Thank you everyone. After sleeping on it I realize there was nothing offensive about what I said. I think the whole thing was emotionally surreal. I emotionally rebound much quicker now.
We all leave tomorrow morning to visit my daughter in another city. We will stay over night and return Sunday. So all I have is tonight with you fine people. You all are in important part of my life right now.
Set your mind to relax and let it be, whatever happens, happens, what doesn't, isn't meant to be.
Having any thoughts about what might take place is a waste of time and may set you off in the wrong direction.
Be in the moment as much as you can and be with you D. Enjoy the time and let anything your W says slide off you, you are ignoring 100% of what she says anyway, right? The 50% positive she is doing is going with you to see your D, anything else she does is icing on the cake.
It's a tough one to consistently pull off but if you backslide, recognise it and know that you'll bounce back quickly, even if it takes a few minutes on your own walking round the block to achieve it.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I am evolving and adapting to my new normal. I am not expecting much from my wife. I hope that she will come around to considering to share her life with me. Until she warms to that idea I will just live a life of solitude. I will enjoy my children and my interests. With each day that goes by I feel more independent and less desperate with certain possible outcomes.
I believe I maybe distancing myself from my wife emotional. I am not confident that my wife wants a life with me. This might be a psychological defensive measure and if so I'm not sure if I should care that I'm doing it. The only thing that happens if I am wrong is that my wife wants me back.
The question is does my distancing myself psychologically as a defensive measure affect my chances of reconciling with my wife?
^^it's possible it might if this was one of your dysfunctional behaviors from the M that led to its breakdown, then it's more of the same. More importantly it's how it's done. If your distancing while while being a jerk then there is an issue.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Azzork thats a good question. My fear is my distance and aloofness would support my wife belief that there's nothing between left us.
Fogg there are no dysfunctional or bad behaviors. I am probably the best husband I could have ever been. Your point is correct but I am being a stand up guy, a good husband.
I am going accept the natural organic evolution of my emotions. Your question is right on Azzork. I am not doing anything wrong. I am allowed to protect myself from being hurt. If she cared about me she would understand this.
We will be leaving in about 2 hours. We will be traveling and in close contact together for 2 days. I will use this opportunity to practice my validation responses. I will be up beat and positive.
I clearly see my path as living a good life and hope she comes around. That is all I can do.
I will use this opportunity to practice my validation responses. I will be up beat and positive.
And by that you mean you will use you ears at least twice as much as your mouth, regardless of what is being said to you, right!?
Take the time to really understand your wife, it doesn't mean you have to like what you hear. Help her appreciate you understand by mirroring (repeating back in your own words what you've heard her say and keeping your body language open). A person who feels understood, feels worthy. Your need for being understood has to take a back seat, better still be left at home. A hard thing to do, but so worth it.
Enjoy the trip mutatio.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Have a good trip Mutatio. What a beautiful weekend to be going to Boston! Its' probably too late now as you are most likely already traveling, but I was going to suggest an audio book for the car ride if its a long trip- maybe something positive or funny to fill the silence.
I also struggle with the thought that the silence might be reinforcing H's perception that there is nothing left between us. But that can apply to any aspect of DB. If I don't pursue, will he think its over. If I do pursue, will he be turned off. If I GAL will he think I don't need him and then its over. If I don't GAL will he think its more of the same. Its hard to know what to think, so I am sticking with DB, because obviously if my instincts were right I wouldn't be in this situation to start with.
