Continued from last thread. I don't know how to link.
Confused. Hating H right now but also I think he just displayed some strength in a positive way.
Maybe I should not put too much thought into it and go drink a bottle of wine behind the tennis courts in my neighborhood, like I have recently started as a GAL activity.
OK I just texted H. You know, because I am a chronic pursuer. I texted him "You showed strength and leadership by explaining yourself clearly and not allowing our disagreement to get too crazy. Thank you, I appreciate that and I respect you for it."
Then I added "please love me again." No, didn't add that part, I am not that much of a pursuer!
I am heading out to the church event, going to get dressed up really nice and either make some new friends or just have a pleasant evening with the group.
The church event was ok. Kind of boring but I met some nice people. I am wiped out emotionally from today, and physically from too much GAL. I need to spend some quiet time at home. Today I had a singing lesson, lunch with friends, and then church event. GAL has become my full time job, I need to slow it down. I feel desperate if I don't get out though, because then it hits me that I am not loved.
I don't know what to think. I am too reactive. As hard as I work on it, I am reactive. Less than I was, way less than I was.
The silent treatment is killing me. He speaks so little to me, so infrequently. Is this his deep hurt or is this passive aggressive? I don't know. I am just so lonely.
The silent treatment is so hard on me. I have 3-5 sentences of dialog between us each day. I hate it. It feels so cruel.
I think that my wife is not doing it on purpose. I think that my wife is so deeply stuck in her own head she is not aware of the pain shes causing, or she feels so strongly against the marriage she just has nothing to say. I don't think she does it to cause me pain.
I don't think your husband is intentional trying to punish you by giving you the silent treatment. Could he be that cruel?
Thanks Mutatio, I don't know, maybe its not intentional but it is cruel anyway. It sounds like we are getting the same amount of communication.
When I try to talk to him, what replays in my mind is the comments he made during the first 3 months after BD, all the spew, "you have to be a completely different person for me to love you again", "I hate you", "you are socially retarded", that type of thing. So I feel the silence as hostility, because the silence started once I told him I wouldn't take the verbal abuse any more.
I am burned out. Part of me wants to ask him to leave. Part of me feels like we are at a turning point.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Azzork, I know that, I really do, and 90% of the time I tell myself that and I hold up well. 95% of the time. And then maybe once every week or two I just get so sad and so angry and I react. I need to remind myself to come here and post before reacting.
Also my D14 has terrible school attendance, is home today with cramps, and my S11 is freaking out with stress attacks multiple times a day and I am literally wiped out emotionally. I need help with these kids. I really need help.
