Still Looking Inside

[mleigh4]

Um..I wish I was making this up but I'm not. At drop off, H waved me behind the truck away from S and asked if I had heard anything about his sister (the drug addict) I said no.

He went on to tell me that she has run off to an island in Mexico and is hiding out there because she is delusional and thinks people are chasing her. She has sent some strange text messages to her mom and sister and they were able to figure out where she is. Gets better.....

H then tells me he might need to go and find her, so he was giving me a heads up in regards to S... I replied right away that does not sound safe, you don't know what kind of people she is hanging out with, and if you did find her, what are you going to do, tie her up and throw her over your shoulder onto the plane??? Our friend Paul offered to go with him and the hope is she would trust H to come back. I guess his mom called the consulate and was told the police are useless in these situations. Apparently mom wants to go, but husband (not her dad) said no. (Can you imagine anyone keeping you from your child? I mean in this situation, H sister is over 50 years old and has dug her own bed as I see it, but if she really wanted to go....I just have no respect for his mom)

I just told H I am sorry to hear about the turn of events with her and to let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

I drove away, and got madder and madder. Has he completely lost it? Do we matter at all? His son at least?

So I TM him to question if they are sure she is delusional because she is hard core into drugs and it's very possible people ARE after her for money owed. God knows where she is and who she is with, and I again let him know I am worried about his safety because we are talking Mexico here.

He replied that based on texts she sent her mom and sister, that she is clearly delusional.

I replied that I understand his concern for his sister and that I hoped they could figure out another way then him going after her. I added that I don't like it and don't agree with his family thinking he should go.

He replied that he offered, no one asked him.

I answered..ok do what you think best, I am here to support.

Got back Thank You with a big heart.

I don't even know what to think about all this....other than ridiculous.

[job]

What would you do if you were faced with a situation such as this with a member of your family? Would you sit back and do nothing?

[job]

The consulate is correct that the police will do nothing unless she commits a crime. If your h does find her, as her brother, he may be able to have her admitted to the hospital for observation, i.e., if she's delusional enough to cause bodily harm to herself or someone else.

Besides the run of the mill drug addiction, does she have any type of personality disorder, such a bipolar, etc.? If she's off her regular meds for such an disorder, this can cause delusions.

As for your h's safety, at least someone is going w/him to assist him in locating his sister and hopefully getting her admitted somewhere for proper treatment, whether it's in Mexico or the States. I wish him the best, but again, the police will not do anything unless she commits a crime of some sort.

I'm sorry this has come up, but I do "get it" about why your h volunteered to go search for her. He is concerned, as I would be about the situation if my sibling was in a foreign place acting delusional, etc.

[mleigh4]

I don't know Job...I don't have siblings, I am an only child. I do have friends I love very much....but we are talking about a 50 something woman, who has 3 children and 5 grandchildren. Since I met H 15 years ago, he has seen her a handful of times, they have no relationship. She is a half sister, from his mom's first marriage. And each time I have been around her, I always thought she was a bit off, saying random off the wall things, and just not very nice. I have never cared for her much.

She has been struggling with drug abuse for many many years. H dad has offered to pay for rehab, her children have begged her to get help. Just last year her daughter let her move in, then kicked her right out because of her verbal abuse.

No one has told me of any personality disorders but now that you mention it, seems very likely.

Mainly I worry about H. Really, I am the first to offer help if someone needs it, I just don't want anything to happen to him. He comes first. I can just see him getting her back here, she will not get help, and off the deep end she will go again....it's just been a pattern with her.

However, I meant what I said when I told him to do whatever he thinks he should. I will support him. Who knows? It may be an adventure he needs to take....it may help him in some way....it may be something he needs to do.

[job]

This could very well be the adventure that your h craves right now. Keep in mind, during MLC, they play the savior. They have this need to rescue someone in distress and it is generally the OP, but in this case, it could very well be his sister.

Sounds like she may have some mental issues going on and hopefully your h and his friend can figure out what to do w/her if they locate her.

Your h and his friend will not take any unnecessary chances while there. I'm sure they'll consider all of their options before they go off to remote places looking for her. Let's just hope and pray that they find her and she's not done any harm to herself and they all can return to the States safe and sound.

[mleigh4]

Thanks for your prayers Job. SIL and MIL are all over Facebook with this. The latest is that SIL in Mexico contacted SIL here via Facebook and told her she is safe on the Island but cannot go back to the airport in Cancun without a police escort because of something she witnessed in Cancun. With the help of a church on the Island, she has been spotted and they know what hotel she is staying at. MIL has left her a message that if she will come home, my H and FIL will go get her. Waiting to hear back.

Well, at least she picked a beautiful place to hide out at! And at least she sounds safe right now. I feel much better knowing more details and especially knowing FIL would go with H.

Woke up early this morning and went on a marathon walk. I just kept going Forrest Gump style! Felt great.

