This is exhausting part 4

[Kembo05]

Old threads

#3 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2590648&page=1

#2 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2577388&page=1

#1 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2569546#Post2569546

I am curious to get some thoughts/opinions on my situation. The father of the kid my W was having an A with called me this weekend and he was very upset and regretful about the situation and he was embarrassed for his son's action. He told me some information that led me to believe my W is making terrible decisions (obviously). I still want our marriage to work, but my concern is just for my W as a person. I don't know what to do with the information this guy gave me, but I worry my wife is on a path that will jeopardize her career and it will definitely jeopardize her reputation. I am wondering if I should try and talk with her parents? I have kind of ruled out talking to her because I am pretty sure she won't hear or care about what I am saying. I am the enemy to her.

Again, I don't want to tell them this stuff in hopes it saves our marriage. Even if I knew there was no chance the marriage could work out I would still be worried about my W just as a person. Thoughts? Should I say something to her parents or should I just go about my own business?

[ILYNOT]

1st what type of information are you talking about the guy gave you?

[WhyUs]

Maybe you need to let this play out on its own. Sometimes traumatic events bring them out of the fog. Just a thought, if it is not life threatening. Otherwise you will just be the enemy in her eyes. People will do what they want. Telling her family won't stop her. She is an adult and I am sure she is aware of the risks she is taking.

[Kembo05]

ILYNOT: she is apparently talking to someone who could jeopardize her career if her managers found out.

Whyus: I think you are right, it just saddens me to see someone I care about so much make such terrible decisions. It like watching a train wreck and not being able to do anything about it

[WhyUs]

Sometimes a train has to wreck before the tracks get fixed.

[Kembo05]

Need some thoughts/opinions. So my wife and I are legally separated and she is full steam ahead with D, which is fine I am kind of at terms with it. I would be willing to work on our marriage but she would have to show me a lot before I could trust her again.

So this whole time she has emphasized this has been about us and it hasn't been about the 20 year old kid she has had an emotional affair with. I refused to believe that but I couldn't force that issue. So I found out this past weekend that she actually slept with this kid, in my house, in the spare bedroom next to my D2's room while I was out of town. I'm not real shocked by this, more shocked that she would have the audacity to do it while our D2 was sleeping right next to that room. I am also shocked at the timing of this. They slept together about a year ago and it wasn't until December that she brought anything up about being unhappy (I guess it took that long for her and her counselor to brainwash her into thinking she was unhappy because of me)

So I will see wife Wednesday and I want to tell her I know about this. I don't want to yell or be rude or shove it in her face, I just simply want to tell her that I know the truth now and that I hope she can get to the point where she finds true healing and that she can admit that this was never about her and me, it's always been about her and this OM. I don't have any specific intentions, and I know I can be calm about it. I just simply want her to know that I know the truth.

She has done so much to cover this lie and I'm tired of her being able to live with this covered up. So I want her to have to look me in the face while I tell her I know what she did.

Thoughts?

[NDY]

Hi Kem

Not a vet as you know but if I were in this position I'd have to ask myself what good would telling her do?

I'll let those with more experience chip in.

[Azzork]

Kembo -

That's rough. Feel for you.

What do you hope to gain by confronting her?

Honestly, it sounds like you just want to try to make her feel guilty. I don't see how there's any benefit to you for that.


Any vets with more opinions?

[Cadet]

it wasn't until December that she brought anything up about being unhappy
(I guess it took that long for her and her counselor to brainwash her into thinking she was unhappy because of me)

YUP she is UNHAPPY and that IMHO is not your problem.
YOU DID not break her and YOU can not FIX her.

Telling her any of this is a waste of breath and in fact counter productive.

Until she figures it out herself she will continue to chase her tail around and around in circles.

Stop chasing her tail with her.
Get off of that merry-go-round.

[Kembo05]

I don't know, I am still trying to let it all sink in. I don't really want to make her feel guilty and I'm not trying to have a long conversation about it with her. Cadet, I definitely understand what you are saying. I don't know why I want her to know that I know the truth. I think she has done so much to cover up this lie I just want her to know I am aware of what is actually going on. I still have a day before I see her so I know I can make an honest decision about this and not act on emotions

I know it won't change anything. I just want her to know that I know.