Sounds like really good plans. I am not much a winter person, I have a very low blood pressure (my normal) and I freeze very easy. I am more a beach girl. Love the ocean with all my heart and soul.
I made the reservation for our week vacation in San Antonio during the XMas week, but the boys and I are still talking about because they are having second toughs.
My kids got used to XMas at home, decorations, a big tree, the XMas night and presents in the morning. So, we don't know yet.
Maybe we will stay local, do some stuff every day, maybe go somewhere for two or three days, but not the whole week.
Today I am helping a friend and take her daughter (that actually looks more like my daughter) to volleyball practice in Boulder, then I will meet my friend at a bowling alley.
I need to clean my house, wash a ton of clothes, clean the refrigerator after Thanksgiving, do some XMas shopping, mail B-Day present, mail XMas presents for my godsons in Brasil, my car needs oil change (5000 miles is up again), buy milk for the week, maybe some XMas cards, go to a tea meeting just for ladies on Saturday afternoon, zumba sunday, a football meeting at S15 school to start working on their trip to Florida next year, finish the college of music application for S17, including a choice for audition, start scholarships letters, get the airplane ticket for S21 to go to Brasil in Jan/16, advertise some big equipment we want to sell online, check my investment account and plan the next step, schedule my tax preparation since this year was a complicated mess, and in between there will be meals, X idiot H picking up kids, doing the usual finance of the week.
If there is any time to spare, I will sit down with the boys to look into some of our business options and what direction we need to take. My kids are smart, so I need to put their brains to work, and my own too. I need to work less and have more profit.
Well, it does not look too interesting, but it is very important for me to get to the next step, and it will only be possible if we have a better financial direction. My savings are not bad, but I still do not have my 6months expenses saved with free money, I mean, money that is not invested somewhere.
Regarding if I am ready to start the DBing, I would be dishonest saying that my emotions are not up and down every day. But I have been noticing that I am angry. My anger comes from some kind of jealousy even, that XH can do whatever he wants because he has his freedom, and I need to always be responsible.
But, for now that is what is my part and maybe life will show me that all the sacrifices I do for my boys now will be my happiness tomorrow. And maybe XH has what he wants know and will regret it tomorrow. I don't know.
I know my love for him has been changing, his selfishness is coming through and that was exactly what I disliked before. He always think only about himself.
I am trying to avoid to talk about my situation, XH, D with my friends lately, but I have a friend that actually wants to talk about this. Yesterday she told me that she wants to remind me how miserable was my life during so many years beside a man that did nothing. He provided the money and that was it, no participation on chores, no help with the kids besides taking them out to do what was in his best interest at the moment.
Yes, I think that losing my M, my family, was a big shock for me and I embellished a M that was not a happy one for myself. I somehow stopped seeing how much I always want to change the dynamic and have a H that was active and present.
I think that those memories are starting to come back and I am finding that I may be better on my own, with my boys.
The fact that I allow myself to be weak, cry and suffer is just who I am, I let myself feel the full strength of the emotions and I live them 100%. But that did not change how strong I am, and if I want it or not, I am a tough girl. Average, nothing special, but tough, decided, honest and straight forward person.
I do not hide anything, and now much less in every aspect. My life is an open book, my soul is clean, I do not wish anything bad to anyone and do not put my nose in anybody's lives. I am actually a nice person, everybody I know loves me.
I promise to myself that from the first day of 2016 I won't allow XH to just drop by into my life and mess it up the way he has been doing.
I am more like: "If you want to go, then have my blessing and go, Tchau!!!"
It hasn't been easy, there is still a few more things to finish this year, he needs to take his stuff from my house, I need to finish some paperwork we have our names together. But one by one it has been resolved.
I did the fist step on Thanksgiving week, I feel that it was the hardest one, now I just need to keep it going. And I know I am in the right direction here. If he does not want me anymore, then go and live me alone, don't bother me anymore.
