to W. Part of me was showing how much of a good time the kids were having, another part of me wanted to show her what she was missing.
Anyway, she replied as to how happy they looked. I agreed. When she came to pick me up to go and get my D's bike, she was in an even pissier mood than yesterday. I'm guessing that because me and the kids had had such a great day, and she was working or in her flat, it had really annoyed her. She was doing her huffiest, nastiest talking voice. I actually chuckled to myself as I think she has maybe realised that I'm not that crushed man from the summer anymore.
Off for a cheeky GAL event tonight. It's a club that I've never been too before and the music not's really my taste, but it'll be good to get out for a while.
Sadly, my D doesn't understand why I'm not invited to the birthday meal that my W has booked for her, her friend, my S, my SD and one of W's friends and daughter. She started crying, but I ran out of ways of trying to make an excuse, so just had to tell her that 'Mummy didn't want me to go'. D is going to make W's life hell all night about that as she told me she was going to tell my W that she wanted me to come.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Back from my GAL activity which was surprisingly good! I now know what Prosecco tastes like (vile) and that I didn't mind the music after all. I might even try it again!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Did you get a separation agreement when you both moved out of the house?
How have you dealt with the financials?
Does the 2 yr no fault divorce timeline start from the day of physical separation or when the divorce is filed by either party?
What is the shortest timeline that my W can use if she files tomorrow? NB there is no adultery,abuse, separation, or other reason for filing.
Do you have any online resources for divorce technicalities for the UK?
I see you are on couple connection site? Is it any good?
Sorry for the long list and best wishes to you both.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Huddy! Prosecco vile?!? Tell me it isn't true. Does this mean you're a beer man? I love Prosecco. Of course, I don't drink it anymore, but I remember being a fan of it. Although I did tend to mix it with orange juice or peach nectar. Yummy!
Hi IS, I can answer for myself and will let Huddy provide his answers
Originally Posted By: isittoolate
Huddy/NDY - a few questions
Did you get a separation agreement when you both moved out of the house?
I didn't no. We attempted this via mediation but those sessions broke down. Once the L's were involved everything changed as ExW was being very unfair.
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How have you dealt with the financials?
Everything is 50/50. To sell the house you need an interim agreement. This is a legal document that the L's will draw up. But both my ExW and I have decent salaries so neither one is dependent on the other. In Scotland that means neither can claim any form of maintenance.
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Does the 2 yr no fault divorce timeline start from the day of physical separation or when the divorce is filed by either party?
In Scotland it starts from the agreed separation date.
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What is the shortest timeline that my W can use if she files tomorrow? NB there is no adultery,abuse, separation, or other reason for filing.
If the D isn't disputed in Scotland it's still 2 years. If it is disputed it's 5 years from separation date but I'd double check with your own L on this as it may be different in England.
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Do you have any online resources for divorce technicalities for the UK?
Yes, lots but unfortunately we can't post links to other sites here. There is a plethora of resources available if you do a search, especially for 'Dads' (hint hint) that are divorcing.
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I see you are on couple connection site? Is it any good?
NOt sure what this means?
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Sorry for the long list and best wishes to you both.
No problem. One thing I would say though is always seek proper advice from a real L. Above is only my experience so please take it with a pinch of salt. I'm not a L and not qualified to advise in anything Legal.
Cheers
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I would see a few L for a free 30 min consultation. All in the UK do that as far as I am aware. Go with your circs and assets set out on a page of A4 - plus a list of Qs to ask them.
The 2 years starts from day of physical S. Your W could do what my H did and file on unreasonable behaviour grounds. The bar is pretty low on what constitutes UB.
There is some useful info on the gov.uk site - and if you google a few of your Qs, many solicitors have good fact sheets. I recall reading some of the stuff be 'Terry's' which was useful.
It helps to get to a point of knowledge, and then you can make informed decisions....
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hope you're doing OK. It's gonna be tough, but you will get through this.
Practical matters need to be at the front of your planning right now. It'll be difficult to avoid the emotional grief, but you have to get your head together or you will be a physical and mental wreck which will be no good for you or your kids.
My W went to a L to try and force me to get a separation agreement. Now the law in the rest of the UK might be slightly different, but here in Scotland, if you enter in to one, they are administered by the court, and only a Sheriff (Judge) can alter the terms. Well, that didn't suit me, so I decided not to sign. That is perfectly within your rights, but you have to make sure you're not gonna get $crewed over by your W. Who pays the bills? Who earns the money? Who's taking responsibility for the kids? If you can't agree this mutually, then I would suggest that you get one. I would also suggest you get legal advice. I waited, thinking like all LBS's that your W will just spring back - don't. This is time for action. You don't have to carry out any recommendations, but knowledge is power.
Financially, we have sold the house, paid off our dues and split what's left. As for maintenance payments etc., there is a formula on the .gov website that tells you how much you are legally require to pay. In my case I simply quoted this to my W; she wasn't happy as she seemed to think she should be getting a whole lot more, but I told her if she wanted to challenge the amount, as the aggressor, she would have to pay the costs and on-going costs. Trust me, they soon back down when you show how serious you are and that you are confident in the knowledge that you have. My bud NDY told me this and it worked. Knowledge and confidence is the key. Heed the words of sandi2 about confidence.
I believe the two year rule starts from the quoted day of separation. This also applies to things like pensions etc.. This is worth knowing as if it does come to a D, your W will only be entitled to 50% of your pension from the day you got married to the day you separated, and no more. So, let's say you are now separated (if that's a mutually agreed date and it's documented) and you get a massive chunk of money put in to your pension, she would not be able to claim on that slice. If this makes sense, good, if not, again check out the pension section of the .gov website and talk to your L.
Again, the law may vary in the rest of the UK, but as long as there is no abuse etc., you can go for a divorce after one year in Scotland, as long as both parties agree, or it can be progressed by either of you after two years. Note, unless you have agreed childcare arrangements, you will be legally required to attend counselling to ensure the children's welfare. You will not be granted any kind of separation or divorce until the children's future is secure. If either of you can't agree, the court will decide. Beware, this is hideously expensive, so try and agree beforehand.
All the online stuff is on the .gov site and I think there is a site called 'single dads' or something like that. Try and avoid the Dad's Justice stuff as there are a lot of people on there who is very bitter and spout nonsense.
I don't know about a couple connection site - me and NDY have met and had a beer, and intend to meet again.
Hopefully you're not gonna need all this stuff, but for now, youneed to take back some of the initiative and don't be bullied by your W in to anything that you don't want. Remember, it's your life and you need to be happy 12/18 months down the line.
Hope this helps.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
