Looking forward to hearing all about your GAL activities when you get a moment.
Glad you are doing something to take you out of your comfort zone,those are the things to learn from.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Update. Friday night Meet up turned out ok. Not sure I'll find a new BFF there but it was a pleasant evening. Supper Club tonight was great.
H is coming over tomorrow to get some things. I plan to let him him in and leave. Even though he has kind of reached out lately he's said nothing to indicate he has changed his mind about OW. I 'd just rather not be around him.
Last edited by beckyb; 10/25/1504:03 AM.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Sounds prudent. Hard, but prudent. Time and patience are your constant companion. You have an opt out, and now one will blame you. You are choosing to hang in there. Maybe masochistic in some books, but I'd say realistic in another.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
H just left and I am in tears. I wish I never had to see him again. Why did I think there was any hope at all?
He tried to back out of paying me for storage saying it was technically still his house too. He said again that it was money from his job buy-out that was the down payment. That is true but it's my salary that has kept us in the house. I didn't mention that. I did say I could have caused us both to spend a lot of money and gotten a court order but I didn't. And paying me was cheaper than paying for storage.
He had me sign a handwritten agreement about storage and how much he'd paid. I signed it and said he should know I'm not the kind of person he needed a signed agreement with. He said divorce was messy and you don't know what you'll do until you're put in a situation. Isn't that the truth. True character shows when tested. His is not looking too good.
My own husband, my best friend and love of my life ask me to sign an agreement about storage.
What in the heck changed from last week?
He also accidentally texted me a picture of something meant for OW. Nothing racy. Just a cute owl. Breaks my heart.
He asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about while he was here. I said no. I asked him if there was anything he needed to talk about. He mentioned again about his stuff getting ruined. I said I didn't know how that happened and he should know I'm not the kind of person who destroys things. I think he believes me.
He also asked me about me a credit card. I reminded him he opened the card and transferred a balance to it because it was lower interest. He said he didn't remember, and said he doesn't remember a lot of things.
I just hate this. I really want it over with.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
That's really tough on you beckyb and you didn't deserve it.
{{{{{{beckyb}}}}}}
Let your emotions envelope you for a while and they will pass. The strong and determined beckyb will get back to the surface quicker than ever and then you can decide on what to do next. Maybe it's time to consult your plan?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
We are hear for you if you want to have a good rant!
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I was stupid for having any hope at all and I need to get back to believing the marriage is over. I think it may be time to take a couple more legal steps. I need an agreement about the sale of the house wrapped up in order to list it by March 1st. February would be better to take advantage of the early spring buying season. Plus I want to be rid of this house so badly.
I did do one anti-DB thing this afternoon. I texted H and reminded him that he offered to pay me a storage fee. I never asked him for any money. No response but I didn't expect one.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
That was a very reserved rant, you've really got yourself so under control now beckyb, be proud of yourself.
No one ever says the pain completely goes away completely, so even if you do the things you say, there will still be times when it hurts.
Do what you've said because you are ready to, not because you think it'll make you feel better. If you rush you may feel remorse for doing so. Time is the healer.
Texting regarding fins is fine, it's messaging about R or M that's a no, no.
Look back over the last few months and look at your progress, you are steadily detaching and that is the key to many things including truly finding your own self worth and to finding out if there really is a way for a new R with your H to start in the future, or whether you even want to.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
The text really wasn't about finances. It was me being pissy about the fact that he offered to pay and then acted like he shouldn't be paying me when it was his idea all along. When he moved out he completely abandon the house, leaving me to take care of everything. It's fine. I asked him to leave and chose to stay here. But when when we sell he will benefit from my care and maintenance of the property.
I was doing really well detaching then a couple of weeks ago I allowed hope to take over, probably fueled by a few texts from H that seems more friendly.
I am really ready to move on from this house. It's big and a lot to take care of. I am looking forward to having my own place.
A big concern is there are things that need to be done to the house to get it ready to sell. I am expecting H to reimburse me for half the cost but we don't have any sort of agreement yet requiring him to so, so I need to be cautious. I emailed my attorney this evening with a few questions. We'll see what he advises.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
It's been two weeks since I set these goals. Time for an assessment. Below are my very subjective scores
Spiritual: •Begin every day with a devotional/bible verse - 90% •Pray for other people every day - 100% •Do bible study daily 75% •Cultivate S.M. friendships - 80%
Emotional: •Journal everyday, including 3 blessings - 75% •Don’t worry, pray 30% •Go to one Meet Up - 100% •Do Radical Recovery modules 1 and 2 - 40% •Limited DB forum to 2x per day 0% •Do not text, email or call H - 75% •Don’t push attorney - 100%
Physical: •PT exercises everyday 50% •Pilates class 2x per week - 100% •Walk/bike 3x per week - 100% •Prep food/veggies 2x per week 0%
Financial: •Continue house sale prep: pack up glassware, go through 2 closets/drawers per week, install trim, fix light in basement, purge Christmas by half - getting there •Do not use credit card - 80% •Increase amount in savings - Still need to move some things around •Meet with mortgage loan guy - No yet
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
