Still Looking Inside

[2BHappy]

M4
So glad to hear you all had a great vacation together.

I love the fact that you mention rebuilding your friendship with your H, that is great! Rather you rebuild your M or not, because you have a child together and have a history it is best to be friends, and who knows what that friendship could lead to.

Yes you love your H, otherwise you would not be "standing".

I always remind myself that I love my H, but I love myself more and I deserve that type of R/M that I'm willing to give back to him or someone else.

Its great to be able to really let the hurt and pain go...it only holds us back.

[mleigh4]

Hi 2B. Thought of you on my cruise, I know you like cruising too. I really feel like you guys are my friends here, if only we were all closer to be able to meet up!

So true about loving our H, but needing more to be happy in R and M. I suppose we should keep in mind they are in crisis and not really at their best right now. So of course, there is not a real desire to be with them as they are today.

I envy the people here who have their spouses coming out of the fog and expressing their confusion and regrets. Some are even getting apologies. Maybe hearing that would make us feel better? Not sure but I think we both have come a long way.

I need to catch up on your posts, but I have noticed efforts by your H. Hang in there, he may just come out better than you had hoped. At least I hope so

[CaliGuy]

M

So good to hear where you are, and the fact you did not allow the time together to pull you off course .. you are seriously so strong and put together it irks me sometimes :P

Your H is seriously a different duck in all this, but you are handling things by the book .... its impossible to really post or give you much advice because of that.

The 'friend' spouting off about you and he hooking up .. .ugh .. what a tool. Guys ... I say we should just kill em all ... oh ... wait ... nevermind.

Sounding good as always M ... and yeah .. we need a DB meet-up somewhere sometime ... I have booze and an onrey monkey I want to let loose on a few vets

[mleigh4]

Thank you Cali, you have been a huge help on my path in so many ways

It's a huge compliment to hear I am strong and put together. (Sorry to annoy you! :P ) I have grown up thinking I am a mess of a person, mainly due to my parents and upbringing. My mother, now THAT is a mess and in a way, she has helped me to avoid being who she is.

My husband has humbled me in a huge way, that is a gift in all of this. I was forced to take a good look at myself and realized I wasn't really impressed with what I was seeing. Thing is, you don't have to be like the parents you came from, we have the power to be different.

I get so much of my strength from you all here. Thank you!

((((Hugs))))

[mleigh4]

Question.....my birthday is tomorrow. Yay for me! Love birthdays! Anyway, I of course have no expectations from H. I have my son, we declared a lazy weekend, I bought myself some beautiful flowers and ribs to bbq for myself

So I got surprised today by H. He texted asking if I had birthday plans. I told him my only plan is to read and nap. (Ya, I'm getting old!) So he replied if I want,he would take us to dinner at my fav restaurant or make dinner. He added if not, ok, but to let him know if that sounds good. I answered that it sounds great, prefer dinner in.

I know, I should be jumping up and down, right? Thing is, last year he offered to take us to fav restaurant which I happily accepted. First, he called me that day to tell me about how horrible his day was and how tired he was, then asked what time he should make reservations. When he got home, he asked to take a nap before going. Then all through dinner, he complained about how tired he was. He went straight to bed when we got home. It was awful. I actually felt guilty for having a birthday......

H tends to do things because he "should" I am worried this is the same. I honestly am good getting absolutely nothing from him, wasn't expecting anything. Should I worry this is a fake attempt to do "the right thing" or should I just go with it?

When he texts me tomorrow, I was thinking of letting him know not to feel obligated to do anything, but don't want to make him feel unwelcome either.

Any advice?

[mleigh4]

I should add, his dad sent me flowers today. Very sweet! I heard from H about an hour after. I wouldn't be surprised if dad reminded H and he reacted out of guilt! IDK, maybe just scarred from last year.

[mleigh4]

It's been 1/2 hour, where are you guys?? Lol

So H just TM: what do you feel like having?

Me: I truly appreciate your offer, I really do. Please don't feel obligated to do something just because it is my birthday. Really, I don't expect anything, was just planning on enjoying the weekend with my little guy

H: I'm not obligated to do it...I will BBQ if you want...or if you would rather just chill with the koo koo monkey that's ok too...up to you.

I am going to sit on that. I am torn, not really sure if I even want him around on my bday. Hmmmm, not sure what I am feeling.....

[LoisB]

You've spent a lot of time together with the cruise. If you need a time out, take it.

Maybe it would be a good thing to step back, get some perspective... Or, wait til after the b'day. It's nice of him, regardless of his motives... Which he may not understand himself.

[BrightFuture]

If you think he feels obligated, it is his problem. You told him that you don’t expect anything. It looks like he truly wants to do it for you. I would accept and enjoy. I would give a couple of options on what you might want for dinner. Just my .02 cents.

[BrightFuture]

Agree with Heather too...