getting ready for bed and realized it's been a long time since I stopped by your world. But believe me, I read your thread every day. Each person on here has their own "specialty" if you will - one thing that stands out above all else is your PMA.
Each of us has the ability to be the lighthouse for each other.
You seem to attract the most well wishes and support around here, and it's because of the genuinely good person you are to everyone on here going through a similar hell as you. Just know that your PMA has been a model for me in developing my own.
1. Another “crazy-busy” day at work. It’s ok, I am blessed with a job and it keeps my mind off my sitch (some).. 2. I logged into our board for about 20 minutes (short time ago) but had to log off. 3. Our next court date (Pre-Trial) was supposed to be Friday 7/31. I let my L know a few days ago I can’t make it – mandatory training at work. 4. Just after I logged off, my L indicated that my W can’t make it Friday 7/31 either. Hmmm…. 5. The earliest our new Pre-Trial date will be is Friday 8/21. Both Ls will be in court Monday to set a new date with the judge. 6. I feel like I’ve been given the “gift of time” again. I am very happy about it. 7. I love all of you on this board!
This is a fantastic outlook, Bob. You have been given the gift of time and you've done so well with that gift. I hope the weekend treats you well and thanks for all the support you provide us!
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Eirinn, Fogg, WBM, u-turn, PigPen, Ralphy and Defacto, I just read every one of your posts since I logged in 2 nights ago. I usually try to reply individually but don’t have time now. Thank you all for your super-kind sentiments, thoughts, prayers, etc. I have to admit Ralphy’s post almost made me cry.
Journaling:
1. I was not online at all yesterday. I had a 10+ hour work day and did not feel well when I got home. 2. I have a new supervisor after 13 years. (This happened a few weeks ago, I keep forgetting to mention it.) Our old supervisor got promoted and he understood what I am going through,. He has been through 4 (yes 4) divorces. Our new boss has been married almost 30 years with 4 very smart children. He does not “get it” and this is adding pressure to me. I don’t expect him, too. You have to go through it to realize how “gut-wrenching” it is. 3. I am “on loan” to another team at work because they are SO behind in their work, and “we love Bob” That made me feel so good 4. I have not heard from my W since I texted her 3 days ago…the one V helped refine and Wonka added a few more edits. 5. I am trying to remember to “Trust the process” and ‘Detach” and “Have no expectations” Boy, do I need patience, too. 6. I have a lot of GAL for this weekend: Tonight, dinner with a Meetup Group, Saturday, going to a Jazz Festival. Sunday, going to a backyard BBQ (although the forecast calls for t-storms Sunday). 7. I am thinking about everyone I have ever communicated with on this board—please keep a PMA! 8. I’m keeping a PMA—things will work out for the best.
You are all the best!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I had a great time with a ton of GAL stuff this weekend . . . maybe too much fun. I went to a Meetup dinner Friday evening and had 3 ladies ask ME for my phone number. I was with a big group of people, and I think they noticed that I was getting most of the attention and making people laugh –which I love to do! The attention felt SO good, I think I let it go to my head. I feel I am average looking at best. I will be 55 in less than 2 weeks. I have lost a lot of hair although I am in very good shape. For those of you who know of the famous hockey player Wayne Gretzky, especially when I had a full head of hair, people thought I looked like his twin. So much so, my nickname for a while was “Gretz.”
Anyway, I got to thinking how this D has been going on now for almost 9 months, with no sign of my W ever changing her mind. You may recall, she never even wants to see me when she comes to town. (Ouch!)
Wonka has mentioned she knows of (many, several?) 11th hour divorces busted. My W and I know a couple who were in court to sign the final papers, and our friend’s wife changed her mind….right in front of the judge. So, knowing that and trying to stay with my PMA and DB principles, I have been hanging in there – for the most part.
I think it was about 1 week ago I felt like “giving up” and PigPen and others stepped up big-time! I changed my mind.
Well…between something I overheard at the dinner (someone who felt he hung on too long during his D), a dream I had and wanting to get my W’s pulse, I sent her a TM Saturday. I should’ve posted it here, I know, but I decided I wanted to set boundaries and give her the impression that I have moved on. In some ways, I’m starting to feel like I have. I sent her the following Saturday afternoon, and no, it was not a drunken TM at all. I gave it a lot of thought. The things I wrote are sadly all true. She treats me like dog poop.
Me” “If you feel like you need emotional closure as our divorce gets closer to being finalized, give me a call sometime. I'm good, I don't need it, but I felt like it was the right thing to do to ask you. If you do call and bring up legal issues, raise your voice or blame me 100% for the breakdown of our marriage I'm hanging up. If you don't feel like you need to speak to me so be it.”
W replied last night. I know, don’t believe anything they say. Here is her reply TM:
W: “I don't need closure, I have it and have for a while. I just want to get this all over so I can move on. Why would I call to blame you, discuss legal issues or anything else? I wish you well. I just am more sure than ever that I have made the right decision. I hope you will be able to find someone who is better suited for you.”
That’s where my life is now. W is still, as far as I know, stopping by on 7/15 to pick up some of her things. Out next court date got moved to the end of August, since neither one of us could make the late July Pre-Trial (we have to be there).
I do not let friends, family, IC etc. influence me re: our M. It’s this board I look to for guidance. But from the time she walked away (2nd time since 2009) until now I hear the same thing, “Bob, how could you EVER trust her again even if you did R?” I think it’s time for me to move forward and never look back.
If you took the time to read all this, thank you. It seems like this back-fired on me. If W is telling the truth, there is no hope of saving what was, for the most part, a loving M and unique family known as “The Brady Bunch.”
Peace to all of you.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob, I have followed your sitch a bit. I know you have commented on my thread a few times. You are a good person Bob and have helped alot of people with your kind words. Also you seem to have had a good weekend. Something really stuck out to me on what you just posted. " She treats me like dog poop". Bob you are a good person. I know this is hard, but if I were you, I would move on. I would not text her at all. No calls, NOTHING. Get on with your life, GAL stuff and meeting new friends. If she treats you like dog poop, she doesn't deserve you. Take time to heal from this. Someone will come along that won't treat you like dog poop one day.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Well…between something I overheard at the dinner (someone who felt he hung on too long during his D), a dream I had and wanting to get my W’s pulse, I sent her a TM Saturday. I should’ve posted it here, I know, but I decided I wanted to set boundaries and give her the impression that I have moved on. In some ways, I’m starting to feel like I have. I sent her the following Saturday afternoon, and no, it was not a drunken TM at all. I gave it a lot of thought. The things I wrote are sadly all true. She treats me like dog poop.
Me” “If you feel like you need emotional closure as our divorce gets closer to being finalized, give me a call sometime. I'm good, I don't need it, but I felt like it was the right thing to do to ask you. If you do call and bring up legal issues, raise your voice or blame me 100% for the breakdown of our marriage I'm hanging up. If you don't feel like you need to speak to me so be it.”
W replied last night. I know, don’t believe anything they say. Here is her reply TM:
W: “I don't need closure, I have it and have for a while. I just want to get this all over so I can move on. Why would I call to blame you, discuss legal issues or anything else? I wish you well. I just am more sure than ever that I have made the right decision. I hope you will be able to find someone who is better suited for you.”
You got antsy and just wanted it to get out there. Were you expecting some type of Notebook reaction from W??
