Hi Bob, Yeah you're right in self esteem being the issue. At least we have time to work these things out and again you're right with confidence that will grow as well. Cheers buddy.
M: 33 W: 30 T: 14 M: 9 S2 BD: May/2015 (w moves into spare bedroom one week later) EA / PA (discovered): June/2015 W moves out (living with OM): Sep/2015
Its something that while we were with our WW that's we did not have to really worry about, although if we did it may have let our WW think about us in a more positive light. I used to suffer with jealously issues because of this, I was always wondering if I was good enough for her and was constantly on the watch for other men. This used to drive her nuts.
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
I will say that your posts definitely inspire me to continue to grow and continue to detach. I like yourself, find myself thinking about my W a lot more than I would want. I still think of her everyday, not as much or as intense as I used to but definitely still wake up in the middle of the night with too many negative thoughts for my liking.
I hope you continue to get better and moving forward. God bless.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
Thanks EMMess. It's natural to think about one we've loved for so long and have lost. Grieving takes time but we will move forward. What's the alternative? I'd rather look ahead.
Appreciate the love and support.
M: 33 W: 30 T: 14 M: 9 S2 BD: May/2015 (w moves into spare bedroom one week later) EA / PA (discovered): June/2015 W moves out (living with OM): Sep/2015
Well, I'm upset with myself from this weekend. WW and I have few texts still, and focus entirely on S2, financial matters, and logistics. Late last week I initiated a text on a bill. I was planning to pay 100% originally, but realized she should probably pay half (this relates to our car that was just sold and we split the proceeds).
I text her the details on Thursday night and she responds and confirms that she will pay on Saturday morning. She then sends a follow up text on logistics for next Thanksgiving weekend (it is her turn with S2). She wanted to split him that weekend as she has plans on Saturday with a girlfriend of hers (not sure why she pointed this out.. but whatever as don't read into where or what she does). I'm thinking of taking time off early next year for vacation so agree to next weekend split and she agrees to next year time off.
I'm upset that I will have to physically see her for the first time since she left end of Sep. Will have to make this transition with S2 quick and at a public location (I don't wish her to come to our house).
She then mentions she wants New Year's eve as has plans (again mentioning girlfriends of hers... she never mentions anything about OM to me ever.. quite amusing). I tell her I will get back to her on this (I don't currently have plans, but I'm not agreeing to this right away).
I can't believe the "what will you do for me if I do this for you..." mentality I just used. I should know better, and now I will break the no contact in person. I guess I should realize these days will come into play with S2, but for me just shows me I haven't detached from her. I still dream about her which is sad.
I need to continue to do what is right for S2 and I and plan logistics better in advance and without the "take and leave" approach. I will learn from this.
WW is in a relationship with OM. She is living with him. They are apparently in love. There is no sign she will ever leave. The few friends I've opened up to ALL tell me she will come crawling back. Whether that happens or does not, changes nothing in my own path. I will continue as I am. Focusing on myself. It feels weird and selfish to think that way as I've never done that, but focusing on self does really help ease the old pain I felt strongly in the beginning.
Just having one of those days.. but onwards and upwards.
M: 33 W: 30 T: 14 M: 9 S2 BD: May/2015 (w moves into spare bedroom one week later) EA / PA (discovered): June/2015 W moves out (living with OM): Sep/2015
Don't be so hard on yourself. You have been doing great! Not responding right away to her New Year's Eve question was spot on. Ask yourself this, would you like to spend the time with S2? If so, do it for S2 and yourself. You could even plan your own special countdown before bedtime with sparkling apple cider. Were you wanting an adult night out with friends to enjoy GAL activities? If so, stick with that plan. The point is that the choice is YOURS!
You are entering uncharted waters by having to meet her in person to transition S2. It had to happen eventually.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Thank you Christy! Great advice on New Years. Will enjoy with my little buddy. I never really had plans anyways but didn't feel I needed to respond immediately.
Well she sent a reminder text tonight lol. I will respond sometime tomorrow that I'll have S2 New Years. Best part I get to start the new year with that little man!
Well today is 6 months from BD. can't believe how quick time flew. Didn't feel that way first three months..... Almost an eternity. I haven't seen her in almost 2 months exactly and only via text once or twice a week. I have to see her Thurs for S2 exchange since no day care. Not looking forward to seeing her. plan is to keep interaction short but warm and upbeat.
Another thing. She won't just end things via filing. I'm not hanging in limbo for very long. I cycle weekly to wanting to file for D myself. But I'm holding to my new year timeframe to work through my options if things haven't changed. That's around the corner but I still think about D which is awful. But she chose her path with OM.
oh well tomorrow is a new day and will stick to one day at a time.
M: 33 W: 30 T: 14 M: 9 S2 BD: May/2015 (w moves into spare bedroom one week later) EA / PA (discovered): June/2015 W moves out (living with OM): Sep/2015
Well weekend has come and gone. WW was supposed to have S2 Thurs, Friday and Sunday. She sends an email ( late Thurs ) saying her phone had died and couldn't turn on. That she still wanted to pick up S2 on Friday. I wait until Fri morning to email back ( we never email ) that I suggest I keep S2 this entire weekend instead as he's not feeling well with flu, and she can have him next two weekends. She hasn't responded to that.
I texted WW today that S2 has flu to let her know and he won't go to daycare tomorrow. That was several hours ago and no response. Will just leave it that and not expecting any response anyway, was letting her know as a co-parent would in my opinion.
The good personally is that I didn't have to see her in person. Even though little guy has been sick, been awesome spending all this time with him.
I still think of her selfish ways as she is wayward, but then trying to get better to shifting focus back to myself. She has her own life to get through, and that is her circus.
Just staying the course ( hopefully at least par ).
M: 33 W: 30 T: 14 M: 9 S2 BD: May/2015 (w moves into spare bedroom one week later) EA / PA (discovered): June/2015 W moves out (living with OM): Sep/2015
I loved listening to your albums in the late nineties, brilliant stuff to study and fall asleep to...
Just stopping by to lend you some support, sounds like you're the best out of a really awful situation. Walking away with a 2 year old is rather mind boggling, but this is an entire board filled with boggled minds.
You're getting some great advice and playing the DB game well. You know you're going to have some awful ups and downs so brace yourself. Your goals look great and I hope you do get out and get to meet some people, keep posting your stuff here and you'll keep getting help from the fabulous people on this board.
Sorry you're here my friend, it's a terrible place filled with amazing people.
Cheers,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
