At least I'm alone right now, so I will go for a long run. That will make me feel better. Although I'm not sure how far I'll get considering the amount of wine I consumed last night...
Find someone to look after your D. Surely, there's someone, even if you have to pay them. Can you drop her at a playgroup or something? DB'ing is all about solution oriented thinking...
The reason I say this is simple if you take a look from his viewpoint, he's potentially thinking about building a bridge back to you and you put your D in the way.
How would you feel if it was the other way around, would you get annoyed? Probably not. Might you think she's not interested in getting back with me? Possibly. How would you feel if initially he said no and then said you've found a solution so the answer can be yes?
Enjoy your run. I get to about 5k and I'm pooped, but I can walk 100km in around 18 hours.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I know. I just sent a text to a friend. I guess I just want to go to therapy alone, because I always end up apologizing to him when we discuss us. I know he just wants to go because our communication is a little off, which I blame him for mostly. He's so defensive with me all the time, even though I'm calm and clear.
Is your therapist a fully trained couples therapist? Don't take their word for it, check their credentials and experience, it is critical to get this right. If not, then look one up and book something. Couples therapy is about both of you working through things, not to enable the continuation of communication in the way you are. or have done. You can always go to see your therapist on your own too, there's no limit in this area.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
If it was me, I'd work out a way to go with him, if he dominates and/or it's non-productive, uninvite him for the next session.
She's your therapist, use her wisely and to help you with what you want her to help you with.
One last point, although $200 is a lot, how much is your marriage worth to you?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
My friend will babysit, so he can go. Regarding the cost, I just mean I can't go as much as I'd like. He's leaving next week until March. He will come visit our daughter. I'm so excited for him to go, although I'll lose my babysitter ;-)
I'd happily pay $200 am hour for us to work on our marriage, but for him it's "just" about communicating better, that's great, but he's the one who is so angry and defensive every time we talk. I'm calm, cool and collected.
That's great news. Don't pin your hopes on this causing a breakthrough, go into it with an open mind. If your therapist is as good as she says, she'll guide things in the right way so be relaxed and trust in her.
You make me feel very guilty, I haven't done any real exercise for around and week now. I think I'll go and run for a while tomorrow afternoon, weather allowing of course and I've got a 14 mile walk planned for Sunday.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
We're spending Sunday together before he leaves. We'll take our D to her soccer class, carve a pumpkin and then watch a movie with her.
Some weeks ago I started to keep a Worry list. I looked at it the other day and realized I had figured a few of things on it out. Felt good. Quickly added more points to my DB Goal list, haha. I also make sure to write even minuscule things on my Grateful list. You're all on my Grateful list.
