My XH and I haven't been talking since our last blow up a few weeks ago. I was doing ok but had to see him today for work and the anxiety is back. It's hard to believe that he doesn't feel the same as I do. He didn't want to hold our family together. I often wonder if he is happy and if this is everything he thought it would be.
Here is what I am struggling with now. He works for me now since I bought him out. After a blowup he resigned and asked me to find a replacement. Then when I did he blew up and asked me to reconsider. We haven't spoken since and I don't know how to set him free without another blowup. I feel bad and feel like I am a traitor by letting him go. He can use the income but I also feel it's been too easy for him. He has started working from home and has a really stress free flexible schedule. I don't think he works more than 10 hours a week for me. I am ready to set him free so that he can see what life without me is really like but I don't know why I am struggling. I feel he is my family and I am doing him wrong.
Why do I feel this sense of loyalty when he had no issue leaving his family?
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
Why do I feel this sense of loyalty when he had no issue leaving his family?
Because you were the one to stand up for your family? Because you are the healthier person? Because you are moving on with your life and can put things in perspective? Take your pick. I'm betting D) all of the above.
You have to decide what's best for you. You owe him nothing. How you treat him at this point is based on you living by your values. It may mean doing something that pisses him off or it may mean not and having to deal with the anxiety of him still being in your life. What will allow you to be true to yourself?
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Thats right. As LBS, you are concentrating on doing the work and keeping things together, while the other is craving independence fueled by resentment & rebellion. The two of you are not on the same page. Be strong & stand up for what is right (but make sure you think about it, don't just react).
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Thank you all. Great advice. Sometimes I need some direction from someone who is looking in from the outside.
Is it me or does the WAS keep coming back just when you think they are done? My XH wasn't speaking to me until we saw each other yesterday. Now I'm getting texts about stupid stuff. Is it just a way to engage in conversation with me or am I looking too much into it? If you hate me so much why don't you just stay away!
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
Garage door just opens. I run to see who it is. I get there just as it's closing and see XH feet. I think he dropped the kids stuff off in the garage but never gave me notice he was coming by. I don't have access to your place why does he feel it's ok? How does he know I will be alone???
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
