The road less travelled....

[PigPen]

I know I am so fearful of being truely myself, but this DBing journey has allowed me to let go of the some of this fear. I feels good to step into my skin and see how it feels. It's not so bad, slightly tight and uncomfortable in some areas, but likely with a bit of time and some wear and tear, it will feel as if I was never without it.

What a beautiful statement about your journey and growth here Jelly. I believe whole heartedly that you will find yourself completely again. Not only that, you will be overjoyed that you did and refuse to be away from her ever again.

DB'ing for a lot of us if re-finding ourselves, or finding ourselves often for the very first time. What a cost that we pay to do so, but there is nothing in our experience on earth more valuable. Self awareness at any price will be worth it at some point.

Congratulations on your growth and self understanding. Your skin is just that, yours. Wear it with equal parts pride and compassion for she who resides in it.

Big hug,

PP

[JellyB]

Oh PP , come over here for a hug, what a lovely post! Makes me feel all warm and fuzzie. I meant to pop by your thread and wish you congrats on your 200 days.

You are so inspirational. Thank you for comments and care.

XXXJellyb

[JellyB]

Hi Lady V

I would say that deferral is a natual response for me when I am in relationship. The Co-dependent behaviour of meeting all of my mans needs and shelving my own is pretty automated.

But NO MORE!

Money will be tight related to it, but I am going to suck that up a bit. I can't afford to have the surgery here in NZ so Malayasisa is looking like the most afforable place. It will cut the cost in half.

[JellyB]

Some days I just feel very blessed about where I am in this journey. I am lucky to be in a resting place. A place of reflection and peace. For an anxious person, this feeling is well priceless.

Sometime ago Zelda and I had a conversation about what true happiness was. I felt and still do believe happiness is unobtainable ( in the way I wanted it anyway- which the little addict in me craved to have the experience 24/7 lol)

Well I told Zelda that my goal was to have more peace in my life. I am beginning to believe that peace and contentment are far more satisfying gaols to achieve in my life, than a fleeting experience of happiness.

So to you all may you find your peace and contentment today and the days that follow.


Love JellyB xxx

[u-turn]

Hi Jelly -
I hope you are doing well.

I think there has to be downs to really feel and appreciate the ups. To expect happiness 24/7 really just sets up being numb to happiness, taking that happiness for granted - could there be too much of a good thing?. Maybe true happiness is fleeting but these unhappy times may make us look back at good times fondly and make us strive for it again.

There will always be unhappy times - it's just life, but to keep peace in those times seems to be a great goal.

Working toward that peace and contentment - I hope you are too.

[PigPen]

Hi Jelly,

A place of reflection and peace sounds magical. Enjoy the time here and really soak it up. That same feeling can be taken with you wherever you go.

I firmly believe that if you make a nice home out of peace and contentment, then happiness is far more likely to want to stay and settle down with you. It may have to leave from time to time, but that's ok, you still get to live what's left - peace and contentment.

Find the quiet within you, it's there. It's often scary for us, but if you befriend it and make it your own, this whole journey will be worth it.

Keep doing the work you're doing, it's paying off.

Big hug,

PP

[JellyB]

Thanks for popping by lovely U.

It has taken this sad event with ex to make me realise that my anxiety was never a sign of unhappiness, but rather a sign that there was healing to be done. I now realise that I can experience the anxiety and still have peace and happiness, if I so choose.

To have this insight now, leaves me with a touch of sadness about the loss of ex, but resolute about the fact that I will not let get in the way of a solid, satisfying and loving relationship in the future. I am trying not to regret this man and his place in my life. I will take these gifts it has brought, the sense of being loved that I had never experienced before and I will now move forward.

My anxiety is fully engaged at present, I am not quite sure what has triggered it, i think it is frustration at not being able to find the new housing situation that I want and dating well, I knew it would trigger me like it has. There has a been some unpacking of thoughts and emotions. I know that the anxiety attached to both issues would be easily resolved if I just packed myself up into my little introverts cave and made no move to make change. I am rationally and mindfully staying as present as I can so as not to disengage and run away.

My weight is slowing climbing and motivation for exercise and eating well is elusive this is a sure sign that the anxiety is taking hold. Tomorrow is a new day and I can begin anew, my commitment to myself and my goals. There is fitness to regain and weight to be lost and esteem and self worth to be built. Sitting in the dark alone will not change this state of affairs.

Please don't think that I am overwhelmed by the above, I am not, I am just consciously feeling my way through it for the first time in my life. And attempting to do so without judgement, but instead with observation and interest.

Again U thanks for popping by, you gave me a reason to put these thoughts and feelings down.

xxxJellyb

[JellyB]

Hi PP,

Thank you for you kind words and wisdom. It leaves me humbled that you stopped by.

This place is very unfamiliar and as you say scary. Anxiety and drama addiction, has made for a busy mind and racing heart. But I hope that amidst that new quiet and peace I may well be able to hear my own voice, my own hearts desires. I feel that for most of my life my voice has been so quietened, by the overpowering voices of others, their needs their wants. Why have I not wanted to hear my own.

So I will "befriend" it as you say and we will see what common ground there is to had.

Again thank you the blessing of you visit

JellybXXX

[u-turn]

Hi Jelly - I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling anxious about your situation, but it makes me happy to hear that you are taking this anxiety head on. I think that I understand this as I tend to recoil way back into my comfort zone when challenged emotionally - and it gets me nowhere. Your mindfulness will serve you well.

For some reason, I have never been very good at determining what I am feeling or describe it, and therefor never really been able to address and handle it in productive ways. I do know that I pace A LOT - almost seemed uncontrollably at times for me - when I feel anxious and overwhelmed.

I hope you find the strength and motivation to get out there and start making yourself feel better - you can do it.

Take care Jelly

[Vanilla]

That inner voice distinguish it from the critics in your head. The voices which drown it are they from friends, relatives bosses, or are they from the superego critics?

The chipmunks who persuade us of who we are and how terrible we are with others voices but our concerns.


V