Ok ... so the "he is not my BF" comment ... yeah .. truth dart her on that. Thing is she will make a stink that the kids are starting to wonder who the OM is ... not your circus not your monkeys on this one, tell W you are not going to lie and cover, (Her actions have consequences) if asked you will do the best as a parent you can do given the situation. Its tough with the kids and YOU have to figure out what the best age appropriate message will be ..... but I can almost bet the farm your W is lying to them and that will serve to wreck the R between her and the kids as it did mine (Something she is currently working HRD to fix)
I had the same issue ....Truth dart her.... "He is not my BF" my reply .. "OH? what shall I call a guy you are sleeping with then? Because last I knew 'friends don't %^#$" It seriously chapped me she exposed our S to OM ... still does and the A has been over for a bit and we are actually working through the garbage from it all.
As far as her noticing your GAL and mentioning how she is irked she is not a part of that ... yup. Not the life you asked for , she fired you ... you can validate there and slip in a "I would do alot of things differently" but just continue to live the life you have been given at this point.
Well she later told me when we were talking alone that he is not her boyfriend and she isn't dating anyone. I asked her "what should I call him then" she then said, He is nothing. I had to hold back a chuckle as this nothing has caused so much chit in our lives.
Evidently, she talked to the kids and told them he will not be there anymore. Whatever.
As far as the GAL goes....I didnt take it as she wanted to be a part of it. More like, somebody else is gonna get the better man that she wanted.
I got this.....i know it. She is on her own with her own chit. I got things to do for me and the kids.
T14 M5 SD15,D8,S6,D3 "Not Happy" 12/11/14 EA discovered 2/11/15 MC started 2/17/15 MC "put on hold" 4/3/15 W IC started 4/5/15 PA admitted 5/7/15 WW moves out 5/8/15 WW gets her own place 7/15/15
It sounds like you need to pull back a little bit. There is no need to be having these conversations with her. She see's that she has you anytime she wants you. She is flat out lying to you right now. My wife did the same thing. He is not my boyfriend bla bla bla. Then what the heck do you call the guy you are talking about having sex with. I found out the hard way that these discussion do no good. It doesn't matter what you call him, he is the OM and he is a problem.
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
Yeah, I always seem to fall into these R conversations with her every few weeks or so. I should just STFU and validate but she spews so much garbage. I know I need to back off and detatch but it is hard with 4 kids and for the most part, everyday contact.
I don't talk to her a lot, other than a text here and there, always initiated by her. I try to be cordial and nice but to the point. In our MR, She would rarely talk about her feelings and those would always be short conversations. When we talk now, rare as it is, we really talk for a good amount of time.
I don't like what comes out of her sometimes but she is conveying emotion.
I know she doesn't feel like she has lost me. I know she knows that I miss her even though I don't tell her. She says she is in a different place than me and that she is broken inside and feels like she doesn't deserve to have anything.
Reading the stuff that Sandi has posted, She won't turn it around until she fears or actually does, lose me. Cali says that things turned around for him after he decided he was done.
WW told me the other day that she gets indifferent when I don't respond to her and thinks about letting me fade away.
I know not to believe what she says and she is probably just trying to make me respond more often. Maybe that is the risk I gotta take. If she lets me fade away in her heart,,,so be it.?
T14 M5 SD15,D8,S6,D3 "Not Happy" 12/11/14 EA discovered 2/11/15 MC started 2/17/15 MC "put on hold" 4/3/15 W IC started 4/5/15 PA admitted 5/7/15 WW moves out 5/8/15 WW gets her own place 7/15/15
Things did turn for me when I dropped the rope, sure there was a flicker of "I really wish I could save my M" but it got to the point I was exhausted in doing so and realized I was more important ... me.
So yeah I accepted the D was going to happen and was preparing for my next chapter whatever that would be .. I was moving on .. then W tossed the anti BD, but at this point I was not sold ... and I now had conditions that needed to be met ... she proved she was now all in and has done so consistently to this point.
