Cali had what I thought was a perfect response about the so-called loophole in the M contract. I'd suggest that you look it up in either Diff or Heavy's thread here in Newcomers. Golden truth dart by Cali.
Any way, I think it is time for you to pull back and be really less available to H. Don't make your desire to be married to H so blantant and obvious to him. You might want to order some more STFU Smoothies from the factory.
Why don't you fill up your schedule with GAL activities. Schedule some lunch gatherings with your girlfriends. Do something out of the house...even if it is to a book reading at the local bookstore.
I am so sorry. Keep your chin up, this fight isn't over by a long shot.
Smothy ... not up to date on your sitch ... but the truth dart I tossed out that Wonka was refering to concerning the loop-hole went something like this:
We were discussing the sitch, W had told me she did not like me calling the A and A, I was a bit confused and asked what she would call it. Her reply ... as many I have seen here state was along the lines of "Its not an A, we are separated and I am seeing someone" I pointed out the separation was her choice, not mine nor a mutual one, and that argument held little water. She again restated "If you are separated then its not an A" so my Nugget that came from nowhere was "Oh, ok I think I understand, so in my next marriage, I can go out with the fellas, get a bit sauced and just call up my W tell her its over just prior to getting naked and bedding another woman" Her look was priceless for the 5 seconds I stayed to see her reaction just before I wished her a nice day and left.
Sometimes just replaying their crazy and switching characters has a way of getting a point across if you can do so calmly ... trick for me was removing the sarcasm to avoid being tuned out.
H acting normal when he got home yesterday. Asked what I got up to, was vague and he said oh ok. wanted to ask him about conversation last night but remembered my STFU smoothie. Not sure whether I believe H when he said he slept with the other person in London. Part of me feels he is telling me this to hurt me, other part of me can't get the thought out of my head :-(
Went out for an hour without telling H I was going out. Came back then went to a friend's. H was quite distant. Came back and sat with a smile on my face while playing with my phone. Saw H look over a few times. Had a general chit chat then more distance when he said he was going to bed.
I am going to see my family and friends for the next 5 days. So give us some space between us. h wanted to know my leaving time etc and when I be back. Should I be non committal or tell him the date/ times. H said he needed to know to sort DS out with dinners etc.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Thank you, Wonka and Py for your advice and Bob for your prayers and thoughts.
Scarily, beginning to feel my self becoming distant towards H then the urge to be near him.
As Py states, Is the lady singing?
Wonka, you have given me some more reason to keep going and not just walk away and give up.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
dates and times seem not unreasonable. you're doing great. stay "detched" as you can be. it will only help you monitoring/reacting to your sitch. What happened to the meditation? are you practising anything? even the 5 minute centering exercise I suggested?
take care
-Py
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
"Its not an A, we are separated and I am seeing someone"
Yea, I've had this line a couple of times now.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
same NDY - as i have commented before. WASs seem to adopt hollywood version of what an A is. anything less than seedy motel rendezvous is just "friends".
Last edited by Pyrite; 07/10/1512:02 PM.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
If he did sleep with OW in London, it's just revenge sex. He's out to hurt you. I'd tell him departure times/dates etc., don't seem no harm in that. Is it worth trying a little less distancing when together?
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
