I’ve been very busy and haven’t been on the DB Forum much at all for a few days, sorry about that.
What’s new with you? How are you? Any GAL activities planned for the weekend?
Please take care,
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Still in no contact with the STBX, however things are going really well for me.
Continuing to go to CoDA, IC, GALing hard every weekend and every week day I can spare. Tuesday still remains my one day out of the week that I don't have anything really planned but it gives me a day to do the things I probably need to do (grocery shop, various errands, etc.)
The final developments that occurred 2 weeks ago and since then have spoken volumes about the future of the relationship between me and the STBX. Since then she's unfriended me on FB and unlisted me as her H, which does sting a little but it hasn't stopped me from enjoying life.
I have started seeing someone and I know it's REALLY early to be doing so. We're remaining friends, taking things slow, enjoying each other's company and having lots of discussions about what having a healthy relationship means to each of us. Turns out that while she wasn't married she had a very similar experience to me when she got out of her last relationship.
I've discussed her with my IC and he mentioned that the important reason not to get into new relationships right away was because then people don't have enough time to reflect on things that went wrong in the previous relationship and how to go about fixing them.
I think that, with CoDA and the relationship/communication books I've read, I'm on a good trajectory. Sure, I will mess up something along the way but it's being able to recognize it, owning it, and fixing it that is probably the most important thing I've picked up along my journey. I know I am not perfect, just perfectly human.
Me:33 W:34 T:13 M:8.5 D mentioned & S 2/13/15 "We can never get back together" 4/2/15 Visited & Mentioned she hasn't filed 4/20/15 "I want to have cats back" 5/4/15 Served D papers 5/8/15
I've discussed her with my IC and he mentioned that the important reason not to get into new relationships right away was because then people don't have enough time to reflect on things that went wrong in the previous relationship and how to go about fixing them.
Its good you're speaking with IC about this and i think the advice your IC gave you is very important. Today, after almost 6 months of being in my sitch I realized an important aspect of the dysfunction in my M. It does take time for us to process and reflect on everything.
Good to hear you're doing so well, good luck and keep us updated.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Your IC and these folks are right. I'd say you're making a tremendous mistake, but it's obvious you aren't in control. If you had the strength to make your own decisions you might be able to realize that what you are doing is MORE destructive than what your WAS did. But it appears that you don't. Too bad. Your wife stumbled, and instead of manning up to save the M you gave up and free fell. You may regret this for the rest of your life, but maybe you can comfort yourself by telling yourself you couldn't have done any better. Which maybe is true for you.
Now, I challenge you to go to my thread and read my last post.
Yes I'm fiery. While the future is unknown things aren't looking good for my M. I don't take kindly to see others blowing a chance to save theirs.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
