Thank you for this new perspective, Wonka! Very helpful.
Hello kippz,
I am fairly new to your situation--what a tough spot to be in.
As Cadet wrote when you joined, "Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice."
Please try to post as frequently as you can, even if it just a quick little update. That helps us help you. I'll be checking in on you from time to time.
You can do this -- especially with the help of people like Wonka, and many other wise vets and newbies. I may just start the "Wonka Fan Club" as she has helped me with "golden" advice so many times, in fact, just earlier today.
Try to keep a PMA and GAL. They really have helped me endure 7 months of tough times. The people on this forum - priceless!
Your new friend,
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Yesterday, when he said again for the nth time that he doesn't have the same feelings for me. I wasn't hurt anymore. I didn't cry anymore. For the first time, I didn't say we still have hope. I just said okay. I was so surprised at myself but really can't bring myself to cry or beg anymore like before. I'm feeling better too. I guess this is good.
As I mentioned earlier, he said that he doesn't love me anymore the nth time. I used to beg for another chance but now I would like to move on with or without him. He's under my medical insurance at work because the benefits are better and less employee contribution and co pay. His work insurance costs 20 times more. Would removing him and of course letting him know beforehand signal this or is this a bad idea? Thanks in advance to all!
As I mentioned earlier, he said that he doesn't love me anymore the nth time. I used to beg for another chance but now I would like to move on with or without him. He's under my medical insurance at work because the benefits are better and less employee contribution and co pay. Would removing him and of course letting him know beforehand signal this or is this a bad idea? Thanks in advance to all!
Hello kippz, I'm so sorry you're here, but you couldn't have found a better place.
A couple observations - 1) remember not to believe anything he says and only 50% of his actions. Also, just because he says he's not in love with you today doesn't mean he won't always not be in love with you. He's veryvemotional right now and will say all sorts of things. You're doing good to let them roll off.
2) I'm a little unclear what you want to gain from taking him off of your insurance. How does this bring you closer to your goal? (Which I assume is related to revitalizing your marriage). Instead of taking punitive actions on him, show him you're moving on by getting your own life. Find ways to make yourself happy without him. Then you will actually be able to move on! Punishing him doesn't really do anything for you outside of the temporary high of revenge.
^^Agree with Matt. Any action you take that's solely designed to shock him into thinking a certain way wont work, its just another form of control that might backfire on you.
The best way to show him your moving on with your life with or without him is to actually believe it yourself and start living. You don't need to move on from him, but definitely move forward with your own life.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
It is so good that I have this forum to turn to when I'm not sure of what I'm doing, or when I'm just too emotional to see the right thing to do.
Now that you've told me your perspective, you are right, I realize that now. I'm glad I consulted you guys before doing anything otherwise it would have been another disaster! I didn't end up doing it and he and I didn't have a bad night at all.
Fogg, I now get the difference between moving on with my life and moving on from him.
Update- Thursday, he had an IC appointment. He came back and told me all about it. He said he told the shrink he wants to patch things up with me (where did this come from?). He then started showing me everything in his phone- texts, contacts, call log.
Saturday, he comes home early from work and took me and the kids to dinner and frozen yogurt. He says he wants to work on our M. Then he rents DVDs and goes in our room (currently just my room) and says let's watch these. It caught me off guard. I don't know if I've mentioned it but he hasn't slept in our room for a couple of weeks now. After watching, he went back to his bed, the couch.
Not sure what's happening but I told him I kind of don't know what to make of these.
