Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
You are completely right. My wife may have some mental issue because she wrote somewhere that she is emotionally damaged and she will end up by passing from one man to another. Now her leitmotif is to change constantly man until she found the right person.
Easy - My advice is not so practical as the others here. But it is for you. As you go through this, remember that this is not about you. She will do what she will do because she is looking for happiness. But until she can realize that she needs to bring happiness from within, she will continue to search and to struggle. She believes that you are the cause of her unhappiness, but it is really from within. Stay strong, focus on you and your children, and try to protect yourself and them from her damage as much as possible. Please read the lighthouse story also - its very powerful.
I am divorced since last December due to the infidelity of my wife. We have a 6 years old daughter. Now I am facing different challenges. One of the men who also was dating my wife before even the divorce becomes very attached ( this point is not important for me but it will help to understand my next statements). He even destroyed his own family in order to be with my ex. He got divorce shortly after mine in January .He is 50 years old and my ex 32. He has an airplane and use it to corrupt my ex as well as my daughter. I scarified my career ( leaving my job in Africa, country, family and rich web of friends) for my ex wife to be focused on her medical doctor career (surgery). As soon she finished with the main training and can make good amount of money she decided that she deserved better than me. I know I cannot question her choices. One side of my difficulties is that a rich man is manipulating my ex to hate her own daughter: We do have a joint custody, today this man is manipulate my ex to create condition in which she will be separated with her own daughter in order to avoid people to see, he as rich white man, he is being happy with the leftover of a black man. For instance, one day before the day of my daughter's first graduation, this man invited my ex to leave USA for Cuba. It was her tour to take care of our daughter and she went to Cuba and left our daughter with a babysitter. Of courseI went support my daughter at her school Our daughter 6 birthday, she was also with her mom but this man did not want them celebrate it, so no party for her but I did have one late for my daughter. Second Side is my ex manipulations: She is trying to make me take care of our daughter even if it is her tour but I made clear for her that it is time for all of us to learn to be a better parent therefore I am not going to do this job at her place. I added to my correspondence to her that we cannot comprised until she learnt to be honest with herself which means I don't want be treated as a sitter as I did it in the last 5 years before our divorce. I notice that even if my daughter loves me she started acting weird: she hits me some time for reason, she cries loudly for no reason, she is not anymore happy about everything that used to bring joy and happiness in her heart. this unjustified violence made me worried and I can see she is being alienated. Her mom always arranged to tell what I would do with her. she comes in my place with ideas about should be done. Lately, my ex wrote me an email in which she was saying that I am planning to use a gun to attack her boyfriend which is completely a lie. I am working to put my life together. I have a useful goal for myself and for the lovely people around me. I am trying to overcome my difficulties by working hard and helping time to time my poor family back in Africa. I came far away: from somebody who has a bright future in Africa and who did not all dream to come to the USA, to somebody who met a peace volunteer in Africa and got married and came to USA, to a homeless, now a tenant. Right I am preparing my project to do a PHD in French in France. I did apply for several Universities. I have dreams and hope my daughter and myself. I don't want mess with this man and my ex.
I will welcome any help because I still love my wife despite all.
I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. You've come to a good place, and you will find a ton of great people/help on these boards.
First and foremost, read the posts provided by Cadet, and the ones following it. Just do it. The last thing I wanted when I came here was a bunch of homework and "things to do", but it's truly the best thing I did, and probably the best thing you can do.
If you need a break, post an update, how your feeling, fill in gaps, etc. The people here are great, and you'll see that very quickly.
