Heartbreak Warfare

[V2pt0]

Spent almost entire day with H. Ask me if I wanted to walk dog together, then if I wanted to go store with him. Hung out in same room together, made him real laugh a couple of times together, ate dinner together, etc. Could have been any normal day before BD accept no affection. Trying to keep calm and have no expectations. Not sure what to think and don't want to get hopes up. But overall one of the best days in a long time.

[V2pt0]

Almost let a very good day get off track by getting slightly emotional (watery eyes) toward end of tonight. H asked about three times why I was getting emotional and I just said I did not want to chat about it yet. I tried to hide it best I could and went upstairs for a bit. Until he starts to open up first, I will not go there. I felt I did a pretty good job of not letting it get out of control. I could tell he did have a really good time as well. The happiest and most relaxed H has been with me since BD.

[Matt777]

Slow and steady, BW. It's hard to not get emotional after good times, but stick to it. Keep making your interactions positive. Wishing you strength.

[V2pt0]

Thanks, Matt. Feels hard to navigate right now. I am still doing LRT and DB, but trying to let my guard down a little. I will keep slow and steady in mind. Left this for business trip this week. Will not text or call H all week. I will let him make any contact. The good news is this conference will be good GAL and will be super busy, so I plan to have nice reprieve from this whole thing this week.

Question...this am H dropped me off at airport. Asked me again about why I was emotional. I just ignored the comment, said thanks, and went into airport. I later did sent message that basically said I want to share thoughts and feelings, but feeling too vulnerable because this type of convo requires mutual openness from. Thanked him for ride and said have good week. He sent reply that said have good week. Sorry.

Was this bad move? Maybe I should not have sent anything, but he kept asking. This is so hard!

[Bob723]

Was this bad move? Maybe I should not have sent anything, but he kept asking. This is so hard!

Hello BW,

Yes, this is so hard, but your M is worth it. Please take it one day at a time and keep a PMA, it seems to help me.

I'm not one of the vets, but you probably shouldn't have mentioned your feelings, especially the part where you wrote "feeling too vulnerable because..." You want to be more mysterious that than. Believe me (please!) I have messed up so many times with talks ot texts, etc but you know what they say about hindsight. It's one minor bump in the road for you and this will pass.

Vets, any others have anything to add? BW sure could use our help now.

*Hugs*

Bob

[V2pt0]

Thanks, Bob. I see you posting on so many treads. You are doing an amazing job of giving so many on here support.

I realize that I really need to find a different outlet for my feelings and should have just ended the night earlier when I started to get emotional. That way it would not have even come up. Luckily, I think overall the positives of our interactions outweigh this minor blip. It's not like I was an emotional wreck or started balling in front of H. You live, you learn.

Luckily, I have a week of distance to from H. Having a great time do far at conference that there has been little time to focus on all of this. It is good for PMA as I am reminded how successful I have been with career.

[V2pt0]

Yes! Day two and very little thought of H and NC from my end. Not a peep from H either, but that was expected.

Being away this week for work, I have come to the realization that my H and I have not spent enough time apart through this whole thing. How the heck is he going to miss me when we are hanging out so much?! I will say this has been mutually decided and not just happening because of me. I think there is a bit of codependency on both sides.

While I have pretty much stuck to the LRT and GAL, I have too easily been drawn back in by H, but only of course on his terms. He is controlling the entire flow of everything right now and I need to cut him off and take back that power from him. I think the part I was having an issue with was when I pulled back it agitated H. The rational response or reaction on my part was that this was bad and that I should avoid upsetting H. But it is his own doing if he is agitated and is not my issue.i am jumping too much at the privilege of being given opportunity to hang out with H. Also, have no desire to be out late multiple times a week, so more often I am home before H. So he does not get to see GAL

Because the response feels unnatural, it is easy to think I am doing something bad. I think I need to decline some of his requests.

Is this accurate vets? Is it a typically ok if H is upset/angry in this Situation? Any tips for creating more mystery when you are not into being out late and home before H?

[Matt777]

I'm not a vet by any means, but it only makes sense that he would get angry. He wants it all and by you stopping the pursuit, it's not following what he wants. I think that you need to continue to stay strong and do things for you. You can't control his reactions, so it isn't your fault that he chooses to get upset.

I think your head is in the right place. He needs to miss you to really see what he's losing.

[job]

In the distant/pursuit game, they will become anger, throw temper tantrums and even try being overly nice to you. Why? To get you to take the bait and return to pursuing. The less you pursue, the better and yes, their reactions can and will be unpredictable...just don't react to their behavior.

BTW, you are on the right track because he surely can't miss you if you are available all of the time. Slowly decline some of the invites and live your life to the fullest. Trust me, he's going to do something to get your attention and attempt to get you back into the game.

Stay the course. You've got the right idea about being less available.

[V2pt0]

Thanks, Matt and Job. I need to learn that temper tantrums and anger from H is probably a good thing. If he didn't care there would be no need to react.


Last day at conference. I have made to NO attempts to contact H. After such a good day on Sunday, it is disappointing that H has not even bothered to check in on me to see how trip is going. Guess that means he is still not thinking about me. I know I should not let this bother me, but it still hurts that he has overnight been able to act as if 14 years never existed. It is slowly getting easier.