Just got back from the movie 50 First Dates...it was funny, sad, touching, and mostly funny.
I almost cried in several parts...romantic movies are not good for those whose spouses don't want them anymore.
Son and I are back home, but son is bored. Gonna have to perk him up a bit. His best friend can't hang out, so he's a bit bummed.
He's almost 13 and doesn't want me to be his best friend. Oh, well...maybe I can interest him in a game of scrabble or dominoes.... Just told him to call another friend and see if he can spend the night. I hope it works out.
Am fighting the urge to call H and hear his voice......but won't do it.
Could have gone contra dancing tonight but son isn't interested. Sounds like we are having his friend over for the evening....
Ok, am gonna pray to St. Rita some more...need help tonight.PMA isn't too high. Maybe it was the movie...too much romance for one who has none in her life.
Hugs, and prayers going out for all of you.. Akgal
Arggh...having a weak moment. I will not call him, though.
That darned movie made me feel so heartsick. I want to call him and say a lot of pursuing, needy things...so I've got to fight this impulse....NO I will not call him.
Maybe I will play a game with the boys, if they want or rent a ppv movie. Freaky Friday is playing...it's supposed to be funny.
Popcorn, sodas and another less romantic movie...ok.
Am thinking of good enough excuses to call him now. I think I am cracking! Thought I could call and ask what we should do with the dog...will his parents take him while I am in treatment and he is at work? Or should I find someone to watch him for the week? Thought I could call him and ask if there was anything he wanted done before I left...around the house and/or yard. Thought I could call him and ask if he wanted me to water his plants before I left.... Thought I SHOULD NOT CALL HIM!
He called me, he called me, lalalalalala he called me!
We talked for over half an hour. Nothing specific. A few requests for me to do some things before I leave for treatment. I am feeling pretty good.
He was quiet. Not too talkative. I had to work to get him to talk...but HE CALLED ME!
I did not say I love you. I slipped once and called him babe...but then said, oops sorry about that and repeated what I had said sans the babe at the end...LOL.
I didn't get off the phone first, but I did make sure that I sounded upbeat and productive.
He asked me to schedule a cleaning for him at the dentist. He asked me to cancel the water delivery, if we had enough. I told him I'd water his plants for him before I left.
He asked me what kind of medication I was on! This is huge. He has never been interested before now.
Wow. Maybe we can at least be friends. I am going to keep praying to ST. Rita. She is the patron saint of the impossible and she is working miracles in my life!
Do not call your H, it seems to work better and he winds up calling you!
Also, the more things you figure out on your own, like what to do with the dog etc, the more it will impress your H.
I made it a point all last year to NOT ask my H anything, not ANYTHING, about my computer, even though it stopped working, needed major repairs and upgrades.
I went out, bought a book and some magazines, educated myself, asked the help of friends who were happy to oblige, and when H and I finally became friendly again, I could tell he was impressed!! When he challenged me about a couple of my choices, I was able to defend my decisions!
So stick to your RESOLVE!!!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
What great news. Hubby is building that trust with you again. It will start with those little 'can you do this for me' things. Whether conscious or not, these little things will continue to build the trust in you that he has lost. Simple things, right.
And good going not calling. We are here to read and respond all the time, and at strange hours you know....maybe not completely coherent at the wee hours, but still here!!
I sure am hoping that is what he is trying to do. Asking for little favors to regain trust. I plan on calling tomorrow to make his appointment and am going to call and cancel the water delivery, too. Am going to water his plants today.
It's funny, but now that he is so very gone, I love doing little things for him. I so want him back.
I am trying hard not to ask for anything unless I need it. He did pick me up from other town that was an hour and a half away when I couldn't find a ride home. He also bought me a chicken dinner to go, but that was out of politeness as he got himself one for the ride, too.
He always showed his love by buying things and working and providing. I didn't get it. I always wanted more. I wanted Ily's and hugs and affection...he isn't the type to do so.
I guess when you have a dog..you shouldn't want it to act like a cat and vice versa.
I'm like a dog...love affection for no reason at all, he's like a cat...standoffish unless he wants something.
I hope that he is seeing me go to the hospital and treatment as positive moves for myself. I hope he is seeing these things as independent moves forward for me.
I am so frightened that when I get sentenced to jail time, he will see that as the perfect time to divorce me.
He has not indicated that he wants anything less and he did have the house appraised. The appraisal came in at less than what he wanted and so now he is struggling with money issues.
That may keep him from doing anything right away, but maybe not.
All I can do is keep praying to St. Rita, the patron saint of the impossible. She is truly working miracles in my life.
Cheers gang! Akgal
Ps...how should I try to get him to talk more when he calls? I waited for him several times to talk and just got silence...I asked a lot of questions to get him to answer...which he did. Still, he was pretty quiet most of the half hour we were on the phone.
I'll ask again. Last night when he called me it was like pulling teeth to get him to talk.
How should I try to get him to talk more when he calls? I waited for him several times to talk and just got silence...I asked a lot of questions to get him to answer...which he did. Still, he was pretty quiet most of the half hour we were on the phone. Any suggestions? NO R TALK, I know, but what else?????
You need to do a 180 and stop trying to hang on to the phone conversation! Do a 180 (I know this is hard!) and say you have to go and you end the conversation. You sound too CLINGY to me. And if you sound clingy to me, you probably sound clingy to him. They HATE this!
I hope you are going to rehab for YOU, and not your H! You need to do this for yourself!
When you fell THAT urge to call your H; ask yourself; "will this get me closer or farther from my goal". If you are truthful to yourself, we both know the answer to this question! Calling your H will NOT get you closer, but will only push him farther away. Unless it is an emergency with your son, I see no need for you to call. The time is not right for the calls, your H needs space, and you need to respect that.
Work on you, first, when you get better, keep working on you. You can not get your H back with the person you have become. WORK ON YOU!
Good luck! I will be checking to see how you are doing. Will not get the 2 x 4 out yet, LOL
No, I wasn't clingy last night. I just let the conversation go as long as he wanted it to go and then didn't try to prolong it. Got off phone right away when he indicated he had to go. Kept it positive with No R talk.
Yes, I know I should try to end it first, and usually I have been doing just that.
I have been trying to be needy and pursuing only on the board...LOL..not calling him has been working and I intend to keep it up. I vent here so that I don't act out with him.
I will try in the future to be the one to end calls, however. I have been doing that other than last night. Last night he sort of surprised me by calling and I was taken off guard.
I didn't ask him to take care of the dog for me..I asked if his parents had already agreed to take the dog or if I should make arrangements for him. He said his parents were taking the dog. He prefers that, anyway.
He is the one who asked that I make him an appointment and that I cancel the water delivery. I didn't suggest doing anything for him, but did act pleased to help.
I went into the hospital for me and am going to treatment for myself. I've told him I am grateful for his insurance and that he is a good man for letting me take advantage of this opportunity.
However, this is for me. I have been struggling to stay sober and realize that when I was doing it to save my marriage it wasn't working. I want to be sober and happy and healthy.
The ten days in the hospital for depression helped me more than anyone could ever know.
thanks for your concern, please put the 2x4 away, I'm still pretty fragile, Akgal
