Azzork, you are right, I am fighting for me and for my kids. If you can do it, and your sitch is further along than mine, than I can do it.
And it is an opportunity. But I am having trouble managing my emotional pain lately and not feeling very strong. But if I could get through what I already have, another 4 days should be nothing, right? 6 months ago I didn't think I'd last a week, and here I am , more good days than bad, so I can do this.
I can't take away the inlaws reasons for hating me, because they told H that they hated me since the day they met me, and with me out of the way they can "get the family that they always wanted." They also hate my sister-in-law, and then one before that. I think they just want their sons to be in their control.
I can be more easy going, I can be non-reactive, not petty, non complaining and pleasant. Which I know I have not always been. I had my reasons but I realize now that the reasons don't matter. I have been so good around them, really working on it for the last 2 years, way before BD, and extremely working on it since BD. So far nobody seems to notice.
And it is an opportunity. But I am having trouble managing my emotional pain lately and not feeling very strong. But if I could get through what I already have, another 4 days should be nothing, right? 6 months ago I didn't think I'd last a week, and here I am , more good days than bad, so I can do this.
Not feeling strong and not being strong are totally different things. Dont beat yourself up for not being strong just because you are having a down day or couple of days. You CAN do this.
Originally Posted By: photoka
I can't take away the inlaws reasons for hating me, because they told H that they hated me since the day they met me, and with me out of the way they can "get the family that they always wanted." They also hate my sister-in-law, and then one before that. I think they just want their sons to be in their control.
You cant make them like you. Thats for sure. But I believe that you have to feed feelings of hate the same way that you have to feed feelings of love. So if you stop giving them that "hate food", theyll eventually grow tired of hating you.
Originally Posted By: photoka
I can be more easy going, I can be non-reactive, not petty, non complaining and pleasant. Which I know I have not always been. I had my reasons but I realize now that the reasons don't matter. I have been so good around them, really working on it for the last 2 years, way before BD, and extremely working on it since BD. So far nobody seems to notice.
You cant control them either. You do what you think is right and they will come around or they wont. But keep working at it. Im sure its being noticed, even if its not relayed to you.
Azzork, you are right. I might not feel strong right now, but I am strong. And we all know how feelings can change.
And as far as the inlaws, I am sure they will never like me. But I don't even like me when I am around them, and I have changed that. They bring out the worst in me ( and H, and brother in law, and sister in law, notice a theme here?) but not anymore.
Me again. Lots going on in my head today. I am going to be ok this weekend. You might hear from me a lot on here, because my "real life" friends and even my IC don't "get it" and think I should just be able to ask H WTF is going on, but you all know better.
I decided to "let it go" this weekend. I will not change my strategy, will hold the course. Seems I have to remind myself of this quite a bit this week. My emotions are rough, but I am doing ok.
Sooner or later, I will act. But it will be an action not a reaction. But not this weekend with the inlaws here, and not in the next 2 weeks because we have MC again then and I want to get through one more round before making any decisions. So back to the same- DB'ing. Not reacting, taking care of myself, STFU. I am seeing results, they are just painfully slow. I need to remind myself that slow results are better than no results, and definitely better than going backwards.
OK, thanks people. Wish some of you were here in real life because I could use a night out with people who "get it". My friends are awesome and really helping me so much, but I think they are about to ask H themselves wtf is going on in his head as nobody seems to know. And again, they don't get the whole mindset and they think I am being a doormat/martyr. Its ok. I've got you guys for that!
Photoka... you got this girlfriend! Funny thing ive had a rough week emotinally too and I just want to hear some one tell me im doing the right things! I know I am because things are really positive but taking what seems like an eternity. Some days just drag for me and when I dont have interaction with spouse for a day or so I feel like I have withdrawals.. im not so focused on the negatives that have been haunting me the last few months but I just miss the company.
Hang in there photoka .. im sending you strength.. and yes I would love a DB get together too!
Married 1991 D 23 GD 3 D 21 S 20 M 49 S 48 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
Lonelee, wherever you are, I am raising my glass to you! Although I am drinking water tonight, but Cheers! Let's toast us.
My ILs' just showed up as I was rounding up the kids for bed. Of course I am always the bad guy, making the kids go to bed. They have back to school orientation tomorrow early so bedtime is now.
My H, who has barely said a word to me in 6 months, is all chatty and hugs and kisses and "I love you Mom, I love you Dad". I learned more about what is going gone in H's life in the last 10 minutes since they walked in than I have in the last 6 months. I know the love for a parent is different than the love for a spouse, I know that and I am not jealous of that love, but just jealous that his energy changes when they walk in, and with me its all a burden.
I can do it this weekend. You'll are going to be hearing a lot from me though, I am sure, I feel better after posting. Bear with me people, it will be worth it when I come back with my success story and can inspire you all. But right now I am in the thick of it.
I am doing it! Pulling it off! Not sure how, but I am actually having fun. Turning my attention to my daughter, who is in a great mood today, and for some reason every time I turn around today I run into a neighbor or a friend- about 5x, and stop to talk and everyone is in a happy mood. Probably because our kids go back to school next week.
And I have social plans for every single day next week. Suddenly I am popular. That's what opening up and really connecting with friends does.
