I'm so sorry Rouky. Stay focused on yourself and try to not think about your husband. He will do what he does and some day he will be very sorry but that day is not today. I really wish that I could give you a hug and tell you that you will be alright. Hang on with both hands and try to move forward. Someday the hurt will be much less and you will find the peace that you deserve. Just be a great Rouky and a great mom and know that you are loved. Take care!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Thanks. He knows I was checking on him as I rang her door bell! It was late in the evening.
At the moment I'm feeling more angry towards myself for being silly/ stupid that I could save my M. H has decided otherwise. I'm not even crying,only shaking for being so foolish! I'll get over it!
I'm not even going to ask him or challenge him as there is no point, he has chosen her over his family! There is nothing I can do about it! So tomorrow I'll be like I have been for the last few months, happy, smiling and good looking when I'll be going out!
He is lazy and doesn't want to file as it's expensive and he has no ground for it! After 2 years it'll be easier for him! What I'm going to do is see again my L and discuss my financial situation: where do I stand with the sale of the house, childcare etc.... (This has been going on my mind for a while!). We have agreed verbally about how we'll split the house but now things have changed and I need to take care of my kids and myself!
What I'm finding laughable is that he told me he didn't want any kids but she has 3 young kids! He has been moving from one relationship to one another. He is pursuing happiness but I guess when routine will set in and she'll ask him more from him, it will be interesting to see what he does!
The thing is if he is able to cheat on his wife of 10 years, which garantee has she got that he won't do it on her!
I'm gonna let a couple of weeks go by then I'll stop him accessing the house. He can come, pick up the kids and bring them back! No more Mrs Nice guy!
Had little sleep last night. Feeling sick. Tried to cry but tears won't come so I guess I'm past the shock! I can't really tell how I feel as one minute I'm fine, the next I'm not. Funny enough I'm not dreading to see him tonight as I have realised that I have lost.
He wasn't showing any signs of R, he has chosen her instead of his family. I think that being brought up in a family where infidelity was his every day life, it's normal for him. He wasn't happy with me, started an A (that still caries on!), moves in with her. So this what all his siblings did, so I guess it must be right from his views.
I need to realise that the man I married 10 years ago is gone and will never come back! I'd rather be in my shoes than his! He left his first partner with a young child, married me, cheated on me and abandoned his kids. Instead of facing his problems he moves from relationships to relationships!
Now I only need to kill what I feel for him, so I can move on! Sad day but unfortunately it looks like that only a handful of M survive infidelity. I guess I'll be part of the statistic, but at least I can hold my head high and say that I tried my best. So no regrets from me here!
It felt sad all day but I can't believe how a bit of make up and perfume can do! He came to pick the gilts up! Was as cheerful as always, he asked if I was going out tonight to which I said yes (like he didn't know as I asked him to look after the kids!).
No mention from him about last night! Maybe when I get back! But if he argues about what I did, my reply will be that now I know he is back with her I won't need to lie for him when they asked me where he is!!
Hi Rouky, I'm sorry to hear that. The whole 'revolving' door thing is often a feature of such R's. My H has been on-off-on-off-on-off-on?? with OW. And this is just from my knowledge. There may be other offs/ons that I have no idea about as I just don't ask....
The important thing I think is to live your own life. I just decided - this whole on-off-on thing does not affect me. H and I are not together and - that is not my life. If I have learned one thing - it's - that is not how I want my life to be!!
I'll live my own life and if H ever wants to be part of it again, he can ask and I'll consider it at that point. And OW not being in the picture would be an absolute bottom line for me. Until or unless that happens, it's foward motion for me.
I can see that what happens may be a set back. But it needn't fundamentally change anything if you don't want it to. It's up to you my friend...
Give yourself time to process, grieve and then move forward again.
Take care xx
Last edited by Sotto; 10/23/1506:10 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Rouky, probably going through exactly the same kind of pain you're going through now! Is it strength? IDK. Self preservation definitely. I realised that I can't stay bound to that situation, because that is just crazy-making. to get your hopes up-dashed-up-dashed....you can only go through that so many times.
I think my H filing for D helped me let go quite a bit more too. Plus time, shifting focus, having plans, NC...all those things help.
I still struggle with many things, and maybe there's a bit of bravado in my post above. But I do think not remaining linked to the whole 'revolving door' scenario is really important..
The other thing to remember in terms of the A is - it all needs to work itself through - and that does take time. xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Just reporting. My GAL ended earlier than expected, so went back home. H wasn't in a rush to leave. My take is as he is with OW surely as soon as I have one foot in the door, he'd be out! But no!
He mentioned nothing about last night, told me he was unwell and why he'd be late to pick up the kids! I really don't get it! Surely he is with her so why hang around and telling me all those things! When he is done with someone he is ( I know because of his relationship with his father), so is he like that with me?
Sorry but you venting. Surely OW must have a lose screw! H has 3 children from 2 different women & he both left them because he was unhappy. He has been moving from relationship to relationship: a quest for happiness.
When the honeymoon period is over, what guarantee has she got that he won't cheat on her! He has been able to do it with me for 2 years! H has been brought up in an environment of cheating being normal, what does make her more special then me and his first partner?
Just my thought. I should feel sorry for her as H has issues that he doesn't seem/ wants to deal with once for all!
Been feeling sad this morning, cried and picked myself up again. Going to try herbal remedies to deal with mood swings!
Been reading DR again, and one question attracted me attention: What the OW/ OM has to offer to your partner? Well always looked her best (so am I) ticked She can fulfill his sexual needs (sorry can't do that as he no longer lives in the house) Cook for him/ clean for him/ wash his clothes ( can't do that either) Give him her undivided attention ( can't do that as no longer in the house, she also has her XH and mum nearby to take her kids away when she wants time with my H, I got no close family and his family aren't so keen to help with the girls) A shoulder to cry on/ hear ( this is where I miserably failed, also he wouldn't open up to me) Fun (failing as struggling to have fun) BUT this something I'm going to definitively work on! No stress ( well this is an assumption from my part, half way through it)!
So all in all I'm getting there, and there are still some points to be covered unfortunately I can't deal with points 2/3/4 as he isn't in the house!
So I'm a bit stuck as I don't really know how to approach those 3 points? Any advice on how to act on them?