I am also back into my ADs - I stopped for awhile but this last week was really heavy with XH around crying the milk spilled and doing nothing do fix it. I don't make a big deal about it. It's a low dosage that do not interfere with my day by day, by the opposite, it helps me to be calmer and more concentrated in what I need to do.
I will also post an email I got from XH with his schedule for 12/15 and 1/16 - I got really mad, very offended, but then I stopped myself, did not react to it, gave some time to think and decided that it is not in my best interest to give any importance for his garbage.
RD, I work right by a hospital, but I can't have all this peace you say you have there. There is always ambulance and fire fighters noise, it makes me nervous sometimes. Is it the Beaumont Hospital? It looks very big and not so peaceful.
Well, I also need to get back to work or I may be fired.
Love as always, whishing you lots of fun with the sweet girls. Oh my, I envy you for having the girls. I just love all the girl stuff... the pink, feathers, makeup, lipstick, hair, hair stuff, jewelry, shoes, skirts, different purses, a lot of glitter, a lot of charm, a lot of a lot of things, stuff. I just love to be a girl.
Hi Pink. Sounds like a busy weekend. Beaumont hospital is where I had my two transplants and where I went for Dyalisis three times a week for years.
I'm in the grounds of Peamount Hospital on the south side of the city. It's a private hospital set up by a rich lady over 70 years ago to deal with TB It was out in the country back then but part of the city almost now.
I think you are far from ordinary , not saying that anyone is but your life seems to have its fair share of wildness and excitement.
I had a meeting with my accountant last week to sign off the accounts for another year and to review my portfolio. Accounts weren't too bad but my investment in good seems to have taken a dive so I'm moving into German industrial unit buliding for 2017 !!!!! Makes me sound like I'm from Wall St !!! I choose the gold before all the gold rush programmes can out and it was climbing but I lost a fair bit last year so from now on I'll listen to the experts !!!
Having the girls is great but I'm not really in touch with my feminine side so I buy what's pointed at and tell them it looks great !!
It takes D-4 over an hour to get ready for school but D11 about 10 mins , S17 thinks he's a male model and takes about 45 mins and S20 is a mans man and falls out of bed into his clothes and then falls into the car
I know I'm their dad my my Ds are very beautiful on the outside as well as in . D11 has the attitude of a 40 year old is is very very funny. D14 is the classic 14 year old , on her phone to her friends all day , loves 1D and is WAY to cool for school.
Dropped my IPhone this morning so had to get the screen replaced and of course the newer models cost about 5 times more than the older ones. Still , I accepted it happened , I owned my part in its demise and I am now moving forward !!! I DBed my smashed iPhone !!!
Glad you have plans for the new year with dealing with XH but I hope it's ok to remind you that he is obviously In MLC so his thinking is not what it should be
Just had a Red Weather warning here A storm is on its way Outside you can just hear the wind picking up Home has a lot of very tall trees so I hope they stay standing Nighttime to early morning is supposed to be the worst @ about now we are loading the trucks for Monday ,so we can head away soon Relaxing with D14 and S17 tonight , fast food and a film Tomorrow is pictures Sunday , ice skating . Ireland bracing itself for the storm End of clues
I just can't stop laughing... today, I am crying because it is just too funny!!!
I am pretty busy right now, have patients today, but I will tell you all about my models at home too. Just miss the girls, and all what is related to our dramas.
No comments RD... just no comments for now. Just think that I like the way the British resolve their issues as a country.
Hi Pink, just stopping by to say good morning to you! I had a late night after a busy week, so I'm having a slow start in bed with the ipad!
I think what you are doing here is 'breaking cycles.' A couple of times now, you have posted on the forum, and then stopped posting as your XH has been reaching out more. Then he doesn't come through for you and you realise again how helpful the support and community here is.
You recently mentioned that wise comment by Wonka - that your XH is a 'kitty MLCer.' He is off exploring the big MLC field right behind your house. He is scared and gets himself into many scrapes. He is also rebelling and wanting to push against the boundaries of marriage and family that he once found so confining. But another part of him wants these and he rushes out of the scary field back into the house to check you are all still there. But then the field calls to him again.
