Back on these forums again 3

[Gmum]

Holy $hit, Mona. What a week you've had.
It's amazing you've managed to keep your head above water.

Any idea how your S's school got the idea the kids were by themselves? I hope they bent over backwards to apologize to you.

How long are you intending on staying at your moms house? Or when is she moving in with her bf? Doesn't sound like living with her is a healthy long-term solution.

Re finding new friends, is there a meet up group in your area? I would do that if I could get away from my D.

[Mona52]

Thanks Rouky and Gmum!

My mom met this group from the local meetups

It is sort of a group from a bunch of different local meet ups that sort of gelled together. So if I join the singles meetup, some will be there, or the dancing meetup, others will be there, etc. However, I would be at home in the more geeky or technical meetups. They wont be as fun, but I will be comfortable. So I am going to try those out.

Gmum, since I moved, I had to get a bus for my S to get to and from school. There was a half day of school on Tuesday so I spoke to the school about busing that day, since I will be out of town. I have no idea how that turns into I left for an entire week with no food.

[Mona52]

I had forced contact with H today.

I took my S to his counselor. The school suggested he seek help for his porn issue. The counselor does not consider following girls in bikini's on Instagram porn any more than I do, thank goodness. But the session turned out great.

My S really seemed to enjoy it and felt good to be able to talk to someone. But then the C started asking about H. I stayed as quiet as possible and let me S do all the talking. But the C wants to speak to H.

The C asked my S if he wanted H to come in for some of the sessions, and my S tearfully said no way. The C asked my S if he wanted to spend more time with his dad and my S said yes.

So the C asked me to contact H and give him a head's up that he wanted to speak to him.

Me: S's therapist will try and contact you tomorrow at your cell phone number

H: Why does S have a therapist. What's wrong?

Me: I really don't feel like trying to text everything that happened in the past few weeks, tomorrow is NHD and we have to get prepared

NC since I sent that. NHD is National History Day at S's school. We have been preparing all year. My S did a project on William Penn. It has consumed us for the past few months, and S is the third kid to go through it. My older daughter's also did it, but I would bet my next rent check that H has no idea what I meant when I said NHD is tomorrow.

I am sorry that my H has no clue what is going on with S, but he fired me from wife duty and friend duty, so I dont see how it is my job to fill him in. The C will ask him questions tomorrow and he will have no answer, and that is not in my control. I did not separate my H from my S. So I cannot control the consequences of my H's actions.

Other than that, the session was great and I feel so hopeful it will help my S. The C asked about goals and they are going to work together on organization and homework. It is such an immense relief someone in the world is helping me help my S.

[JellyB]

Mona52, I haven't posted before on your thread. But the relief in your writing is abundantly transparent, and I couldn't stop myself. I am so happy for you having a WIN regarding you son!!


I wish you and lovely S lots of happiness and contentment.


JellybXXX

Sounds like C will be on the job with H. Another small win hopefully. Nice to have an ally.

[PigPen]

I would like to mirror Gmum's "Holy Chit Mona!"

That was my exact thought when I read your story. You're getting it from all sides aren't you? You're more of a rockstar than you know for holding it all together. I don't even have kids but if someone tried to come and take my dog away they'd end up in the paper.

It sounds like complete mayhem Mona, is there any way for you to find reprieve during the day? There's no safe place for you to go and just fall apart every now and then is there?

Are you a meditator at all? It may be helpful for you to just get to close your eyes and breathe for 10 - 20 minutes a day if time permits.

It also sounds like there's a theme of you working your butt off and not getting any recognition from it. Everyone around you gets to skate but you. Your sisters, your H, even your mom on some level.

That makes me curious about setting up boundaries and if that wouldn't help you.

Not pursuing why his S is in counseling is abhorrent for a father. No offense, but what kind of man heres that and isn't on the phone immediately to find out what's going on. That's insanity.

Just know that we recognize how hard this is for you as well as the effort that you're putting forth to hold your family together. It's clear as day from your posts that you're not getting any of the credit but are doing the work.

