Hi Pink. Definitely Both. !!!! And that's why I love you !!!
Just a quick post to say today is the first day of the rest of your life !!!!!
DBing starts afresh. Pinks life is all about her and her boys and enjoying each and every day. XH can sort himself and while we all hope he will come to his senses , it's his to control.
What happening in Pinks world today ? Work ? Chores ? How about one thing that Pink like s to do ? Reading , watching a TV series, taking a walk ?
I take a walk every morning and listen and just feel what's happening around me
I'm lucky to have warehouses in a the back of a private hospital where there are a lot of patients recuperating so plenty of quiet tree lined roads to walk along
XWH is entranced by TauC. TauC is a game player, probably a man in every country she goes to.
But still WH is still enthralled, there is a part of him and that part knows the truth but is in denial. It will be clear to XWH he is free to R and still there is no happy ever after. Why not? It is clearly not XWH M that is the barrier. Where is the hand in hand to the sunset then?
So he returns where his Plan B is, with you.
When and if XWH wants an R with you, there will be no confusion. TauC memory will be in her rightful place, the trash bin with the waste slops.
His tears are for himself, tears of self pity.
I think it's ok for you to stand. Perfectly fine and quite extraordinary. This is the father of your children, your once beloved H. You are attractied to him.
If you ML, and V is less concerned about it, ensure you use protection. TauC behaves as a tacky French tart. Probably mouldy and full of creepies.
I think it's time to LRT. Let WH know what life without Pink to mop his tears will be. A little reality check won't hurt.
Now a discussion on dropping the rope. Dropping the rope isn't letting go of standing or a future R with XWH. A new R, a possible new M.
Think of the rope as two people holding a rope at either side of a deep well. As one pulls hard we move to the well. Dropping the rope means stopping the other from driving your emotions. From pulling you to the well. If you drop the rope, you will drive your own emotions. You can no longer fall in the well.
It can also be like being tugged by a speedboat that is driven by a madman. Going anywhere they please, pulling you behind.
Time to let go the rope so xWH no longer triggers you. You attach the rope to you.
I am a fine one to advise you, I still trigger with my stbxWH!
Cheers to dropping the rope but still standing. Let XWH run around in circles, stand instead and smile.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 12/03/1512:40 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thank you so much for your words. Powerful words today. It has been a very hard days in my life.
I am letting go on the M I had, and it really feels like a funeral to me. The pain inside my heart is unbearable. I am crying now, something I have not been doing for awhile. It's late, kids are in bed, so I can cry in silence.
Crying because it is hard to think that XH did not want to try hard and fight for the love we promise each other one day.
Crying because I found out I was genuine and sincere during our M. I never betrayed him, never spent too much money, never did anything just focusing in my own self, never stop trying, never back down when things were tough.
I stood up by his side, always. He was building his career, went back to college, got his degree, got his promotion and then put a foot on my ass.
I have sorrow, anger, disappointment. I can't swallow the knot I have on my throat. I feel so bad because he treated me like garbage.
I stood strong facing all the dilemma with my kids growing up, and still do as a matter of fact. I cleaned houses to make more money to pay for his college.
How could he do this to me, how could he just do this to his family when he is so proud of his heritage as an Italian descendant. Family is sacred, we stick together during the bad times and we stay together celebrating the good ones. He still says that Cira is OHANA.
I know I need to do this for my own good, for my kids even. I know XH needs to go and do whatever he wants with his life. I know I feel better when he is not around.
It just hurt. If nothing more at least I have the consolation of doing what was right for me and my kids.
I am trying my best to face it all and still stand tall, walking with pride and liking myself. Sometimes I am overwhelmed, other times I feel lonely. It is indeed very hard to be so far from my family. I wish I could hug and talk to my mom side by side in bed, the way we did so many times. Just lie down in the same bed at night and talk about our afflictions.
I cry because he left us, he did not care about us, about me. I was not good enough, he needed to find someone else. He did a lot for this OP, he ignored 18 years building what we called family.
He still does not care about us, about me. He does not help in anything. School, college applications, scholarship letters, driving practices, graduation stuff. Anything. All what he does is to complain that his life is so miserable, that he does not have anything and it is being very hard for him.
Sometimes I even wonder why I have any love left for this idiot jerk. I think that I deserve better then what he is, what he offers.
