Dealing with WW, Kids, and Divorce 2

[WhyUs]

Head Space--ugh, trying, trying every minute of everyday to get her out of there.

Heading to trivia night with some friends at a local tavern. That will help tonight.

[Vapo]

I just finished your thread. I will pot my observation in points and the if you wish to discuss any point further, we can.

1. You are doing great. You really are.

2. Your Wife is not the person you married, she has been "taken over by aliens".

3. Quite possibly she hit the crisis of midlife (midlife crisis).

4. Find and read Sandi's 37 rules.

5. LAminate the rules and reread daily.

6. From her rules you will soon find where you are messing up.

7. Stop sitting on your ass and be proactive re your kids.

8. You are getting great advice from the boards here.

9. Things will get better in time, but it takes time.

10. A couple of threads ago you were asking how to get her respect. By not giving in to her every whim, for taking back your balls from her purse.

11. Lawyer up. ASAP. You have to fight for what you want.

12. LEave her be. It does look that you are a master at snooping. Stop it. Do it only if it gives you some sort of tactical advantage. Otherwise it really does not matter if she slept with OM 10 or 15 times in the last month. I understand that the urge is strong, but believe me, not knowing is bliss. And after all the absence of proof of an affair does not prove the absence of an affair.

13. Stay strong buddy. You are not alone in this. We are all rooting for you. Being a male LBS is tough...

Vapo

[WhyUs]

Vapo,

Thanks for stopping by. I agree with what you have said. I have thought about the Mid-life Crisis several times. I have ready Sandi's rules several times but have never printed them out. I have heard that idea before and like it. I am going to do that.

You are correct, I am a master of snooping. It kind of goes along with my line of work these days. There seems to be this fine line between what is healthy and what is not. Most of the things I find I can use against her. However, it does make it harder to detach when I am constantly finding out new things. I guess there is a point of diminishing returns. Perhaps I am there already.

[Vapo]

W,

the problem with snooping is that you cannot unsee the stuff you see. So it is better not to snoop at all. Of course in your case it gives you the tactical advantage, but probably now you have enough of "ammo" and you can shelf the snooping. The main problem with snooping is that it keeps you from detaching, and you really do need to detach, to not get hurt by each and every action she does.

Alas, who she is seeing and who's dolphin she's polishing is none of your business anymore. You take care of your 2 darlings and let her flop in the wind. Take every possible precaution to protect your self financially and emotionally. Get a good lawyer, ASAP and ride their a$$ for results. MAke it crystal clear to them what your goals are re divorce and RIDE THEIR ASSES. You are paying for the ride.

Stay strong buddy...

[WhyUs]

Vapo,

Dolphin, bahaha. Never heard it put like that before.

[WhyUs]

Have fun today peeps! This one is for the kids. They want to see a happy mommy and daddy!

[WhyUs]

I have not posted much lately so I will give a status update.

Halloween was really fun. WW was at a house that was 4 houses down from mine. She allowed the kids to come by and say hello and stay long enough to take a picture. Of course she did not allow me to take them trick or treating. Another knock on her. She even allowed a person she met that night to take them trick or treating. The judge is going to have field day with her.

I was out of town all last week and so was my L. He is going to start working on amending the temporary custody order today. Hopefully the process will be smooth.

The Temp financial order was finalized. WW has already violated it by writing herself a check out the business. She honestly has no respect for the court orders and I hope it comes back to bite her.

My L is also going to try and get the restraining that was contained in the custody order amended. I spoke to my IC about this. She cautioned me to not even try contacting WW even when it is amended. She said the best thing will be to wait until WW contacts me even if it takes months. She said it will be seen as pursuit by her if I make first contact especially since my L is the one trying to get the order amended.

I feel like I have done a better job of detaching lately. I am at a phase where I am not as concerned about what WW is doing with her life. I have also started accepting the D is going to happen. I get more comfortable with this as each day passes. It is becoming easier for me to see the struggle it will be to try and reconcile at this point. I have a lot of friends that are telling me to stop thinking about reconciling. They tell me she is not a person I will ever be happy with.

I know that friends will do this but I am really starting to see it this way as well. I know I will be okay without her. I worry most about my kids. I do not want them to grow up in a broken home.

[WhyUs]

I spoke to the L yesterday. He is writing a letter to her L and asking for Right of First Refusal. He wants them to deny it in writing first. He is also going to schedule the permanent custody hearing.

I found out this weekend that she violated the custody order which states that the children are not to be around a person of the opposite sex overnight. She let them spend the night out with a friend. Normally, I would say that even thought the order does not allow this; it is not the intent of the order. However, the father of the friend is the one who helped her cover the affair. Additionally, she has suspected him of being a child molester in the past. We felt he inappropriately touched our daughter. While we were together we had a strict policy of not letting our children to be alone with him a anytime for any reason. Of course, now they are best friends. It scares the crap out of me because I think he is a predator and is taking advantage of how vulnerable she is right now. She is willing to do anything to get people on her side because she is so embarrassed by the affair.

I sent and email to my L about the situation this morning. I am hoping this will be something to get him to be more aggressive.

[angel r]

whyus,

I also just got myself a lawyer. I havent seen my girls for over 7 weeks after she took them to a women shelter. I have been patient all this time and now she is blaming me i was a terrible father because i never spent time with them etc. She has always stepped over me but enough is enough. I cant wait until we go to court and i can finally see my little girls. Everything right now is for them and only them. I am tired that she always gets her way. I guess is time for me to grow some balls too. I am taking her to court for extreme discipline. I have pictures of physical abuse. I am stopping her cycle and she will not affect my daughteres physiologically anymore, for what , so they can grow and be bullies when they are in middle school like her? I have admitted my flaws, and i am stopping my cycle. Sorry part is that she wont accept hers. ( she is never wrong) I wish you luck buddy! stay strong.

[WhyUs]

Thanks Angel,

If you have not starting doing so yet, keep a diary. Courts apparently love them. It will also help you remember everything and keep it in order.