He is so confused at the moment, and the problem for you is that the scrapes he gets into in the field impact on your life and cause pain to you. And this is why your boundaries are important, particularly now soon after your D - because I think your XH will carry on as he is for now and it will be you that needs to set some parameters on your contact with him for your own peace of mind.
I think you have done so well with all financial and practical aspects of your D. Mostly these are all sorted now and the rest of his stuff can be gone if you want. You can change the locks on your house etc if you want. However, you are still addressing the emotional aspects of this and your own need to feel close to him. I think more separateness may be needed for now - otherwise I think you risk cycling again and again. Ending up in bed together one more time, not really being separate, still somewhat enmeshed, TauC still in the mix somewhere - he confused, you confused, she confused. Triangulation...and on we go..
So, for now I would say - follow some advice I saw posted by AJM in the MLC area of the forum - live a good life, be a good mother, and be a good woman. And in respect of XH - if you apply the principle of - I love you, but I love ME more - you won't go too far wrong.
Take care Sweetie xx
Last edited by Sotto; 12/05/1510:14 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I totally get what you're going through. For me, every minute not spent thinking about the X is a minute of triumph. I have slowly worked my way up to stretches of hours.
Now when I accidentally start to wonder about him again, it doesn't hurt so much any more. But I know I have got to keep it in check and start getting busy again.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Sotto I think you know me very well. Being in this roller coaster has taking a life on it's own sometimes. I am finally getting to my senses and feeling a little bit better about this whole nightmare.
I changed the locks, changed the garage code, asked XH to take his stuff from my house (even tough he is dragging his **s for now), said no for intimacy during the Thanksgiving holiday, and I am going pretty dark these last days.
I know it is not something to be so proud off looking at so many mistakes I made until now, but I think it is a beginning of something bigger in my life.
I did some soul search and I realized that I am indeed very much in love with this man. I don't know why, neither for how long since his stupidities hurt my kids and myself. I asked a question that is very simple, to myself... if after all of this I would forgive him and would forget the hurt and give a chance for my M, family... and the answer is yes.
I know what was my part on the break of my M, I know I could have done things different and I know he had a lot to regret too.
I need to be sincere with myself and that is were I stand right now. That this M will be restored? I really don't know, and most of the time I believe that he is done with me.
By other hand, he is always around, being gentle and compassionate, always goes back to our R subject, keep showing me all his changes, make me see that he is a better man, even call my attention that he was not so bad during our M, in the last two or three months he has been saying how much he understands now that he could have reacted somewhat different and our lives would be way better.
That he regret all what he did? He says he does, but I do not believe he does. There is part of him that still wants to get even with me for some reason that only him knows. He needs to hurt me, and I think he gets really annoyed that he does not see my reaction against him. Maybe he is trying to justify himself, believing that I am a bad person and that's why he left.
The truth is that I have no idea why he does what he does. The only thing that I can see is that he made a decision to leave his M and he is pretty much in the same boat. He never said that he would even think about the possibility of coming back, so there is nothing to hope for.
By my side, after so many 2 x 4s, reading some material to understand M, R and life, I came to the conclusion that I need to work on myself and become strong again.
I know I have the strength and I know I have the will, for a person like me, it is more like a need to take that decision and move forward. And I feel like I am finally here, the time I need to focus on myself and the next stage of my life.
I decided to do my best and not be around when XH comes to pick up the kids, I do not text, call or ask him for anything. Now, I really believe that I want him as far as possible to have my own space to regroup and restart.
It's not easy, but it is not impossible, and as a matter of fact, it is getting easier and easier every day, to let go of the old and start anew.
That all this will bring him back, I don't know, and I feel it is almost impossible since we are totally done already. But who knows, there was always something there. Sometimes I think that if he could bring himself to be close to me even when I told him straight I did not want to be intimate with him, I have my doubts if it is possible or not to fall in love all over again.