Looking for things to keep me busy until S gets home. He expressed yesterday that he hates having to stay at daddy's, even said he wishes he would move back home so S wouldn't have to go back and forth. I told him I understand how hard that must be and praised him for handling it so well. I told him I don't think daddy is quite ready to come back home and that we really still are not sure that will happen, but that we need to stay patient and let daddy have this time. S groaned, gave me a huge hug goodbye.

Maybe it's time to start that painting project in my master bath!

[mleigh4]

Some interaction with H. He came over to drop off S. I was out back picking some weeds, so he came outside. Was very friendly, said he could smell dogs potty mat and went to work spraying it. I was cleaning up one of my plants and he playfully sprayed at me. It is hot so I said Ha that feels good!

We came inside and I showed him the start of my bathroom project. I then said, ok, I have a man in the house so let me think if I need any help with anything.....and he walked over to his hanging deer head and asked if I was ready to get rid of it. I said I was ready a long time ago! So, yes happy he was taking that God awful thing, but also thinking.....he isn't coming back home.....

So he needed some tools and the ladder in the garage, so I went down to help and decided to just throw it out there...I said eventually we should get together and talk about what we are going to do....H said, ya, I know..is there a socket wrench in here? I said, "ya, you know?" He looked at me and said, ya, I know you want to (in a not nice accusing sort of way).....and his voice trailed off. Then he exclaimed here it is! Grabbed the wrench and took off. Left me wondering, is he still ticked about friend staying over? So I dropped it.

He got the deer head, then spent 15 minutes working on the garage door that wasn't closing properly before he left.

Well, I was curious what he would say and I guess that's all I get right now! At least I can laugh about it. 2 years since Bday, 7 months since move out....I feel the need to know where he is at! Super curious. So, I will take my seat again here in limbo land of the dark. It ok, I'm good for a bit while more... I think... Anyone have any popcorn? Got some wine

[mleigh4]

I am feeling antsy pantsy. I feel like basically I am living life and not able still to make any decision about H, but instead waiting to see if H wakes up, or if I meet someone. Whichever comes first. Craving companionship lately....Can anyone relate?

My new goal is to ride this through the holidays. My favorite time of year is around the corner and I don't want anything to tarnish that. That gives H 1 year of living on his own, seems that I have come this far I may as well keep going here. I really hope something is starting to happen inside him. I don't know how longer I can do this with any hope of having feelings for him again. The longer this goes on, the more I feel myself slipping away

[CaliGuy]

M

If anyone can relate to that last post its me. I recall looking at the calendar thinking .. OK, Nov makes it a year, her lease is up and should show some movement ... but nothing, in fact seemed OM was still there and would always be ... I to decided .. Holidays, new traditions, new life ... I can still see it on the calendar in my office in red "D_R" of when I gave up. November 17th those ants in my pants took over and I was not going to ride any longer. I think it was about then I did the 'date' and while that was new ... .it did tell me loud and clear I was not ready to move on in that aspect of my life .. so I decided to be solo for as long as I needed to be.

I relate to all those feelings and special things feeling like sand in your hands, slipping through the middle of your fingers so fast and now you just seem to have 'dirty hands' but something keeps you from dusting them off, its not as if you are holding on to those grains of sand, but they in fact are holding on to you in some strange defiance to gravity.

Get past the SIL issue, get through the holidays ... I am not sure what approach one should take ... I see a possible cake eat fest chance during the Holidays .. I know the first year I did as W wanted/needed and that was painful, painful knowing we had our fake family holiday, then she had another with OM, the next year I refused to have any part of it with her and this clearly sent the boulder rolling down the street. Easier for me in this respect as there was a OM, your H never has seemed to go down this route ... strange little duckie that he is.

Curious to see how things play out in the next few months with him.

[mleigh4]

That is just it Cali! He seems fake....It is starting to seem to me like he is putting on some kind of show for S, but is completely different when dealing with just me on any kind of serious subject in regards to our R. I still sense so much anger there, I saw a complete flip of attitude and demeanor in that 2 minute exchange in the garage. It actually left me speechless and is beyond weird. I remember thinking to myself, are we talking about the same thing? It blows me away to think HE is the angry one here...

And yes, I can bet on cake eating during the holidays....

I just don't know...feeling like, if I know there is any chance with H, I will stay in it. If he is already done in his mind and just letting this drag out to avoid being the "bad guy", I want to move on....like I said, I am missing companionship and feel like I am missing out on things...my friends are fun, but it's not the same. I am too young to be alone....

Would it be so bad to do my own temp check with H, to see where his mind is at? Because mixed messages have been coming like crazy. Even in our blow ups, I get nothing in regards to our R. I don't feel I am able to put myself out there until I know where H and I stand. With no R talk in 7 months, and hot and cold behavior, it is unclear to me. And ya, I am thinking I may be ready to put myself out there.

It's really scary to me, and I may, like Cali, need that experience to help me know if I am really ready or not.

And YES, I don't feel like I am holding on to those strings, I feel like they are holding on to me.