My point is just 'acting as if' you are done does not work, you get to a place where you are doing the best you can with the situation, then you actually start doing well there. Its more about the mirror work .... If I had to try to describe it ... you know that glow a pregnant woman has, there is just something about her and she shines, then you discover she is pregnant and it makes sense ... for the LBH I think its similar when he gets his confidence and self worth back .. thats when you will see change in peoples situations. The new LBH will not get pulled in as fast to the BS the WAW tosses his way .... then she starts to think about all she has done ... took my W 4 months of that .. then another 3-4 to actually prove to me she would work at it.
It sounds like you need to pull back a little bit. There is no need to be having these conversations with her. She see's that she has you anytime she wants you. She is flat out lying to you right now. My wife did the same thing. He is not my boyfriend bla bla bla. Then what the heck do you call the guy you are talking about having sex with. I found out the hard way that these discussion do no good. It doesn't matter what you call him, he is the OM and he is a problem.
The OM is never the problem ... a POS/ rash .. sure .. not the root cause of the true problem ... if your M was strong and good there never would be an OM right?
Once you arrive to the place where you realize the OM is purely the band-aide for the cancer of hurt/pain the M had/has ... and there is nothing you can do about it the better you will be. The A will run its course, but if you do not become the better option .... no chance the WW will even look in your direction.
You are the Alpha ... do not allow any OM to make you feel nor act otherwise.
That stuff is golden. I will do my best to heed your words. Us newbies need you guys (vets) to smack us upside the head. I think we (newbies) still wanna hang on in denial sometimes. We think about how a few months agi everything seemed fine.....of course we were blind and were taking them for granted but now I go through moments of " Did she really do this to us?" And everything is surreal.
I have more and more strong days now though.
T14 M5 SD15,D8,S6,D3 "Not Happy" 12/11/14 EA discovered 2/11/15 MC started 2/17/15 MC "put on hold" 4/3/15 W IC started 4/5/15 PA admitted 5/7/15 WW moves out 5/8/15 WW gets her own place 7/15/15
First of all, I apologize for pretty much every post being a venting session about my WW. I know that I need to be more constructive but venting on the forum makes me feel better.
I got a text from my SD15 a little bit ago saying that WW has a Doctors appointment at 1:30 and is then going into work right after. She is leaving the kids at home alone with sd15 again from 1:00 until I get home around 5:30.
My sd15 is upset. I called my WW and told her that we had an agreement that the young kids cannot be alone with sd15 for more than an hour. She said that she knew that but could't find a babysitter and has no choice. She said that even though she normally works at 6, they asked her to come in at 3. I told her that we agreed that she wouldn't be taking any shifts without making sure the kids were taken care of first. She asked me what I expect her to do. I said, I expect you to put the kids first and tell them you cannot be in at 3! She hung up on me.
This chit is getting out of hand. So now I am gonna leave work early to go home and take care of my kids so she can go do whatever, again.
Any advice?
T14 M5 SD15,D8,S6,D3 "Not Happy" 12/11/14 EA discovered 2/11/15 MC started 2/17/15 MC "put on hold" 4/3/15 W IC started 4/5/15 PA admitted 5/7/15 WW moves out 5/8/15 WW gets her own place 7/15/15
I feel like crying my eyes out over how selfish and wrong she is. Those kids deserve better. Im so down right now. I just wish she would do right by our kids. They don't deserve this.
T14 M5 SD15,D8,S6,D3 "Not Happy" 12/11/14 EA discovered 2/11/15 MC started 2/17/15 MC "put on hold" 4/3/15 W IC started 4/5/15 PA admitted 5/7/15 WW moves out 5/8/15 WW gets her own place 7/15/15
The level of selfishness the WW often shows is beyond irritating. Thing is .. just like all things, you can not control her nor what she does. She is creating this right? All you can do .. is just what you are doing, being the best father you can be, be the rock. You gave her a serious truth dart with the "I expect you to put the kids first" line .. let that soak, marinate ... what is done is done, do not let it mess you up here.
Turn this into a positive, go home ... grab the kids and do something spontaneous and fun .. grab a ball go to the park .. whatever ... make a memory in spite of her behavior.
