We're spending Sunday together before he leaves. We'll take our D to her soccer class, carve a pumpkin and then watch a movie with her.
Some weeks ago I started to keep a Worry list. I looked at it the other day and realized I had figured a few of things on it out. Felt good. Quickly added more points to my DB Goal list, haha. I also make sure to write even minuscule things on my Grateful list. You're all on my Grateful list.
The lists idea is a great one.
You are going from strength to strength Gmum, it's so envigorating and inspiring to watch.
What I sense we are seeing is the real Gmum coming through, the one that first arrived on this forum is long gone and may get revisited occasionally, but not for long as the real Gmum will take over again.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I wish I had thought about the worry and grateful list. Might copyright you on this one. I feel you are heading in the right direction: to be you again. That's good news :-)
Thank you again. I think you're right, Avanti, I do feel like I'm focusing slightly more on me than him.
Rouky, please do copy. I feel like once I put a worry on paper, it's easier to stop focusing on it so much. And recounting the day to make you think of things you are grateful for, i.e. kids ate their healthy dinner, stranger smiled and uplifted your mood, can help put your focus on the things that are positive instead of the negative, which is what I tend to do.
Take time for yourself, if that's what you feel like doing, do it.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Our Sunday together wasn't as great as I had hoped. He still can't let me in when we're with our daughter. He's also extremely stressed about work etc.
I got really annoyed when we were on the train to go buy the iPod Touch he wanted to get our D. I thought we had agreed it would ONLY be for face timing, but on the train he starts telling her about how they can text each other etc. I gently voiced my concern over that and he immediately got defensive and bursted out "I guess I won't have any contact with her at all" Huh? Not sure where that came from, but I wasn't going to start a discussion about it on a crowded train when our D was there, so I didn't say anything. I didn't think the matter settled either, so Imagine my surprise when we came home later and he started setting up the iPod for her and once again showed her how to text him. Ugh. She's 3 years old. Whatever. I keep it on a high shelf on airplane mode. I just feel like he blatantly disregards everything I say.
Yesterday was our therapy session. It started out bad. I almost lost it. I feel like I've bent over backwards to accommodate him when it comes to my current living arrangement, basically just about when D and I will move. I halfway expected a thank you, but didn't get it. The reason he wanted to come to the therapist with me, was to have me acknowledge that it's not easy for him right now either. And that going away for so long and not seeing D is very different now that we're not together anymore.
He said he didn't really need to go away for so long, but felt like it was better for me. Plus he doesn't have a place to stay, which has been horrible for him. He kept talking about "doing this to me etc" and finally I had to tell him that I see this as an opportunity to grow, to become a better person etc and that he should too. He admitted that he was a mess and that he wasn't growing. He needs IC too.
I tried giving him some advice. Our therapist was very impressed with us, we started with a big blow out, talking about how we're certainly not friends right now, but came back on the right track. I suggested we make a deal to always give each other the benefit of the doubt and we shook hands on that.
He is is so much pain. Throughout most of the session he was teary eyed and about to cry. So much pain. I'm so sad I've caused all that. I hope he can forgive me.
I told him I am SUPER excited for this little business we might start together. He was happy to hear it (I don't know why he only HEARS me when we're paying some $200 to be there, but whatevs) but also frustrated it hadn't come sooner. Past 3 years I've been home with D and before that the business idea didn't really exist, so I don't know why he's mad.
I kind of lose hope whenever we talk - he seems so determined. Oh and he started the session by saying that he would weigh his words more carefully now, cause in the last session I had been upset. I guess that's not good if he's holding back.
