Moving Through It

[HeavyD]

Jeez -

I know it is not helping, almost comical in a way?

I get it philosophically, I really really do. Emotionally, it is the black hole.

But what's the point of what if's? Off to spin class tonight girl. First time and I am stoked about it.

[HeavyD]

Spin Class was fun last night - first time. Trying to keep my GAL going. I must admit it is a little hard.

Today I have lunch lined up with a friend and a diner lined up with another friend.

Tomorrow is pick up kids day so that craziness (fun way) will start.

Life continues onward

[HeavyD]

Talked to L today.

W lawyer is pushing to have stipulations on what we agree to memorialized. L will have to me by end of week.

It's moving forward - no choice but to.

Communication with W is non existant at this point except kid stuff.

I just have the cold feeling in the pit of my stomach. Kind of like the feeling you might have when you discover someone wants to off the face of the planet. Oh well, I am not going anywhere.

Lemonaid anyone?

[CaliGuy]

Hang in there Heavy .... its brutal.

Thing is you have done all you can do, and I have a feeling you will continue once the new sting of all this levels off. As I have said before .. your W may very well need these papers in hand in order to get to where she needs to be. Currently her happiness has some roadblocks and in her mind she has to get past them ... once there she may soon discover she is on the wrong road to happiness, no one can do this for her, no one can point it out ... this has to be her own private discovery. All that being said ... do not let this define you, You are the prize regardless of what she does ... know that, own that, be the best Heavy the world could ever know and the rest will fall into place for you.

[HeavyD]

A new wrinkle

So my W and I work together. We don't see each other becuase it is a large place and different buildings. She met her AP through a software trainer that came to our company.
Now it appears that my office may be using this software for part of what we do.

My W wanted me to come sit in on a meeting this morning that discusses and reviews this software. I declined and now I am glad I did. All the dots are now connected.

This just gets better and better folks!

Thanks Cali - I will remember that I AM THE PRIZE no matter what.

[HeavyD]

What this means is that I may have to be "trained" on the software by the AP. That is too much for me to stomach.

I am trying to move forward, claw myself to a better place emotionally and I feel like I keep getting dragged back into something I want NO PART OF.

I might just have to skip the training or delegate to another person.

[CaliGuy]

Heavy

Ugh ... yeah that is a serious gut-punch. I could not imagine ... even now OM being within close range ... let alone in a work environment. Though I often fantasized about it

I have little to offer in forms of advice, just vent talk here I am sure things will work themselves out.

[HeavyD]

You know what?

I'm not fighting anymore. I won't drag this out, I will go into the night willingly.

I know there is a better future for me and my kids out there. I will be patient and continue to work on acceptance, and forgiveness of all involved.

I made plenty of mistakes, all of which contributed to the demise of my marriage but hopefully, I can learn from this experience and grow stronger as a woman and human.

I will not fear this any longer. I take 100% control of me.

Let's see what I can make the next chapter of my life become. I see the future now and I can feel the sun on my skin. I am ready.

[25yearsmlc]

You know what?

I'm not fighting anymore. I won't drag this out, I will go into the night willingly.

There's a difference between "not fighting" and giving up. You can step aside and release her to her mission", but still Not burn bridges.

Valeska and Inshock are both are both women DBers who were in your shoes, one with a child and one without.

You may be able to find their threads and I know Valeska is still around. They were/are wise women.

I'm straight, so maybe my read on this is off. Though I have a gay daughter in a long term R, that hardly makes me an expert.

My gut says there's a bit of a difference with gay women couples, and straight. Seems to me there's a lot more emotional attraction factors, and fewer purely physical.

So maybe the stereotypical straying h, who "wants more sexual variety(!)" is not applicable. (Not saying all WAH's are only searching for that, but some are).

OTOH, your choices are similar to other LBS's. You can beg & Plead, or you can step aside, or you can "fight" it, which I do not think works OR is in alignment with DB principles.

Cadet posted a long reply by MWD on this topic, but people confuse the "tough love" approach preached by Dobson, with a much softer yet firm approach herein.
(Dobson may be right, but this is a Div Busting site, not his).


I know there is a better future for me and my kids out there. I will be patient and continue to work on acceptance, and forgiveness of all involved.


THIS^^ is Crucial to any & all long term, happy marriages.


I made plenty of mistakes, all of which contributed to the demise of my marriage but hopefully, I can learn from this experience and grow stronger as a woman and human.

I will not fear this any longer. I take 100% control of me.

Let's see what I can make the next chapter of my life become. I see the future now and I can feel the sun on my skin. I am ready.

Well done!

[Wonka]

Heavy,

25 has said it all beautifully for many of us in the peanut gallery.

You have conducted yourself with integrity in the face of some really tough, nasty, and painful stuff. There is nothing to hang your head about at all throughout your DB journey.

Cali has a very good point about letting W go and allow her to learn her own lessons. We all learn that happiness comes from within...not something to be achieved by external means. We are several steps ahead of the WAS in this regard.

No shame at all.