Still Looking Inside

[mleigh4]

Well, I guess I handled the backpack fiasco well, but H did not. Once he went back home for the backpack and took it to S school, he was also supposed to put the IPad in, H did not. When he realized it, he let me know and and said he would bring it home to S that night.

7:30 rolls around and H TM me that he just got home because of his late start to work, he was tired and starving and can he bring the IPad tomorrow. I said sure, but YOU let S know. So H called and talked to S, gave in and said he would eat then bring it by.

What followed next was an hour of angry spew TM messages. It was all my fault...I spoil S and encourage his IPad addiction...I do everything for S and he will grow up to be like the lazy young generation that works for him....his job is very important and he doesn't have time for this....S should have picked up his backpack 2 feet off the ground so it's his fault too....I should read about how spoiled kids are today...I coddle S....how dare I have a felon sleep in a house he still owns....

He was all over the place. I stayed calm and shot a few truth darts his way. One of them being that I didn't care about the IPad, just that he should follow through on what he says he will do, or tell him yourself that you can't.

I also let him know that his put downs of coddled children was coming from a man who has mommy and daddy cater to his every need and who can't deal with real life. I assured and promised him that S would be just fine and will work for everything he gets, just as we had done.

I also went over exactly what went down with friend who stayed over, which I was really relieved finally got addressed. I told H I was only trying to be a friend, he slept in spare room, me in mine, he was gone when I woke. I agreed it was not very smart. H replied the he still slept with you, RIGHT!!?? I replied, no one has touched or slept with me in 2 years including my husband.

After a few more spews from him, I ended by saying I was done with this conversation, that life is good, S and I are thriving, that we are happy and enjoying life and that I was not allowing anymore BS into our lives. I said my expectations were pretty high for S and I and to have a good night.

He seemed to finally calm down and eventually brought the stupid IPad home.

[mleigh4]

Job, where are you??

[kml]

Sounds like drunk texting to me - did you notice anything on his breath when he stopped by to drop it off?

[CaliGuy]

wow M

I would guess all that pressure finally snapped that frayed rubberband. I did enjoy the truth darts ... let those sink in a bit.

As far as the iPad ... yeah my W is all over that with S too. She wants him off the thing, seems to think he is also adicted to it, I find it hilarious that when I have him reading or doing something else .. legos, whatever ... she swoops up that iPad and is all over it. The phrase my Father told me ... "Set the example do not be the example" rings in my head.

I think you did well... stood firm and strong not taking any of H's chit. This stuff is fun huh??

[mleigh4]

Hi KML, I never got close enough to H to smell his breath. He is not much of a drinker but drugs have crossed my mind many times. One of his hang out buddies is pretty addicted and I know H was pretty into them himself when he was younger....but I don't know....his job means so much to him, I don't think he would jeopardize that. I think he just had a really bad day and took it out on me!

Hi Cali. It felt GREAT to say some of those things that have been swarming my mind for months. I did a horrible job of STFU and validate...however he was attacking my parenting and my sexual morals so I felt the need to stand up for myself as I have done one hell of a good job in both of those departments. If he was spewing about our marriage, I would listen.

H is so addicted to his phone and IPad, it's a complete joke for him to give S such a bad time. And does he really think S only gives HIM a bad time when he has to do something?? S gives me the same whiny crap, but I handle it, not blame it on H. S is being a kid. I like that phrase Cali, I will remember it.

When H first TM me last night, the phone was still next to S. S started reading the massage out loud. "Thanks for the support and back up....." so I said stop, sounds like a message to me. So I got phone and S asked, is daddy teasing me because I forgot the backpack? (I load up his backpack and my lunch box every day in the truck before we leave, he just isn't used to having to do that) I said no honey, it's fine, that was just an accident, you didn't do anything wrong. I said....daddy is just....and I stopped to think of what to say, and S says "crazy?" I just laughed and said no, just having a bad day.

[LoisB]

I think you handled it fine. Sometimes you need to defend yourself and set the record straight. ;-) maybe he needed to see you are not the same woman you were a few years back and won't just sit and take his b.s.

[job]

You handled the situation very well. There are going to be times when you have to shoot those truth darts off and this is one of those times. He was angry w/himself because he didn't put the IPad in the backpack. He can't look himself in the mirror and come to the conclusion that he has to be at fault for some of the things in his life, i.e., it has to be someone else that is making his life miserable.

As for clearing the air about your house guest. He finally knows the truth and hopefully your addressing the issue will put that one issue to rest.

He now knows that you aren't going to be a pushover and will no longer accept BS from anyone. You've grown by leaps and bounds and he's going to have a lot to think about for a while about the conversation. He needed to be put on notice and you did it well. Don't think twice about it.

[mleigh4]

Hi Job and thank you. Word for word exactly what I was thinking and how I feel. With your experience and your neutral perception, it truly helps me so thank you. I needed to hear from you.

Thing is, I have my head held high, I have truly done my very best, with my home, my son and myself, while keeping my side of the street clean. It feels like a huge accomplishment and it keeps me strong and going.

I love my H very much and will always be here for him, but not as his doormat or punching bag.

[mleigh4]

This morning I took S to school and who did I see dropping off his kids? The homebuyer I mentioned a few posts ago that has gotten my attention. I saw him, but he did not see me.

Oh Manny Manny man. Our paths will cross again for sure and I am looking forward to seeing if he will even notice or not. What is happening with me? What is with this?

Took dog for a long walk and missing my peanut tonight, he is with dad. Decided to go on my Facebook. I never do, I am always scared that I will be tempted to look at H or run across some post...so I unfriended him. Felt good! Now I can keep in touch with friends and not worry about it, don't know why I didn't do this a long time ago.

[BrightFuture]

Mleigh4, good job on handling the situation. I would give a lot for the opportunity to throw the truth darts, LOL. You sound so good these days. On the other side, your H is not a happy camper. What do ya know!