Hi Peacetoday, I think if there is some contact between your D and her dad, that's for the best. As long as the contact is healthy and positive, I would encourage it.
As for OW part in the contact. Again, I think as long as it is healthy and positive that's okay. Perhaps she is trying to help open the door to more contact - IDK. But best to take a neutral perspective on her motivations unless something else becomes apparent.
I know a guy who stopped being in touch with his Dad, due to his Dad's problems with alcohol use. It's a burden to carry for sure, and if the non-contact can be broken - even if the R doesn't become close again - it's better than your D carrying that burden I think.
I do hope that this proves to be a positive step for her xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
How old are your kids? I had a father that was an MLC'er as well. He basically threw us down in pursuit of his true love many years ago...... Needless to say, it didn't quite work out for him the way he wanted it to..... Fast forward to today and he has tried to build some sort of relationship with me, but I am not interested in such. He calls me now and again, I do not call him. When he calls, he does all the talking, I listen for awhile, then make an excuse to get off the phone. I'm not saying your kids do that, but for me, its all I can give to him.
Someone has been messaging my D She asked the person to Skype her but so far my XH or OW has not been able to comply although they said they would
So my D wants to give it a few days, but Im disappointed for her and I feel XH will may not be able to come through for her
Not sure why all this had to happen to drag this Stuff back up, but hopefully we will all let go again and forgive and move on
I was so hoping that my xh would reach some kind of phase to reconnect with the kids Is it possible that MLCer will never enter that phase?? Its been almost 9 years since this began
Thanks again Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I'm sorry that things haven't progressed, but if it is your h, it could take him a while to work up the nerve to contact her again.
Is it possible that the MLCer will never enter the phase of reconnecting? Yes, it is possible. He could be stuck and if that is the case, then it is best to leave things the way they are for now. Some do not recover from MLC and your h may be one of them...but time will tell. Nine years isn't that long for some of those stubborn ones that have a lot of issues and continue to run from them via addictions, op, etc.
Leave things be and if he opts to have another moment of clarity, he will then reach out to her (if he was the one that actually was doing the reaching).
Again...time will tell. Sit quietly and the answers will come when you least expect them.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My D and I are in process of letting go of XH again.. Some anger pops up, sadness grief and then acceptance again whatever is best..as you said Job…maybe it is best to leave it/him alone our lives are good..I can't save my XH and I can't make him be a good father
MLC is so odd and unusual..these behaviors that are normal for the MLcer would be called insane for the regular guy who in their right mind would not want to talk to their only blood D???
so we keep going and we keep hopefully moving in the direction of growth for ourselves and acceptance love and forgiveness of the MLCer and OW
Thank you again peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Yes it is possible he was a recovering alcoholic for 20 years but I believe he has been using for most of the time with OW Ive heard she is crazy..never met her
I really sense it is OW who did it not sure if it was to hurt us again or show the pictures of them maybe to make sense of their life together she is 14 years younger than xh
It has definitely kicked up old wounds in both me and D , and I can't really make any sense of it
Do you think I should encourage D to block the account so they can't reach her again..I think she wanted to give it time and keep door open?
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Why not just leave things be for a bit. The truth will come out shortly and if one of them doesn't contact your daughter, then it was just a spur of the moment thing.
I think you need to allow your daughter to make her own decision as to whether she wants to block him/her or not.
Again, give it time...nothing may come of it and for now, let it go...
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Im sorry I did not caller Skype you I am really nervous about this I don't want to hurt you anymore I failed you and sibling as a father I wish I had the courage to be the father I needed to be and sometimes I think it would be better to not be in your life at all I feel really guilty and I think about it everyday I know how much I hurt you and brother I hope one day we can restore our relationship but I have some things I have to work through it is not you it is me and all the things Ive done and been through I will call you i just need more time I hope you can understand
Thanks Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
