Make is a FULL complete BIRHTDAY month, why stop at one day, we LBS's need to treat ourselves as much as we possibly can.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
My day started with a bit of a sadness. Received a text from H: “Hi Bright, happy birthday. Spaced out on sending a card. But here’s to hoping you have a great day!” I replied with thank you.
So, here is my answer for not getting a card. My immediate thoughts were that he just didn’t bother to send a card. It is not that he forgot about my b-day. My take on it is that I’m slowly fading away from his life. Which is what is expected anyway… Just sad… I think I had some expectations… again…
Sent a note to work letting them know that I will be late today. Need to collect my thoughts. I just don’t like this day today.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, Count your blessings that he did text you and wished you a a happy birthday. It's the thought that counts. Cards are great, but there are times when the thought is so much more. In fact cards are over rated. Some of us don't get either.
I don't think you are fading away into the sunset in his mind. If you were, he wouldn't have texted you at all. Yes, you did have some expectations and you need to dial them back down again. You have to remember that he's acting out and most kids don't get cards, but use the phone, email and/or text communications these days.
Again, you are very lucky he recognized your special day.
I do hope that you will enjoy the rest of your day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, as always, your posts make so much sense. Ironically, H’s text was the only one I received today. Everyone else thought that they already wished me happy b-day yesterday, which is fine. I kind of wanted to lay low today anyway. My GF from another state sent me an e-mail with b-day wishes. The person who surprised me again was my BIL (H’s brother who lives here). I came home from work and found a card from him in my mail box. With a gift certificate to a spa! It is so nice of him. I didn’t expect this. I thought that he might send a card, but not a gift certificate.
Yes, I did have expectations regarding H. And I completely agree that the cards are overrated. But, for the last couple of years he sent a card and also called me on the phone. I realized that these previous b-days were on the weekend. Today was a work day and he probably didn’t think that I would pick up the phone anyway. He could have left a message though… As for the cards, I suspect that he also stopped sending them to his relatives and friends after he joined the FB. Now he can just communicate on FB.
OK, I think I had enough of analyzing. At the end of the day… he did remember my B-day and sent a text, and even made an excuse for not sending a card.
And, I think a couple of my coworkers forgot about my b-day today, and I’m glad they did. I didn’t want any attention today. So, I’m enjoying a quiet evening with a glass of wine.
Tomorrow, I have a happy hour with a few people from work. Life is good!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
So, lesson learnt again… Here it goes out of the window my “stinking” thinking… All my assumptions about H’s older brother and his wife went wrong. I received a nice b-day card from them today. That was a nice surprise after I thought that they did write me off.
On another note… Is H going completely off the rails? I accidentally wondered to his FB page and saw he had more friends. So, I looked… It seems that he added a few people from that state he is currently working at. One of the profiles was of a woman with very explicit picture (unbuttoned shirt exposing, ummm, most of the package). And she looks very cheap. I guess H is just adding anybody and everybody he meets to his friends on FB. It is kind of weird to see the profiles with the picture of families with kids next to these self-proclaimed “models”.
I keep asking myself if this a replay behavior, or he was always like this, just dialed it down when he was married to me?
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I had a feeling that you would be getting a card from your in-laws. I had to chuckle because you had assumed that they had written you off. They probably posted your card late Friday or Saturday and thought you would get it on Monday. Because the mail moves slowly w/no Sunday delivery, it was delayed...but at least you got a card! Stinking thinking is not a good thing and it always brings you down.
No, I don't think your h is going off the rails. Plenty of people put photos out there like the ones you described. His friends may have friends that are now inviting your h to join them on their pages. Just because he's gotten a "few" questionable ones doesn't mean he actually knows them. But it will be interesting to see how all of this plays out. Eventually the novelty of FB will wear off, i.e., just as replay will.
Keep the focus on you!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Those "questionable" ones are actresses and models that people follow on Facebook, or that actively try to recruit followers by "friending" random guys. Many younger men I know on FB have those in their friend group. It's common.They like to look at the pictures of hot women - go figure!
Kml, I actually never thought about actresses and models on FB. It totally makes sense. I think H has one of those on his list. But this recent one that he “befriended” is definitely not and actress or a model. Maybe in her own mind. Her profile picture is rather disgusting. And… H is not a young man. I do get it that he is in his teenage mood though… Besides, he’s got his Playboy, LOL.
Job, H has always been a social butterfly. After just a couple of social interactions he could easily refer to people as “friends”. So, it is not unusual for him to get/send friends requests on FB from/to these people. I don’t know if he would accept the requests from the people he never met though. I doubt it… But… anything is possible… I’m just questioning the choice of friends. Or, not questioning… Just observing…
As for the novelty of the replay, I don’t know… He’s been in it for the last 3 years, at least. I thought it dwindled down at some point. But, now, it looks like he back in it in full swing. It doesn’t look like it is going to wear off any time soon. I don’t know… I think I’m just losing the patience with this MLC thing. Or, maybe it is not MLC anymore. It is just who H is these days.
Last edited by BrightFuture; 06/04/1504:01 AM.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Happy belated birthday, BF! I hope this is the best year ever:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Happy belated birthday Bright. Just dropped by to see how you are and I am glad to read that you're doing so well. Best wishes that this next year is full of limitless possibilities for you my friend.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
.