Truly I wish your H would pull his head out of his ass and look at what he's walking away from.

Sending you strength,

PP

[Gmum]

"Porn issue"??? OMFG! Sounds like an execellent idea to turn a healthy, curious kid into some kind of pervert. That won't affect him at all. Ugh! These people shouldn't work with children.

I'm thrilled to hear it went so well with the C though. It will nice for your S to have another great adult in his life, Besides his mom.

I second everything Pigpen said. You're holding it together when everyone else is falling apart. I hope you allow yourself some breathing room.
If there isn't already a tech geek (ahem) meet up, start one.

Every time I read on your thread, I try to nudge myself in your direction a little bit.
"Mona didn't take it lying down, so why should I" kinda thing .....

[Mona52]

Mona52, I haven't posted before on your thread. But the relief in your writing is abundantly transparent, and I couldn't stop myself. I am so happy for you having a WIN regarding you son!!


I wish you and lovely S lots of happiness and contentment.


JellybXXX

Sounds like C will be on the job with H. Another small win hopefully. Nice to have an ally.

Thx Jellyb! I saw DR peeking from the C's bookshelf as well. He had less than 10 books on the shelf and that was one of them. I was under the assumption he only worked with children. I was pleased it was there, but I thought it was odd so I said "It looks like, from your book selection, that you work with adults as well as children?"

He said he works with children, but that includes working with the entire family.

I am not going to push my agenda on my S's C. But it also felt good that his C might understand my mindset and some of my actions if he uses DR with his families.

So, yes, I felt great relief.

I have to admit, I did think, when he stressed how he wanted to speak to my H "Good! someone is going to beat up H for ignoring his S!"

I know the C is not really going to come down hard on my H. That is not how they roll, but it felt good to think it

[Mona52]

Gmum and PP

There really are no words to describe how much you both help me.

My mom woke up today and yelled my my S. Then she got into the shower, got out and continued to yell at my S. So by the time I got to the boards here this morning, I was a bit stressed. You both help me see that the strength is there to move past this.

About that breathing for 10 - 20 minutes... I dont really have the ability yet to stop thoughts. I have been trying, but if I do not keep my mind actively engaged, it always ends up on H.

I tried thinking of a sort of tropical paradise to keep my mind engaged, but not on anything stressful, but my dang H seems to occupy every single imaginary island in the world.

The only way I can stop a thought is to replace it with a more powerful thought. So, if I feel pain because I am alone and I miss my best friend, I quickly think about how I am going to pay the rent this month, or what I need to turn in next for school, or what will I get S for his b-day. I know that is not as de-stressing as meditation, and I am working on meditation, but I just cant get the hang of it yet.

[Gmum]

Try not to stop the thoughts, you can't really. What you can do is to not judge is as good or bad, it just is.

I highly recommend you try the Headspace app.

[Mona52]

I keep getting horribly distracted today. I am dying to know if my S's C spoke to H.

Why do I need to know this? I dont need to know this. And I wont know this because jerkface is not going to reach out to me to see if S is OK and C is not going to call me to discuss his meeting with H.

The most embarrassing part is that I know a good mommy would want C to speak to H so that H and S can have a deeper, more loving R. I have to admit, I just want someone to say, out loud, to H that he needs to contact his kids.

So I am dying of curiosity, then washed over with guilt.

It is snowballing some issues. I had a specific amount of work I had to get done today. I actually came in knowing I had a mini mountain to move, but confident I could move it.

But my mind keeps getting torn away. So I have only moved a small molehill so far. I have 2 hours left and I still have half my work to do. That is worrying me so much that my concentration is flying at warp speed out the window. Which means I am moving even slower.

I thought maybe if I got it out on here I can go back to work and leave it all here for a bit and not worry about it until later. You guys can figure out how I can react more positively about the whole H S C triangle while I get my work done, and when I come back I expect this issue to be resolved.

(jk )

Thanks!