Recent Hurricane 2

[trumpet]

Nate,

Trumpet here. I'm the king of 'no pressure, take all the time you want', and then a day later I'm forcing a R talk.

I'm truly done talking about 'US' until the W wants to talk about US, and it will be a small conversation at first. Zeus in another thread helped me to understand that I can't go 90% of the way and count it as 'good enough'. No pressure is really letting my W have ALL the space she needs.

I think logically. I go from step A to B to C. I can think on my feet - thus, I'm in sales. It seems my wife 'chunks' the travel from A to B to C, and it isn't at a constant speed or linear travel.

I never realized how much FOG is in a WW. The only way to clear the fog most of the time is time.

[NateG79]

Thanks trumpet. It really hadn't been me though. Just this lastime, and I hadnt planned for it to go that way. I've been very good at not bringing it up. The W had been very chatty today, even doing a lot of snap chats to me.

[NateG79]

Lots of snapchats today. Very odd. She had to come to my place to pick up D2 so she could stay the night with her. She hasn't had her in a week. We were....friendly I guess. Went over to babysitter's so D2 could open her presents from them. Babysitter made a big deal about how much weight I've lost (169 lbs. and lean), my clothes looked sharp and how handsome I looked and if she was younger she'd be chasing after me. W said nothing, lol.

[NateG79]

Coaching session. It was a bit rough as I had to recover and rehash a lot of old stuff since I was talking to a new coach because I couldn't get in with my regular one. She did say there were some vital signs being shown, but only time will help. Baby steps, work on being a friend again first, but stay detached from Ww's emotions. Mainly because they will be erratic. She asked if I thought the events that happened over the last couple of days actually ended the A. I staTed that of course, there was no real way to know if they are indeed NC. Only the WW mentioning how much of a chicken $#@% OM was about not stating or defending that he was actually "in love" with her, felt he was just stringing her along and she was taking all the risks. The truth? Who really knows. Have another coaching week from tomorrow with regular coach.

[NateG79]

Wife dropped off the D2 this morning before going to work. Texted me and told me she had spun out on the ice, hit a pole and damaged the back end of car and the muffler. Told her I hope she was okay, and to let me know how it goes today. Calied me a few minutes later to tell me about the crash, her back and hand was sore. I told her I was glad she was okay, but sorry she was hurt. Told her I'd loak at it when she came by to pick up D2.

[trumpet]

Wow, that's some detachment, Nate!

Great job!

Man, that is awesome. Thanks for sharing. Let me know what she talk to you about later - I'm sure she'll have something to say.

[trumpet]

Any update, Nate?

[NateG79]

Yes. A few things.
Wife has not had daughter for most of the week. I know she's been missing her. For new years, the original plan was that W was going to have D2. She texted me later in the day asking that if she were to go out with a group for work, to celebrate the end of "the year of hell" (her words), would I be able to watch D2. My original plans had Fallen through, so I said it was okay. I originally thought when she texted me, that she wanted to go out with me, but she said she wasn't ready for that emotionally. She went out, didn't get a text or anything saying happy new year, which kind of hurt. She also told me that she wasn't happy right now, just in general, and that she'd been very bogged down in her feelings. I simply let her vent, and just validated her feelings. More to come in a bit

[NateG79]

Now, the laSt couple of days.
My sister came in from Dallas, and my W was supposed to have her for the weekend, but she wanted for my sister to spend time with her, so we kept her at my place. W came over Friday and stayed at the house to see D2 for a couple hours. I got off from work early and went home while W was still there. My sister claims that W was "checking me out" a few times when I wasn't looking. Dunno if that's true or not. W left, and I took sister to go see Star Wars for her first time, 3rd for me. Good times.

[NateG79]

Yesterday morning she gets up and is texting me. Says she has gotten up twice. Tells me she's in a difficult head space because of a dream she had involving me. This is the conversation.

Her:I just woke up from a bad dream about you and it's left me in a difficult head space
I dreamt that you were at work and Linda had cora and you were supposed to bring Cora to me but showed up alone. When I asked you where cora was you said she went somewhere with linda and she died! I started screaming at you, you were so calm. You then said that one of Linda's friends was who died while cora and Linda were with her and Cora was just pushed off to the side kinda while linda dealt with her friend. I was furious that you didn't go get her you said you weren't gonna miss work for that, I was livid as to why you hadn't reached out to me to go get her. I tried to calm down and speak with you rationally but you weren't interested. Said your counselor told you not to listen to me, to do your own thing. I yelled and begged and pleaded for you to listen to me please. For you to tell me where cora was so I could go get her. You just got in the car and drove off. I just fell to the cement bawling. Saying I hate him I hate him.

Me:I understand that's a difficult dream. But, if you're going to hold things against me I haven't done, and invent resentments, then I won't be here while you visit

Her:I had no intention of doing that. I am not mad at you for the dream. I understand completely that it was just a dream. I was actually trying to be vulnerable and open up to you and share with you something I was going through. Was that a mistake?

Me:No, it wasn't. I know you're going through something hard. And I'm sure that dream left you with some lasting effects. I'm just trying to say I don't want to be punished for that, that's all.

Her:I would never do that. That is not the type of person I am. I can see where you may feel you reactively need to put up your gaurd but honestly nate have you ever ever known me to be vengeful or want to intentionally punish anyone? That is just not who I am.

Me:I get that. I really do. And please know, I'm not that callous. I appreciate that you understand my feelings, and instead of me just reactively responding, I'm trying to talk more about those feelings. You're right, I do have a tendency to put up a guard, but this is me being vulnerable to you now.

Her:Ok well let's talk about little. It is hard for me to see how you really don't know who I am as a person after all the years we spent together. I know I have changed a lot in the last year and I respect you saying that you don't know who I am anymore but I have never ever been the type to intentionally punish people. It makes me very sad that you don't know me enough to know that.

Me:I can see that. It's not that I haven't known that about you. I have. My view has become skewed in all this. Not your fault, just a result of my mental trauma and turmoil.

Her: I have never been able to hold grudges or resentments. I have only recently started not so much holding on to them but not just letting myself be unhappy or treated unfairly and just allowing it to happen with out saying anything or standing up for myself. So it may seem that I am holding on to things but that also is not who I am as a person. But I will stand up for me now and say something if I was or am being treated in a way that is less than what I deserve.

Me:And I get that. And you should do that. I respect that. I am guilty off holding on to things, and working on learning to let go of those things. That has caused unhappiness in my past.
And if being brutally honest, you standing up for those things makes me understand more. Sometimes, I do need to be confronted and told those things. It helps to understand things better.

Her:Well I hope that I can do things that help us understand each other better

Me:I feel you have. Thank you

So, maybe positive? She came over, played with D2. Then she needed to go shopping, and went with my sister for a couple of hours. Dropped my sister off, said she would come back over toas tomorrow to get D2, and have her till Wednesday. Me and sis went out to dueling piano bar last night, had some drinks and laughs.