W has been ill again with her kidney stones, but at least one has passed through. W went out for a bit to do some hairdressing but has been in a laid back mood all day and has chatted every now and again.
Me and kids have been to park, watched some TV and had some food - quiet day, but compared to some in the past few months, quite pleasureable.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Wow. She is being laid back? So what behaviours did you adopt? Get that in your journal. What ever you did today worked. Keep that up.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Well, I just did what I had to do. Got up with kids and let W have a lie in for a couple of hours, did some washing, took S to shops, cooked some dinner, took kids to park etc. Nothing earth shattering; normal stuff. Maybe she realises that I actually do a lot and she's thinking again.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Nah Huddy. There was an attitude thing going on with you today. Either she changed something or you did. Either way the way you acted changed. Note actions are the focus here. What worked? What was it? Was it how you felt? How you spoke to her? Something YOU did made a difference. Figure out what that was and do more of that. Regardless of what the W is doing.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Its worth looking back at your attitude and behavior to see if it somehow influenced W's, seeing if its something that works. Just don't assume it is, sometimes they act a certain way and it has nothing to do with us. Consistent actions over time are what tells us what is and isn't working.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Its worth looking back at your attitude and behavior to see if it somehow influenced W's, seeing if its something that works. Just don't assume it is, sometimes they act a certain way and it has nothing to do with us. Consistent actions over time are what tells us what is and isn't working.
^^ like Fog said.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I don't know what has been done differently. I feel I have been behaving like my normal self. If the kids want to get up, then I get up with them and see to their needs. If we need something from the shops, I just go and do it. Kids want to go to the park, let's go. That just seems normal to me.
W went to do some hairdressing yesterday after she'd passed a stone, saying she felt a bit better. Waited for the shopping to be delivered, then off to the park. Came back, fed kids, ran bath, kids in bath before W came home. Also managed to cram in two loads of washing/hung out to dry. I have always done these things. I suppose the only difference is that I haven't told W I'm doing them.
Same again this morning. Last night, we watched a drama together and went to bed about 2240 (kids got to stay up as well). This morning, a lie in until 0930 then up with kids whilst W appears at 1030. I ask if she's OK and she replies in the positive. Just seems normal.
Maybe one of the more experienced members can maybe point out what they feel has changed in all that.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
still coasting Huddy. No one really knows, maybe she's just too tired to hark up. Maybe she has realised that you are mot such a bad guy after all. Contact with SIL? Mate, IDK? I really DK. enjoy the peace.maybe it is just new normal for her.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Ok well whatever was going on just remember the mental state you had at that time. Remember how you felt, how you thought and how you acted. Now do more of that regardless of how the W is acting. Capiche?
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Consistent actions over time are what tells us what is and isn't working.
Hello Huddy!
Fogg's comment above is so spot on. Keep doing the same things and take things one day at a time. Remember, PMA.
I always wish you well.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
