If you were enthralled to WH, then the kids likely so. Each will need their own spell break. However as the first stander you stand alone to the bullies might.
Have you seen the film The Dead Poets Society and the "O captain, my captain" moment (Alt Whitmans ode to Abe Lncoln) as the kids stand on the desks to support the Robin Williams character as a sacked teacher?
Recommended if you can. I am minded of this.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 09/25/1503:56 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Oh, wow, V! That is such a good point. Enthralled is absolutely correct.w
Thanks, Photo...I really do believe I will be ok.
That said, I've made a decision that is going to rock HIS world for a change. I've said before, he has controlled every aspect of my life for years. The one I'm getting most tired of at the moment is having to beg for money. It is humiliating to be questioned about how much and why.
I'm throwing off the chains he uses to control me. I'm not asking to hurry up the divorce, but I am going to take care of myself with the help of my lawyer.
I've made an appointment on Tuesday to set up formal temporary spousal support. V said something last week about if he does get laid off, he will receive a severance package. I started thinking...left up to him, I would not see a penny. I believe I am entitled, by law, to a good portion of that.
He will be furious. I do not care. Well, I am a bit scared, but I'm coming out from under his thumb. I still would prefer MC over D, but I'm not willing to accept the status quo any longer.
I'm just trying to catch up on your thread now. V mentioned that I might want to chime in. Your sitch seems very similar to mine and I think you are doing a great job. But remember to be careful. Men like this don't like when they feel that they are losing control and it could get ugly. My H had me removed from the home by coming up with a bogus order of protection, that quickly turned into a separation agreement under the guise of an order of protection. He did this when I decided to reclaim my home by not hiding in my bedroom to avoid him anymore. He played the game dirty and smart and had been recording every conversation we had. He would instigate conversations that he knew would make me defensive, and when I started ranting about the topic he would say "you are harassing me." "You are cornering me (even when I wasn't)" "You are following me". Every time we have to appear in court for it the date gets pushed off. The way it stands now it really is more of a separation agreement, but it is against me--so if I violate it I could be arrested, whereas if he does it is just a ding in a divorce case. Very unfair, dirty, nasty, and honestly I have lost all respect for a man who used to be full of integrity and kindness (or so I believed).
It was a terrifying experience and one that still has me reeling--even though I think in some ways it was very good for me. He looks like the DBag that he is, and it forced me to get the distance that I really needed. Also, having to leave with only things I could gather up in 15 minutes while officers escorted me through my home made me reevaluate the things that really matter--I am not the one stuck sorting through the physical baggage we have collected, I am the one asking for only the things I truly value.
However, it is far from an ideal situation. So definitely make sure you have an attorney that has your back. And don't be afraid to protect yourself. If you ever feel he is bullying you in anyway, don't hesitate to get your own order. Especially if he is threatening you.
I am now rebuilding, and it is a very cathartic, yet humbling experience.
Remember DB is for you. I sense that you understand that, but I reiterate it because sometimes we slip. Sometimes we are DBing so well that our WAS start to take notice and start to come back, and it is easy then to believe that we are on the right track to saving our marriage. When that happens it is really important to stop, and remember we are DBing to save ourselves. There have been many times when my DBing was effective to the point of H telling me he loves me and wants to fix our marriage, only to run away again the second I start to let my guard down. Each time he acted more cruel that the last. It is a power trip. I realize that now.
Your marriage is over. A new one (with him or with someone else is possible) but this marriage is OVER so reclaim your own life. Don't let him back in. When he really, really wants to be back in he will be the one doing all the work. And who knows, at that time maybe you won't even want him anymore. That's where you need to be. Keep the focus on YOU, not on your marriage, and definitely not on him or OW.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
Oh, my. Thanks for the warning. I've been e-mailing my attorney quite a bit, and she's already brought up the issue of an OoP. I dismissed the very idea, but I could tell she hasn't. I wonder how many awful things these poor family lawyers see?
I really believe I have a great lawyer. She's been nothing but supportive, and I haven't even officially hired her yet!
I appreciate, more than you know, you chiming in. I'm learning and growing so much, and it's truly thanks to the good people I've met here. I'm honestly terrified...but I'm determined. I will do what my attorney recommends. She's obviously seen it all before.
I feel badly for H. I truly believe this is part of MLC. He is such a different, almost opposite, man from the sweet, kind man I married. I hope the "real" H returns one day. I really miss him.
Thanks for stopping in my thread. You have only been here for a month and made more progress than I have made in a year. Kudos to you. You are empowering yourself, and protecting yourself. You deserve the best. I just wanted to offer you encouragement.
Learning...but I think I'm learning to HATE him. He kept trying to convince me his skank didn't break up our marriage, me and all my failings as a human caused it.
Now, I know it's just part of the script; but, I have to confess it got to me. He's known me for 21 years. He knows how to get me where it hurts.
