Starting new thread, so great time to renew my focus on me and my personal growth. I look forward to having the gift of time of many weeks without H this summer. He will be gone almost all of July for work, so prime space to work on a new and improved ME.
I have started to realize a great deal of my unhappiness was brought on by myself. In my M, I forgot to make myself a priority. Instead I focused too much on helping make my H's dream (school) a reality. Especially given what is going on now, for what?! Quite frankly, I think it was just an excuse though. It is scary to have to look at yourself and your own dreams and how to make it all a reality. Much easier to focus energy on others.
My goals for next three months:
-- Lose an additional 18 lbs by end of summer. I have already lost around 25. -- Take do a creative class-art, graphic design, photography, etc. -- Make some new friends and try some new Meetup groups. -- Work on figuring out next career move. I am in a bit of a transition spot. -- Get out and enjoy the summer with some weekend trips with friends.
Overall, figure out what happened to the fun and lively person my H married. Sad part is that I have a hard time remembering who that person was.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Overall, figure out what happened to the fun and lively person my H married. Sad part is that I have a hard time remembering who that person was.[/quote]
Ditto to me too BW. Looking forward to hear how you process with focusing on you 100%.
Me: 39 yrs H:45 yrs M:14 years T:18 years D:10 D:6 BD: 13/04/15 S: in progress
Advice need please, but I think I know the answer. H's bday is next week. I plan on doing nothing, not even a card since I have been fired as his wife and he certainly is not acting like friend with deceit and lying. This is the right decision, right? He did get me something for my bday a month ago. This would be major 180 for me.
Also, are there any thoughts on getting definitive answer to A in my home- i.e. Private investigator?
Last edited by BW05; 06/02/1508:20 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Advice need please, but I think I know the answer. H's bday is next week. I plan on doing nothing, not even a card since I have been fired as his wife and he certainly is not acting like friend with deceit and lying. This is the right decision, right? He did get me something for my bday a month ago. This would be major 180 for me.
I didn't get anything from me for my W's bday a few weeks ago. It feels bad, but I wouldn't get him anything.
I have thought about that. I guess if I did not think it was happening in my home, I would let it go. I have found hair and that might be enough. Again, I already know he is lying anyway. It is just the home part that bugs me. I also would know who OW is. Not sure it us important though.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
BW, Only you can decide as to whether or not you want to get him a card for his birthday. If you do opt to get a card and that is a big "if", keep it as a general card, nothing more.
Now, about the PI...they are extremely expensive and it could take a while for a PI to locate and identify the person that your h is with. Your h, now that you've apprised him of the fact that you are on to him, will keep this person a secret and will be extremely careful because he will think you are following him and/or have a PI available. I waited about 3 months before I hired a PI and by that time, he felt comfortable enough to think I wouldn't be smart enough to do it and that's when I caught them, i.e., photos do not lie, nor do vehicle tag numbers. I know that when I found evidence of something very similar to what you found, I confronted him and he accused me of all sorts of snooping and following him, etc. I just laughed and walked away. Their minds are already full of guilt and that plays into the paranoia that they develop.
Best advice...keep what you have as evidence in a safe place. Keep what you have discovered close to the vest and allow him to squirm. Don't tell him what you've got on him. The less you say, the more he'll spill. Listen closely and no matter what, don't argue w/him. When they get angry, their lips flap and will tell on themselves. It's going to be difficult, but you are going to have play this very, very cool. Smile and continue as you have been...they can't stand it.
