Looking back it's been a long and thoroughly enlightening sometimes frustrating road and I feel I've come so far plus have a long way to go, but I'm not scared.
What's rather amazing to me now is that at one point I nearly stopped visiting this BB because my sitch was different. If you are thinking similarly or are not yet convinced you will be helped, give it a few more days and you'll be so glad you stuck around.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
It's going to be an often visited resource for me as there's a ton of nuggets to help with this tricky subject.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
There isn't much straight thinking going on when you first join, meaning no matter how much you guys try there will be things that get overlooked or missed as a recently BD'd mind is fried, it's nothing personal.
There's so much to get your head around, there is a tendency for newbies to gravitate towards things they think might be an instant fix. Detachment is a medium to advanced mindset, even though once you start to understand it, you realise it's one of the most important keys in the whole process.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I was talking with my grown up D on the phone today and she asked what I'd been up to and I gave her a flavour of how full my life is now (new friends, activities...) and she said "you see, I always said you'd be fine where as she (my W) has just moved to someone else and is still the same person." Boy did that make me smile and feel good!
She knows nothing about DB activity and I intend to keep it that way, so didn't say anything in response and changed the subject but it made me even more committed to this process and realise that maybe I'm getting it right.
Does that sound arrogant or self-righteous?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Good for you! I wonder why people pass it by without reading those links?
Yea - me too.
Because we want the fast answer to save our M and get us out of this hell. We think someone else is going to give it to us after knowing our story, not find it ourselves by reading something (unless its a very similar story that ends in success and we can try to mimic it).
Originally Posted By: Beagley
There isn't much straight thinking going on when you first join, meaning no matter how much you guys try there will be things that get overlooked or missed as a recently BD'd mind is fried, it's nothing personal.
There's so much to get your head around, there is a tendency for newbies to gravitate towards things they think might be an instant fix. Detachment is a medium to advanced mindset, even though once you start to understand it, you realise it's one of the most important keys in the whole process.
^^
Originally Posted By: Beagley
Boy did that make me smile and feel good!
Its always nice to hear someone else say something that makes this process seem like its working. Much easier if you value the comments about how well you are doing and not those that involve W. What shes doing will change and sometimes it may appear she really is doing great(at least to others who aren't that close)
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Thank you for dropping by Fogg, your words of encouragement are thoroughly appreciated.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
It doesn't sound arrogant & self-righteous. What would be is gloating over your W's failure. But you are focused on you and your journey. It's good to acknowledge one's growth and accomplishments.
It also helps when people see the change and let you know that it stands out, and that they are impressed & happy for you both feels great & is important to healing. That it was one of your children showing you love this way, just makes it extra special.
Let yourself enjoy the moment.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Thank you asitis, those are very empowering words.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
