You are doing amazing compared to day one you were on here. You have made great strides in a short amount if time. I bet you were crying non-stop back then and it is probably less than half that now. Maybe once or twice a day? Considering what you are going through, that is progress. Keep going!
Last edited by BT13; 09/29/1512:35 AM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
BT- you know what? You're right. When I first came here I was a shell. All I wanted was to fix my marriage. Now, I don't want that anymore. I want a better one.
I found my spine, too. I'm doing just fine stating my position and sticking to it. I still can't stop crying during these conversations, but I don't bend.
I smile a lot. I reach out to others. I've made a plan for my immediate future that doesn't involve H.
I guess I am doing better. Just really lonely. Maybe that will pass, too.
You are doing sooooo better, not just better, you are doing great. It seems each day you make more progress than I have in a year . Anyway I'm curious about new name choice, does it have any meaning??
I guess I am doing better. Just really lonely. Maybe that will pass, too.
This will all pass. Its a question of what you and your life will look like when you emerge out the other side. We'll all get there - its just a matter of time.
Keep moving toward your goals and stay patient. Thats all you can do!
Ugh. I am so unhappy about something I would have been thrilled about a month ago.
Due to pressure from the children, H has suddenly and reluctantly decided to go to marital counseling. His attitude is awful, but I can hardly refuse to go. I owe it to the kid's efforts to get him to slow down and go to counselling before divorce to participate myself.
H is in full poor pity me mode. No remorse, no real interest, but I feel trapped into trying.
I suppose the worst that can happen is we'll get divorced...lol It's just so ironic that I am underwhelmed. I would have been doing cartwheels last month.
Ugh. I am so unhappy about something I would have been thrilled about a month ago.
Due to pressure from the children, H has suddenly and reluctantly decided to go to marital counseling. His attitude is awful, but I can hardly refuse to go. I owe it to the kid's efforts to get him to slow down and go to counselling before divorce to participate myself.
H is in full poor pity me mode. No remorse, no real interest, but I feel trapped into trying.
I suppose the worst that can happen is we'll get divorced...lol It's just so ironic that I am underwhelmed. I would have been doing cartwheels last month.
Any advice?
Well, that should be interesting. I think it is very important who you pick. There is a website dedicated to marriage friendly therapists. I also think that many will not take you on if there is an active A.
He may very well be giving it a go and not put in the effort, but to have the excuse that you tried everything.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Michele has an excellent article regarding Choosing a Marital Therapist. It is here on her website so please read it.
"Make sure your therapist has received specific training and is experienced in marital therapy. Too often, therapists say they do couples therapy or marital therapy if they have two people sitting in the office. This is incorrect. Marital therapy requires very different skills than doing individual therapy. Individual therapists usually help people identify and process feelings. They assist them in achieving personal goals. "How do you feel about that,?" is their mantra."
Is your husband doing this just so he can check off a box to make the kids happy? Your being underwhelmed is good because you recognize that he is in victim mode.
Consider working with a DB Telephone Coach. Each of you would do a session individually before having one together. The advice you will receive will be invaluable.
Regards, Cristy
Last edited by Cristy; 09/29/1505:33 PM.
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Well, found a MC (pro-marriage) and set up for Retrouvaille in October. I'm sure I'll be checking in soon. Headed out of town to go to class to be able to draw blood.
My view is quite different An, until WH is willing to give up the skank, MC is just a manipulation, just to say, "you see I tried" or to arrange an easy let down for you.
I think MC will offer you false hope that WH will R.
If it were me then I would say "MC is appropriate if you have given up the skank for good, and you want an R with me, if not wait until you are ready to propose it"
Just my view
V
Btw love the new name
Last edited by Vanilla; 09/29/1509:58 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
. Anyway I'm curious about new name choice, does it have any meaning??