Thank you Avanti. I'm afraid of making things worse and afraid of being disappointed. I'm really going to have to think about this one.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
As I stated in the other thread, I am also a military spouse. My W is active duty. I know that all commands have adultery reporting. For example, on my Ws base's website there is a link for reporting an A. Don't ask me how I know ...
The military highly frowns upon it. We were friends with a woman who was (key word "was") an officer of the same rank as my W and was caught in an A. Her H gave her command the pics, recording, etc., pretty much everything he had on her. Her career was done. She was booted and he got half her retirement and still entitled to benefits. He was vindictive, though. She really did him wrong and I won't go into details, but it was pretty bad.
Go talk to a JAG. You are entitled to using them, too. Know your rights because you have a LOT.
Last edited by Evil_E; 10/15/1510:24 PM.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Evil E, I am a military spouse. I'm going to look up my rights. I know I would get 50% of his retirement. That's all I know.
Photoka, I am a military spouse as well. What we are eligible for is 50 percent of retirement benefits for the duration of years the marriage overlapped military service. For example, I have been married for 18 years (since the beginning of his career), but my H is hoping to serve for 30 years. I would rate 50 percent of what he has earned towards his retirement at the 18 year mark, rather than 50 percent of his final retirement at 30 years.
As I stated in the other thread, I am also a military spouse. My W is active duty. I know that all commands have adultery reporting. For example, on my Ws base's website there is a link for reporting an A. Don't ask me how I know ...
The military highly frowns upon it. We were friends with a woman who was (key word "was") an officer of the same rank as my W and was caught in an A. Her H gave her command the pics, recording, etc., pretty much everything he had on her. Her career was done. She was booted and he got half her retirement and still entitled to benefits. He was vindictive, though. She really did him wrong and I won't go into details, but it was pretty bad.
Go talk to a JAG. You are entitled to using them, too. Know your rights because you have a LOT.
I think a lot of this is really dependent on the command climate though. I am a spouse liaison to the command and at H's last duty station, I had another spouse contact me about her H's adultery. H actually got his OW pregnant and was taking time off work to go to her baby doctor appointments. H's command did absolutely nothing about it beyond slapping him on the wrist verbally, and actually bad mouthed the spouse who reported. In my experience with female spouses reporting adultery, I have noticed there is very much an "old boys club" at play, and a tendency to think the female spouse is just trying to cause trouble. Which is not to say you shouldn't report if you want to, but make every effort to have irrefutable proof so they are required to take you seriously and do something about it.
I don't want to report him because I have no proof, he claims it was "just" an EA although he was in love with her, and also I don't want him to lose his job. I really want to save the M, but it would be good to know my rights. I had no idea I could talk to a JAG. Thank you.
Thank you Avanti. I'm afraid of making things worse and afraid of being disappointed. I'm really going to have to think about this one.
That's fear talking and it's OK, we all experience that. The brave act in spite of fear and until you reach that point, relax and let things be. The moment when you feel real ready to take the steps required might be just around the corner or way off, there is no way of knowing.
Maybe one thing to help you find out is to visualise your picture of the future, set your goals and create your plan. Remember you don't have to put the plan into action but the work you do may give you a real clue as to where you are on the ready to be brave path.
How do you feel about that?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I think a lot of this is really dependent on the command climate though. I am a spouse liaison to the command and at H's last duty station, I had another spouse contact me about her H's adultery. H actually got his OW pregnant and was taking time off work to go to her baby doctor appointments. H's command did absolutely nothing about it beyond slapping him on the wrist verbally, and actually bad mouthed the spouse who reported. In my experience with female spouses reporting adultery, I have noticed there is very much an "old boys club" at play, and a tendency to think the female spouse is just trying to cause trouble. Which is not to say you shouldn't report if you want to, but make every effort to have irrefutable proof so they are required to take you seriously and do something about it.
I noticed the good old boys stuff, too. And maybe even the branch has something to do with it. In our case, we are Navy and the command climate at the base (now, and even at the one where our former friend was caught) is very much family and takes A seriously. I will admit that I looked into it as I was gathering intel on my W's EA, but I didn't push it. I am not the vindictive sort, but there is only so much one could take, I guess. I don't even think I would do it even if it went PA and was right in front of my kids...well, maybe I would.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Photoka, I am a military spouse as well. What we are eligible for is 50 percent of retirement benefits for the duration of years the marriage overlapped military service. For example, I have been married for 18 years (since the beginning of his career), but my H is hoping to serve for 30 years. I would rate 50 percent of what he has earned towards his retirement at the 18 year mark, rather than 50 percent of his final retirement at 30 years.
I believe that other benefits are also provided in those types of instances, such as TriCare still being provided by sponsor. Others may know more, though.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I don't want to report him because I have no proof, he claims it was "just" an EA although he was in love with her, and also I don't want him to lose his job. I really want to save the M, but it would be good to know my rights. I had no idea I could talk to a JAG. Thank you.
Get it in recording. And, yes, a recording is admissible if you are part of it. The question is, how do you know about it? If it was an email/text trail, get those. Like you, I really want to save my M, but I have all those things from my W's EA hidden away - I don't want to ever use them and if we reconcile, then they will be gone, but I will keep them just in case.
You have every right to a JAG. Take advantage of it. Learn your rights. Like you, I would never report it to the command - it would really take a lot for me to go that route.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I am not military but because of my past profession, and family history, I am very familiar with how things work in the Military. One thing I will say is that if there is a regulation that states how the A should be handled, then it must be followed. You need to find the regulations and understand them. You will want to look at the particular branch of military your Spouse is in. If you cannot find anything, look for DoD regulations.
If you find that they are not following the regulations you need to make the JAG aware. If the JAG is aware and not doing anything(which I doubt will happen) then you need to head over to your senator.
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
