I think you answered your question already, see a L. I assume you are in the US? But yes, if you were wanting full custody all those things would play a role. Generally the courts fo still favor shared custody but it doesn't even seem that's what your W wants by moving away for 2 years. Being in the military I would think she knows how it all works. You already get part of her retirement and nothing she can do about it. Child support would be easy enough to get also, maybe even alimony. The military doesn't play games with these things and will take it directly out of her pay. The fact she wants to leave the kids for two years makes me think she wants to live single there, maybe even an EA close by? I can't remember if that's the case. If she were caught the military would rip her apart. You actually have a great deal more power in all of this than you might realize. More reasons to just get a free consultstion, base usually has resources also that could be completely free.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Also, it might be script but really our WAA/WW know us intimately. They know what we fear and how to push our buttons. When they feel backed in a corner or powerless they push those buttons. It's very likely she realizes how much power you have in this and wants to use that fear to control you to get what she wants.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Yes, I am in the US. The only way I would want full custody is if she were unfit or just plain didn't want them. I am well aware of what would happen to her if I chose to send what I had on the EA. Her career would be sunk, period. But, I wouldn't do that nor would I hang it over her head. BUT, I would do what I had to in order to protect my kids. I have thought of seeing base counsel, but given how small our base is and how well known she is due to her rank, then that may not go over so well, if ya get my drift.
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The fact she wants to leave the kids for two years makes me think she wants to live single there, maybe even an EA close by?
I have a sinking feeling that you may be correct on this one. I know that one of ones I mentioned in my first thread will be only a couple of hours from her when she moves down there...
Maybe it is time to visit a L. That doesn't mean I am giving up on our marriage, does it?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I wouldn't worry about her taking full custody at all, if anything from what you said you have a better case for having it, but again shared is the best for everyone involved unless one poses a real danger to the kids. She would have to fabricate and make up a great deal against you to even get close to pushing past 50% much less full.
Also, get rid of that irrational thought that seeing a lawyer is giving up. You don't have to do anything but gain knowledge that will help you fight for your M and your children.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
OTW, I love your new saying "Hope for the best but plan for the worst." May just steal that sometime!
SciDad, how could that be used to gain leverage? I would never want to "force" her into returning to the M over threat of a L.
Fogg, I try not to worry about her taking full custody but you are right - she knows how to push the buttons. I am so worried that she will try to take them out of state or move them far enough away as to be impractical in seeing them all the time. All of that worries me so much.
I will try to purge that thought! As I asked SciDad, how will a L's knowledge help me fight for my M?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
What would you find more attractive. A man who is strong and stands up to someone to protect his interests in his kids, or one that caves over and does whatever the W wants just for the off chance she decides to come back.
Having the knowledge to protect yourself and your kids, but doing it from a place of strength and love (if needed) shows you are the man only a fool would leave.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Fogg, thanks to you for the always awesome advice. Standing up, of course, is the most attractive. I am learning to stand without falling down - which may be one of the hardest roads I have ever had to traverse.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
