Im commited to my marriage and have decided to remain loyal & faithful until its decided either way as thats part of my beliefs & ideals Ive decided im going to process a divorce come july (1yr ) if nothing happens Im going to stick to my 180s and keep detaching and getting a life Im not going to pursue my W ive commited to counselling and expressed a desire to have a better marriage im aware i cant make someone commit or love me its a choice and commitment
Im growing and aware of my boundaries and my own actions and my counsellor thinks im going to be better prepared for reconciliation & if not then take that into the future .
Its been a learning curve i can see where i was needy and insecure at the start of seperation and let emotions dictate my actions. The periods of no contact and counselling have helped me see things from afar. I made mistakes and wore the constant blame and now i can see i made mistakes, got help and leant its not all my fault.
2015 has been a crappy year but im moving foreard and im would like my W to be part of my life but i can see i dont need her to complete me. Brad.k
Me: 45 w:45
M:6yrs T:9 Separated aug 15 no contact dec 15 come back july 16 I filed for closure aug 16
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
You mentioned that you are going to stick with your 180s and keep detaching and GAL. What does that specifically look like?
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
"Going dark is the chance to work on you and to allow the spouse that left you to go through the journey they need to go through. If you start butting into that when they have made it clear that they don't want to be with you, then you come off as someone who is not honoring their request. You are short-circuiting the journey they have to go through to work out what is going on inside themselves."
I cut this out of the going dark thread and added this as part of my journalling. This is my process right now. She asked for space and stated she doesnt know what she wants so i think going dark shows ive taken it on board and it lets her process her own thoughts.
Me: 45 w:45
M:6yrs T:9 Separated aug 15 no contact dec 15 come back july 16 I filed for closure aug 16
Ive joined a gym to work on fitness and ive lost about 10kgs since this all started. Its a great feeling to wear all those nice clothes i had that stopped fitting me and i look in the mirror and feel happy with how im looking
I went horse riding with my daughters that was a first and i loved it we are going again Ive been going to meet ups to get out and about and socialising. Sometimes i have to force myself to go when im a bit down about things. Im watching less tv and listening to more music which i stopped doing while married as my W didnt like it. Thats something im really enjoying and mskes me feel a little like my self is coming back
Me: 45 w:45
M:6yrs T:9 Separated aug 15 no contact dec 15 come back july 16 I filed for closure aug 16
I can't stop thinking of all the good stuff that we did together. This time last year we were packing ready to go to Hawaii. I know there was issues i thought we could make things better with commitment communication and time.
I haven't had contact for 3 weeks now and I'm not forcing or pursuing it I'm commited to us if it is possible I'm know you can't make someone do anything that they don't want to.
A year ago at this time my partner and I had just come back from Hawaii. And we went again this summer to celebrate her birthday. It seems like so much of the year was celebrating her big 60. Until she decided to start celebrating with someone else. I too thought we could get better this year, but I guess I didn't realize what was really going on. It's hard to know, when your partner stuffs her feelings, it just feels so unfair. I had no idea there was even a possibility that someone else could come along and get between us. Three days before I found out, I told a friend that we were having some problems. She asked, could there be someone else? I said no, absolutely not. Turns out, I was wrong. I was wrong about so much. We have had almost no contact in 10 days. I want to text, I want to call, I want to do something. I don't even know what stage of DBing I'm in. Confused. Sorry to vent on your post, it's just that it's the middle of the night and I can't sleep. I'm glad 2015 is almost over too. A year to forget.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Hi NYgal I've been following your thread I like the bit about having fun it's easy to have fun with some one new they don't have any responsibilies or history to drag them down
You know things like repairs bills car accidents sickness renovations debt I could be the life of the party to with out all the commitments
It's like they are in Disneyland or denial about how things work
Just like you I'm looking at some meetup to meet new people and maybe work on my shyness in new social settings
My counsellor keeps telling me I'm learning and growing and that I have a lot of positives I just need to start believing in myself like when we first started dating
Me: 45 w:45
M:6yrs T:9 Separated aug 15 no contact dec 15 come back july 16 I filed for closure aug 16
Like I said this time last year we were packing for Hawaii and for a Xmas present as a suprised she bought me a tour of pearl harbour because she knew it was something I always wanted to do as a kid that shows love and now I don't even know her anymore
Me: 45 w:45
M:6yrs T:9 Separated aug 15 no contact dec 15 come back july 16 I filed for closure aug 16
