You cannot nice your W back. The only way for her to stop is cold turkey. She NEEDS to respect you and you allowing this $hit to happen right under your nose does not make her respect you.
GROW A PAIR!!!
What are you afraid of? You are the water boy to the OM already. Call her out on her $hit and start getting some respect you deserve!!!
And don't be a WUSS. Being a WUSS is so unattractive...
I guess I don't understand the hesitation. You seem to be afraid to confront your W about her A. What is your fear?
My hesitation is the fact that i havent read DR book yet. Last time confronted her i obviously botched it big time. Also i though sandi said that confronting her at this point would be a waste of time. Maybe i miss understood.
M30 - W29 - S1.5 EA/PA Confirmed - Oct 30, 2015 Confronted W about the A - Nov 1, 2015 W asked for seperation - Nov 22, 2015 W moves out of house - Jan 3rd, 2016
Looking for the post where i thought it said not to reconfront her cant find it maybe i dreamed it. Lol
M30 - W29 - S1.5 EA/PA Confirmed - Oct 30, 2015 Confronted W about the A - Nov 1, 2015 W asked for seperation - Nov 22, 2015 W moves out of house - Jan 3rd, 2016
I think you misunderstood. sandi said right now you have to gain some respect from your W. Re-read what she said. I believe it is in line with not letting your W have her A in secret and setting boundaries.
I think where you got confused is the fact you W is going to do what she wants and you can't stop it. But that doesn't mean you don't confront her about it. She may continue but she has to know that you won't be a back up plan or an cowering H.
Last edited by mvgfwd2; 11/22/1512:57 AM.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
Right now your W thinks she has you in the dark and says things to keep you there. Like the "why don't you say ILY" stuff. After you would confront her about the ongoing A and lay out your boundaries is when you work on your GAL activities and DB'ing.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
You are also going to feel like you need to do something urgently or it will get worse. It will if you react without the right skills, it won't if you just let it be while you learn the skills, from the book and enhance them here. If you doubt this, remember it took months, if not years for your relationship (R) to reach this point, a few days or weeks isn't going to change things that much and IF you get it right, you stand a vey good chance, in time, of getting things back on track.
Originally Posted By: sandi
Originally Posted By: strongj
May not have explained myself as far as she knows I think she has ended the afair i havent reconfronted her after i found out its continues. I guess u dont know what to say because ive been told not to talk about what ive learned here i would wana say im stepping back to work on me but i guess that defeats the whole idea and im just not sure what to say these days.
Okay. Confronting her will do no good at all. And please do not tell her you are working on yourself, etc.
Thus the hesitation. I dont think miss understood sandi maybe she can elaberate. Also avanti's advice is pretty stright forward read DR dont act too quickly without correct tools.
M30 - W29 - S1.5 EA/PA Confirmed - Oct 30, 2015 Confronted W about the A - Nov 1, 2015 W asked for seperation - Nov 22, 2015 W moves out of house - Jan 3rd, 2016
Sandi is saying that just going to WW and saying "I know you're still talking to OM" is not going to help you in any way. The confrontation itself will not solve anything. In fact, if you aren't prepared, it could just lead her to flaunt it in front of you -or- she could just take it deeper underground.
The point is that you need to be prepared for the incredible [censored] storm that's coming if/when you do confront her. If not, things will only go further downhill.
Sandi is saying that just going to WW and saying "I know you're still talking to OM" is not going to help you in any way. The confrontation itself will not solve anything. In fact, if you aren't prepared, it could just lead her to flaunt it in front of you -or- she could just take it deeper underground.
The point is that you need to be prepared for the incredible [censored] storm that's coming if/when you do confront her. If not, things will only go further downhill.
I dont beleive i am prepared at this point I havent read DR book yet. I have however come to terms with the fact that i cannot fix/change my W and the need to detach I do beleive I'm coming along well with that. Ive also come to terms with the fact that I cannot live in an open M and i need to set that boundary. Additionally i am feeling better about the possability of this not ending well & ending in D.
This is also my point of confusion since i already did contront her once and im being advised to follow rules GAL all this stuff which as far a i know is part of DBing.
M30 - W29 - S1.5 EA/PA Confirmed - Oct 30, 2015 Confronted W about the A - Nov 1, 2015 W asked for seperation - Nov 22, 2015 W moves out of house - Jan 3rd, 2016
