6 months in the storm

[SunnyB]

Ep, I need to catch up on your thread but my first thought is that abandoning collaboration would not be in your best interest, you have to find new attorneys, it's just a waste of money considering that most cases are not actually taken to litigation anyway. Let me backtrack on your thread and sleep some and I'll do my best to post tomorrow. In the meantime, breathe, and remember how fabulous you really are.

Edited:did you hire a forensic accountant or not? I think not, right?

[Avanti]

Hold your nerve and be patient ep0215.

Negotiation doesn't always have two calm people involved and the calm one always has the upper hand.

Here's a summary so far:

You submit an offer
Your husband looks quickly at the figures, they don't match with his
He calls you and tries to bully you and fails
He calls his L and rants, the L may have tried to calm him but ultimately has to comply with his client's wishes so send the letter saying litigation is the only way forward

A day or two to allow your H to calm down and really look at the figures won't hurt.

IF he still wants to go to litigation then, through your L, re-state your offer of continuing email negotiations as you see it as being the appropriate way forward for everybody then reiterate your concern about cost and also the time it will take to achieve agreement and that family money would be lost to L's.

Don't have any discussions face to face, if he brings it up when with you, calmly say (and you are good at this bit) "this is talk for our L's and that it would not be appropriate to discuss anything now in case there was any misinterpretation".

He may get frustrated, either, if you have time and space ask him why he's so upset and see if he gives you details of what is the biggest problem he has because it won't be the whole offer, or walk away. If you take the former approach, just listen and say "OK", restate what he's said to confirm your understanding then simply "I will think about it". Don't give any feedback on what you think about it to him regardless of what he tries to make you do so. Just end the conversation. The calm one maintains the control.

[ep0215]

Sunny - we haven't hired a forensic accountant but I believe it is time to do so.

Avanti - how I love reading your posts, you give me so much to think about. I have to thank you again for forcing me to set my goals. I have not panicked at all during this. I have remained calm and patient. He did not trigger a reaction from me. I owe that to you and V, As, Azzork and Sunny. Thank you.

When I called to say goodnight to S4 I asked if he had a second. He was in a much better mood. I simply stated that I agreed neither of us want to cause each other financial harm by moving to litigation. I would appreciate it if he would consider keeping the collaborative process. We have been really good at working through our disagreements thus far. I am willing to listen and compromise, I would like to see your counter offer. He said he was shocked by the numbers and felt that I skipped a step (huh?) in going straight to submitting offers. I said I am sure he was shocked and if he will think about what I said. He said he would so we will see what happens next...

[ep0215]

Someone is being petty. Today I got a TM the our cellphone plan contract is expired. I never responded to the text. When he came to pick up S he said he spoke to our provider and he can go to an individual plan at anytime and they will send me an email stating I have 14 days to set up an account before they turn off my phone. All I said was you just paid for November and I know we are both strapped for cash so if you could wait that would be great. I do not have $75 extra a month right now for another bill. (I'm not getting child support yet)

I guess he will notify me when I need to sign up for a cell phone plan. F$cker

[SunnyB]

Ep, it's time to hire the accountant. The cost to do so is less than your lost legal fees should you abandon the collaborative process and certainly less than litigation. You can remind H that you only need one accountant, he's a neutral party that can help you both reach your goals. I met with our forensic accountant this week and he gave me a lot to think about. Totally worth the money.

Let the pettiness roll off of you. The wind may howl but it cannot move the mountain. Be the mountain.

[ep0215]

Thanks Sunny - definitely going to discuss this with him and my L this week.

Exciting weekend ahead - today S4 is building a jet at the Home Depot workshop, then going to see The Peanuts movie. Tomorrow it's the Aquarium and then Ikea!

H is fishing in a tournament today, the grand prize is $50,000. We won 2nd and 3rd place in years past so I wished him luck last night. This is the first time I won't be fishing with him. (I want him to win so he can pay me alimony and child support buwhahaha) just kidding, I want him to win to boost his self confidence. It's been gone for some time.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

[SunnyB]

Ep, just checking in on you, sweetie. I had a meeting with my L and the forensic accountant today in preparation for next week's group meeting. I was so focused on the living expense portion that it didn't really hit me until yesterday that I didn't know how to go about making intelligent choices about which assets I wanted. I felt like I was on a game show, I'll take the house for $200, Bob! So I called a financial planner friend of mine today and he's going to give me some guidance. Anyway, I digress, that's all about me, and what I really wanted to know is how you are doing?

[ep0215]

Sunny - hi friend!

The truth is I am just okay. Work is extremely busy for me this week so I have had no time to even think about the D (which is good I guess) but that also means I haven't talked to L either. Things are stalled. I still haven't heard if they decided to reconsider abandoning the collaborative process. He is giving me grief about wanting to leave a night early for our Thanksgiving trip. I don't want to do the 11 hour drive in one day so I asked if I could leave the night before to get a jump start. Asking him to give up anything for me is like pulling teeth, I am giving him Monday night to replace the overnight he will lose. I am not doing very good about being compassionate to him this week since he bullied and threatened me last week. I am in a funk, I guess. It will pass.

That is interesting about the assets you mentioned. I have warm wishes for you for your meeting tomorrow. I need to call a financial planner too.

Thanks for checking in on me

[Vanilla]

I do forensic accounting sometimes, especially on probate, it's time consuming but factual. Figures don't le!

Valuations can be interpretive though.

Go for it, it's wise advice from Sunny.

V

[ep0215]

Thanks V

I am fuming over STBXH right now. I just got the email about the cell plan being cancelled and I have 14 days to get on a plan on my own or my phone will be shut off. I guess me asking for him to wait until I was financially okay didn't go over well.

I am so tired of taking the high road. I give him everything and compromise with him when he needs something and I never get anything from him. He has no compassion or empathy for anyone but himself. I will follow my plan and I won't say anything to him. I will shut the phuck up but gawd am I pissed.

I am starting to reach a point where I don't think he will ever become unselfish and will always expect everything handed to him and for everyone else to take care of everything for him. I do not want that in a mate. I want a leader. I want a man to be a man but soft enough to show compassion when needed. I need someone to listen to my cries and not get upset with me for having feelings.

rant over