Yes, he was always a decent man, a good provider, but now he is just my XH, just that, someone that did not give a damn to me. He talk a bunch of bull about his love for me, that he cares and can't get away from me. It's all lies, the same way he lied and had his secret life, sleeping around with another woman, creating his own single life on the side.
Why I can't just off him from my heart and my mind? But, even tough he is still there, I do not want this situation anymore. It is my time to get serious about myself and the life I deserve. I can't and I won't let him drag me to the bottom of the well anymore.
V, I do not need to wear any protection because I did not fall for XH charms anymore, I was able to say NO to him, and for that alone I am proud of myself. I let XH sleep right beside me and said straight that I did not want to do anything because I know what is wrong and what is right for myself.
I also imposed some boundaries, like I told him straight that he needs to have all his stuff our of my garage before XMas, that he will do the walk in a house to see if he wants anything for himself until the 31st. I told him that if he does not take his stuff that I will just drop them at his place and leave it in a driveway.
I told him I am not working schedules around his traveling, but he is the one to work his schedule around his kids needs.
I told him I wish him the best, but from the 1st day of next year it will be mine and I will own my life just for myself. I said to him that I left my door open for this long and now I am accepting what it is and will look into my own path.
Your explanation of dropping the rope is really what I am so hard trying to do. I guess I am succeeding because my kids are being very careful with me, they ask me questions all the time, they are around me like little bees. I think they sense the change, and they fear the change.
There is more to it too, I did set up an investment account, I closed some more accounts that had XH and I together. I am dealing with the house paperwork, transferring it to my name. I am looking into starting a business with the boys. I started working on my poetry book again.
My older son will take some vacations with my family in Brasil and I am thinking to take a few days on my own, go somewhere and regroup.
It has been a painful journey, I have learned and I am leaning a lot about R, commitment, respect for others. I could even say that I am a better person now then I was when it all started.
I will listen to V now, you are a very wise person and you always give me good advice, even when talking about RD. Yes, he may be a distraction, and I know I am also a distraction for him, but it is amazing how much this distraction has helped me when I was in so much desperation. RD is somehow a symbol of hope.
And don't be surprised if I end up taking my solo vacation days in Ireland. I may stand on RD's doorsteps asking for some water. I always find whatever I look for.
H is gone, dead, now he is just XH, not family, no one to me. I need to move on, be strong to just let go.
Again, thanks for the encouraging words, it means a lot to me and help me a lot to get stronger every day.
Hi Pink Great post from Lady V. Yesterday is gone and you are now one day closer to true happiness , whatever guise that may take
Each day is a new opportunity to become stronger. Seize that opportunity today and do something just for Pink A glass of wine ( tonight ) , a dance around the kitchen to Spinners , Working my way back to you babe or the like
My alarm tone is KC and the Sunshine band , Give it up and I get up about twenty minutes before it goes off. My two D"s sneak into my bed everynight so In the morning when it goes off , I turn on the lights and shout Good Morning Vietnam " and then dive on the bed and crowd surf them !!!! They normally go mad but end up laughing !!
Pink, no advice here, just lots of support and wishing you the best. You are a strong woman and you clearly are a great mother. Please do something good for yourself today.
Pink that was a beautifully honest post. In this journey I'm on to learn what intimacy is, I think you just nailed it. That was heartbreaking to read, I had my hand on my heart the whole time.
Sending you love and strength,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Thanks ep0215, BT13, pho and PP... I actually came back to the board because it is the only way I can put an end on my Ex H Horror movie.
I am not giving much to this board for a long, long time. But I learned a lot of stuff here. I met good people that all what they did was to help me all the time.
I feel that during the time I took a break, that I lost a lot of my progress. I came back and I feel more confident that I can put an end of the roller coaster, the nightmares. It is not easy, but the comfort I get here is a treasure.
Thank you all for supporting me, when I probably come across like a crying baby. I will be strong again, I have a lot of life inside of me. I have been a little dizzy and weak, but day by day, I can see that sometimes we are not the ones loosing, but we are the lucky ones.
Hi Anjo. What's the plan for the weekend ? I'm taking D"s to the movies tomorrow night and all the gang ice skating on Sunday ( so I'll be posting from a broken bones ward next week )
Got my winter tyres fitted yesterday so I'm ready for the snow and ice , D11 is convinced it going to be pouring snow soon and she can't wait
what's Pinks thoughts on the starting the DBing from the start ? Is it time to live life and move forward ?
I better get back to work ( sigh ) , just thought I'd check in with the future Mrs Rd. !
