What if he gets it for her, and you tell her that it is hers to use to talk to Daddy every night before bed, or after dinner, or whatever time works for you, and you don't put games or videos on it. Just keep it in your purse or up high somewhere. Its just a "FaceTime" iPod.
Photoka, that is a really good point. I just emailed him to clarify what he meant. If he says he knows that she can't have unlimited access, but that her having her own iPod will make him FEEL more connected to her, then we can def talk about it.
Thanks for the suggestion. It makes a lot of sense to do it that way.
Regarding the app, yes it is partly procrastination, but I also really like this lady and know I'll be more prone to keep it up with help. I took an intro class on meditating, but still feel clueless. This morning I managed to get up and shower before my daughter woke up, so I sat on the sofa for less than a minute and tried to clear my mind. Gonna need more help, can't lie.
Haha, I will try to talk very little about my situation, but I know it's one of the reasons she asked me out. She feels so awful on my behalf. I'll try to take the opportunity and live vicariously through her for a minute: Chanel bags and private airplanes. This lady is LOADED!
I have no plans to inform him on my CC. Like you said, I want him to casually discover that I really am changing, it's not just hot air.
(((Gmum))) I would allow the purchase. You are still number one, the big boss when it comes to how much your D uses it. You never know, you D may just need to see it and know it came from daddy and she will feel more loved. Not that gifts prove love, but a way to 'see' him and talk to him is a little more than a gift.
I hope you have a nice relaxing night with your friend. Maybe it will help drain the poison out of your system that this mess has filled you up with
You are really taking steps in a great direction. Keep moving forward and in a few months you will be amazed how far you have gone.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
I don't know what just happened.. Came home after having had dinner and drinks with my friend. First I was kinda annoyed that he drank my wine, he knows me better than that, but ok. I'm really not sure what happened but he he became defensive, accused me of not wanting her to have the iPod and I said it was fine. I think in his head he had made up his mind that I was against it. It was one of those "why are you mad? I'm NOT mad" kinda things. But I kept calm, even when I told him that drinking my wine was NEVER ok, haha. I DID say thank you for babysitting when he was leaving. Just had to get that out, but I'm not sure he would even find that offensive.
Oh he got really mad at me for asking him to get some of his stuff out of the apt, because he doesn't have a place to stay at the moment. I told him he could put it in his office which just made him more annoyed.
Oh-ho! You figured it out. The WS always wants to be the one calling the shots. You asking him to get his stuff out? Well, how dare you? LOL In his mind, he's running the show (also why he drank your wine) and any input from you he will find offensive.
You have done very well Gmum. It might be your alcohol that he wrongly consumed without asking that caused the anger, but that's irrelevant, you got a good point(s) across.
Now you've declared your boundary, stick with it. If nothing happens in a day or so, ask him when he going to move his stuff and keep doing it at regular intervals until he does. Following through is most important, especially with some of the passive aggressive behavior he's demonstrating. Don't let it become an overly contentious point , polite and firm reminders that state you do expect him to comply will get a result eventually.
If he argues too much, it gives a hint that he's re-thinking his position in the R, but this is not something to wish for, or cling to, nor affect how you behave for the near future. Your continued steps towards detachment are critical.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Wow, you guys are awesome. I feel so much better now.
He decided he is going to run a marathon, so last night when he came to babysit, he had just finished a 2 hour run. This morning, shortly before he came to pick up D, he texted me asking me to tell her she had to walk to the train (she always wants him to carry her) because his knee was completely busted. I tell her, she gets upset, I didn't want to deal with it, so I bribed her with a snack, which was stupid. When he comes she doesn't ask to be picked up, but he tells her to come up. I asked about it and he said she wasn't going to walk. I ask about his knee, he said it's completely swollen and he'll need acupuncture. Then he picks her up and looks at me like I'm the idiot here for asking. I just can't.
He also just texted me to see if anyone can babysit her at my next therapy session, because he thought maybe he should go too. I just said I couldn't think of anyone and he said that was ok.