When XH met me, I was a very independent woman, I was not afraid of anything, I was determined and gorgeous. Time went by I believe I became a potato bag... a mom, wife. The woman disappeared. Now I need to rescue that woman, get her back and be the girl I was once.
It's a little trick now since I have the kids on my tale, but I need to find that balance to get it done for my own good. My pride was hurt badly because of my D and I need that back.
So, I am dark and I will continue to be dark. I gave a lot of excuses and did not GAL so much. Now, I am accepting my friends invitations and I am actually enjoying it.
There is a sense of separation now, I get that would be nice to restore my M. But then, what M? There is no more M to restore, it is dissolved already.
So, XH is just another guy with the potential of getting my heart, that's all. I do not want to be alone forever, I want to find a partner and share life. Will be with XH? I do not know.
I have been changing and it has been extremely hard. Lots of pain, tears, but I feel like I have been swimming in an enormous ocean and now I can see land and I can finally rest.
I feel some peace inside my heart. I have moments now, sometimes the sorrow and pain comes back to me for a quick visit and then I do my best to think about my own self and my improvements.
Is this detachment? Maybe it is. Is this self improvement? I think so. Am I in the right direction now? I believe I am. Am I going to be successful? It is now up to me to make the best of my days.
So today, I do not feel sad anymore, instead I feel determined to make my life better. I do not feel anxious and nervous anymore, instead I feel I want to live this day a little better then the previous one and I feel the hope to make the next day a little better then today.
I own my life now... it's all mine and I really love who I am. I have a strong character and I like it. I am most of the time kind of quiet and a little shy, but I have a lot of life inside of me.
I feel happy, I feel hope in myself, I feel I can do it for myself and take my new path to the next level.
I want to make 2016 a year without too many tears, but instead a year of rebuilding from all the ashes left on the ground.
And you are right Sotto, this board is the main reason I got where I am right now. It gave a lot of lesson and mainly the perspective that I can live a good life and be happy no matter what.
People like you, filled my life with hope. I could even say that I got to all these conclusions for myself, because I want you all to be proud of me. This is crazy I know, but I just feel this way.
I love you with all my heart, you have been there for me when there was only darkness and I will never forget it.
Thanks V, you are always so kind to this wild bird.
I feel that NC is somehow my last stand. I do not have much hope that this man will be part of my life again. It really bother me now to just think that we will have some situations as a family we could be.
But who knows, maybe he is moving on and eventually I will move on totally and we may very good friends in the future. I don't know.
All what I know is that I am doing everything in my power that I am not home when XWH comes to pick up the kids or drop them off. It's not easy because he is a frequent flyer in my house.
But no excuses, that's what I need to do and that is what I will do. I am at work now, have so much work I can't even breath well.
Hi lovely P, just a thought on H being a 'frequent flier' in your house. Does he still have a key? It was his house and is now yours and it seems perfectly reasonable that he now comes 'by appointment' only. If he has a key, you may want to consider retrieving this if that would suit you best?
Glad to hear you are accepting more invites. I do think that helps. Have you also considered divorce recovery workshop? It's a worldwide thing I believe and there may be one in your area...
Sounds like you are doing well Sweetie. I think the main thing for you is not to get drawn into Kitty MLCer tenderness and go around that cycle again. I think that unless your H does some serious introspection and mature growth, you are best to move forward alone. But if he does do that growth - and he may well do - you can always reconsider.
Take care my lovely xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Pink. I think it's great you soul searched and accepted you still love H.
For me it's a step in the right direction re your thought process and it's one mental struggle you can let go of.
With the love can come forgiveness and understanding IN TIME!! !!! For now move forward with Pinks life Let H see that Pink will be ok and she will come through this a far better person who puts herself first and lives her life the way she wants
I've posted since the start how your H seems to be Classic MLC and if he is then he has to work through those issue himself
Back to DBing and back to the wild Pink who has been buried inside because of life and the day to day grind.
