I haven't posted in 3 days but I have been keeping up with everyone's sitchs. It's Wednesday and so far it has been stress free.
I did get a TM last night from STBXH asking where he can pick up S4 tonight. So I think he took my email to heart and he finally 'heard' me. I let him know I would keep him informed of our plans. Later I got a 'have a good night' TM. I guess he hasn't gotten the two financial settlement offers from his L yet. LOL
Seriously though his pleasantness has been such a nice change the last week. I hope it keeps up and I can keep the PMA when he is around.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Quite a few things to update on today so this may be a long post, so bear with me.
Last night’s kid swap went really well. I was bursting with PMA. I tried to be as quick and swift as I could with the hand off, like I had plans to get to. Later that night I saw something on FB about one of his friends, he deleted FB the day he got caught texting OW (EA). I texted him to see if he knew, he did and told me some more details. I validated him that I know he was disappointed but did not offer my advice or anything else. End of convo. (Trying not to give away too many details). I got a TM from him EARLY this morning, he had to of just woken up, about a song our S likes on the radio. RANDOM! He has definitely been acting more like I am a friend lately.
I had an IC appointment this morning; I hadn’t seen her in two months. There was so much to fill her in on. The only time I got really upset was when I had to talk about the death of our dog. I read her my goals and we discussed how to handle the holidays, since I won’t have S4 on Christmas morning. She was very impressed with my goals and said I sounded really good and she is proud of how well I am doing. She knows without a doubt I am going to be just fine post D. We talked quite a bit about how I am now reflecting back and seeing how he had groomed me for 10 years to have no voice and just go along with what he says. Every time I would bring up working on our relationship or changing something to meet one of my needs I would get shot down and then he would twist it around to where I ended up trying to make him feel better and end up putting what I needed aside. I can see this scenario playing out over and over the course of our marriage, for instance I wanted to go on solo vacations as a couple of as a family and every time we ended up going with his parents and siblings. We haven’t had a vacation, just the two of us, since 2007! We have NEVER been on vacation as a family! How ridiculously sad is that? I can see now that I just gave up the fight because I knew I would be defeated. This is what I am changing about myself. I do not have to have the voice he gave to me. I have my own.
Tonight my friends and I are going to watch the Alfred Hitchcock movie, BIRDS!, in the park. It is going to be so scary watching outside in the dark. We bought fake crows to attach to our chairs.
I think that is all for now, at least all I can remember at the moment. I plan on scoring my goals this weekend for October.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
That's a great post ep0215. I can sense a smile on your face and that you are very satisfied with yourself and life, which is fantastic!
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I can see this scenario playing out over and over the course of our marriage, for instance I wanted to go on solo vacations as a couple of as a family and every time we ended up going with his parents and siblings. We haven’t had a vacation, just the two of us, since 2007! We have NEVER been on vacation as a family! How ridiculously sad is that? I can see now that I just gave up the fight because I knew I would be defeated. This is what I am changing about myself. I do not have to have the voice he gave to me. I have my own.
BRAVO!! I have never did the vaca thing with the family either. The kids go every year, but I can never afford to go myself. I too have plans to take the kids to Jamaica in March! I am so excited.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
I had such a positive and empowering day yesterday and then I woke up this morning. UGH! Stupid roller coaster, will I ever get off?
In my email inbox was a note from L saying the 11/9 case management conference/final hearing (if appropriate) is canceled and rescheduled for 12/14. I am seriously stressing about possibly being divorced so close to Christmas. It is bad enough I won't have a H or my son to celebrate with Christmas morning. I cried this morning and that is all I will allow today. I just needed to vent here. He has ruined so many important dates for me. BD day after Easter, signed divorce petition the day after son's birthday and now possible divorced so close to Christmas. I am some serious 4 letter words for him today.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Interesting swap this morning with H...he had asked a few days ago if he could spend some extra time with him today even though it isn't his day since he won't be able to trick-or-treat tonight. He came over at 12:00 to pick him up but didn't leave until 1:00.
He made a baby step into reaching out, I could tell he was nervous, he asked me about the school we are zoned for in this house and what it's rating was. He started to talk about private school versus public school and where should S4 go to school. I am not sure I DB'd this right because it honestly through me for a loop. I am sure he is just thinking about where to move to.
I said "We haven't really had a chance to talk about any of this. About anything that is going to happen after the divorce."
He interrupted me to say "I am trying to open that door right now".
"I appreciate that. Would you be open to sitting down or going to dinner and talking? We haven't discussed anything since July and that was just about closure"
He said he was so do I leave it at that? Don't bring it up again? What do I say if we do get together? I want to come up with some open ended questions, conversation starters but no R talk. We have taken a turn lately on how we interact with each other and it has completely thrown me.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
