Ahhhh, I see. I believe I have be doing that. I was assuming that with the PMA practice the negatives in life do touch you. Like a rain coat or deflector shield. Now I see it just as a attitude and a vantage point. Thanks Azzork.
I make an effort to say "Good Morning" when I first see my wife in the morning and knock on her door, walk into her room and say "Good Night". I do not say much more unless she feels like talking. She typically does not talk to me unless she has something specific to say or inquire about.
Is saying good morning and good night "crowding" her?
She never complains about it and we say these salutations to the children.
Is it okay to say it to her knowing she would make no effort to say them to me?
Good morning when you see her is polite. Knocking on her door to tell her good night is pursuit IMHO. She may not feel this way, but give her a chance to miss your coming to say good night at least.
If she is not initiating, then you just be polite and mildly friendly. she will be reacting even if she doesn't complain. All those little incidents that aren't really what she wants but not a big enough deal to say something about eventually add up and not in the mutatio wins column.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
It makes sense, if she enters the kitchen in the morning and I am already there Good Morning is fine.
Entering her room at night just to say Good Night is a polite form of pursuit.
You people are my barometer and compass, I am not fully acting, there is still some reacting and second guessing on my actions. Oh well, a new day is here with new opportunities.
You are doing great Mutatio. It is exhausting, though, isn't it, always second guessing yourself. Better than giving in to your emotions and just collapsing though. And it gets easier.
My H is still in the bedroom and I don't say good night unless we are going to bed at the same time. Usually he stays up really late and then comes in around midnight and sleeps on the floor. Then he leaves for work at 5 am so unless he is home for the day there is no "good morning" either. Although I am awake, but I pretend to be asleep. I'd rather not start my day pursuing.
photoka, the second guessing was paralyzing. It is a stumbling block now and will hopefully be nonexistent in the future. My wife's withdrawing is making it much easier to get my emotions stabilized. I do not worry about ever becoming that emotionally constipated again. I am sure sadness will come and go on this journey, not like in the beginning.
As I evolve with a PMA and GAL I desire to remain married to my wife. At least once I've felt do your best and what ever happens happens. I'm not going to make myself sick over this.
My question is this, is this a normal feeling? Is this a detachment indicator? What does it mean besides the obvious?
You are receiving great support from other LBS's who know what you are experiencing. I am (or was) from the other side of the fence, as they say. I was a wayward wife. My M was saved and I have hung around the board to give whatever help I can. Mostly, I try to give a little insight about the mindset of a WW.
I don't know if you have the links yet, but if you are interested in my threads about helping a newcomer LBH with a WW, here is the first one.
