Wife checked out

[2ltl2lt]

Yes, the first goofball was the guy on the softball team that I confronted. He broke it off with her three weeks ago. She has just been trolling Tinder and singles groups and meeting new people. She has a date with one tonight. She believes that she has to experience someone different sexually to "get it out of her system" I think she is going to try tonight. The first guy wouldn't go that far because he didn't feel comfortable that she was married and probably didn't want the possibility of crossing my path again.

I know that women go through changes at this general age and many of them have unanswered questions and what ifs. Not all act upon them but many do. I'm really not that hung up on the actual sex part so much as the broken commitments, lies, and affect on the children. Since I exposed her first attempt she seems to be pretty open and honest about what she feels she needs to do and why she feels she needs to do it. I have been trying my best to let it play out and focus on myself and our kids. I can't control what she does nor do I want to, I just need to keep it together for the kids.

I'm sure I can forgive her if she repents and does the work on herself. She is a good woman and mother who has lost her way somehow and needs to walk this path on her own. I will of course lovingly support her if the time comes. I do believe that love conquers all and I am willing to stand today, I don't know about tomorrow but today I stand.

I will be going on my own "spirit walk" starting tomorrow morning. This will be the first time since BD that I will actually be doing something just for me. She asked me where I was going and when I would get back. I just said I don't know. Honestly I don't, I am just going west and camping somewhere quiet. I might find a local juke joint out there and mingle with the locals.

[SM34]

Good for you! Go and enjoy yourself, experience new things. Let us know how it goes!

[Free]

2lt, your sitch has similarities to mine. The up and down emotions are rough at times. From all of the experiences I've read here, and even my own, it does get better with time. Not good, but better.
I'm learning that this process, regardless of the outcome, will need much patience and time.
Keep up the good work for yourself and your children. There really are some great people here with excellent advice.
I would say best of luck to you, but it is not luck that we need. It is skills, patience, and time.
Stay strong.

[sandi2]

I'm going to arrange care for the kids for a few days and take a road trip. I gotta get away from this for a while. Not going anywhere in particular for no particular amount of time.

I think that's an excellent idea!

[2ltl2lt]

I'm a thousand miles from nowhere, time don't matter to me, I'm a thousand miles from nowhere and there's no place I want to be. I've got bruises on my memory I've got echoes in my head, all that I keep hearing are the cruel cruel things that you said.

I went for a long hike today, a long slow hike through the brush of south Texas. As I made my way down the trail I noticed something moving on the ground. Upon closer inspection I saw that it was ants. A long trail of them, all carrying a piece of a leaf they had toiled to chew into something they could use for the ensuing winter. It was pretty windy today and as I watched them carry the pieces of leaves that were many times their size I saw them getting blown away by the force of the wind, like a sail on a boat. They would fly into the brush far from the path they were on and continue to struggle to find their way back to the path. Some of them undoubtedly didn't make it back. But the ones that did brought promise to the future of the colony. As I watched this happen and related it to the struggle we are all on I realized that as long as we continue to fight our way back to the path we are on there is always hope for the future.

I am enjoying the time I am taking to clear my head and see the bigger picture in all of this. I highly recommend taking a few days off for yourself and not worrying about the outcome. Your job will be there when you get back, your problems will be there when you get back, but go somewhere and live for few days. It is worth more than you can imagine.

[2ltl2lt]

I made it back to the house yesterday afternoon, the W was out shopping with S and D was at a birthday party. I got caught in a torrential rain out in the backcountry and all my clothes and blankets were soaked so I decided to come back and wash and dry everything. When they got home W wife started cooking dinner, something she hasn't done for months. Then I noticed her give me that look, I asked her why she looked at me like that. She said she was in the mood!??? I played it cool and went about my business. After dinner we played with the kids until bedtime and watched some football.

She went into the MBR which she hasn't done in months and shut the door. I continued watching the game for a while and didn't hear anything from the BR. After the game was over I went in to go to bed and she was lying there in the buff looking at me. She asked me to come in and turn off the lights. We had an incredible LM session for most of the night. Afterward she got dressed in PJs and slept in the guest room.

I got up this morning and went to the guest room to wake her and told her that I was continuing my journey today. She asked when I was coming back and where I was going. I'm not sure why she was in the mood and I'm not sure if doing that was the smartest thing but I'm not going to dwell on it. I'm just going to get back out for a day or so to finish my spirit walk.

[trumpet]

It sounds like she likes to be chased, and you stopped chasing, so she had to 'reel you back in'.

Is that the case?

I'm sure Sandi and others will have an opinion on this. I'm interested to hear their opinions, and I'll leave mine out until I'm more educated.

Do you think it did any damage, or any repair, to the R?

[2ltl2lt]

Trumpet- Thanks for the insight. As I said, I went ahead and went back out to the woods to finish my time away. I did quite a bit of thinking on this last night. I'm still not sure if she was trying to reach out to me or if she was just horny. I tend to not think the latter because she has always been the lower drive person in our R. Rarely has she initiated sex.

She said to me early into our sitch that she felt like she was always pursuing me throughout our R. Perhaps she is pulling the old 180 on me? I don't mind giving chase for awhile to see if it will help, I just don't want to chase her away. As far as whether it helped or hurt the R, I don't think it hurt. When I got home this morning I saw that she had picked up her ring. Both of our rings have been sitting on the window sill next to my bed since she left. Neither one of us wore them all the time, me because of my work and her because she isn't a jewelry type person and hardly ever wears any kind at all. But still I can imagine her looking at the rings as a symbol of the R we once had and a hope for a better R in the future.

[otw]

its funny that you say she is maybe doing a 180 on you. I feel my W is the best DBer ever!

[sandi2]

I often caution H's who have a WW, about her coming on to him. A WW is so manipulative. If she has not withdrawn all contact with the OM (even looking at his picture on FB), then be suspicious of what you mistakenly see as "reaching out". Many a man has been pulled into the WW's sexual inticement, only to be dropped like a hot potatoe the next day. We have even seen WW's who suspected (or knew) they were pregnant by OM, sleep with their H at least once, so she could convince him it was his baby........if OM ditched her.

It is her way of gauging your attachment to her. As weird as it is, she wants to keep control over your attachment, b/c it's part of that manipulative/controlling symptom of a WW.