Just caught up on your sitch and am happy that you see you need to back off .... and like you have been 2x4'd with .. putting that 2 month time frame on it was a mistake one I think you have understood .. atleast I hope you have.
Here is a little piece of advice, I have been at this .. what .. almost 19 months now ... yes ... that is not a typo .. 19 long tough months. I made a huge mistake in putting a time frame on things, however I did not find this place until 8 months after the BD.
The one thing I take out of your sitch is the dependency, the feeling of .. "ok if I leave you alone for 2 months then will you love me" ... NO .. stop that. I get detachment is tough and it stinks, believe me I have no stage to tell you to detach because I still struggle with it. You so have to start getting yourself right because she will test you now, both consciously and unconsciously ... point being .. being late, apologizing because she was most likely expecting you to ask where she was, with who, why she was late and if you did you know she would have blasted your little kayak out of the water. You past the first little test, there will be more and if you are not at a place where it does not bug you .... I fear your poker face (Which needs work) is going to sell you out ... I am telling you this from experience, these things set me back a bit.
So ... now that you know its more than 2 months .. infact you need to keep at this till she comes to you remorseful and wanting to do anything to work on the M, till she chases YOU. You now have to dive into some GAL things to keep you off the field and out of her game ... This is the tricky part .. and even when she wants to work on things these same GALs will save you when you need to step back and think about things.
For example, I joined a church group once a week, go riding on the Harley I bought .. for me (180).. softball once a week, when I have S 3 times a week we do homework, I cook, we also go to the park/batting cages/movies .. That leaves me with 1 night I do not have anything planned and I end up cleaning, laundry, that type of thing.
Things may get better for you .. or they may get worse, there are changes to make regardless ... time to use this period and focus less on her, more on you.
Never say never. No matter how determined you are not to backslide, you will. It's not a perfect world out there and there will be times when you accidently do something that will create a backslide. Learn to accept that you are only human and we humans make mistakes. That's why God put erasers on pencils. No one is perfect except the man upstairs.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just caught up on your sitch and am happy that you see you need to back off .... and like you have been 2x4'd with .. putting that 2 month time frame on it was a mistake one I think you have understood .. atleast I hope you have.
Here is a little piece of advice, I have been at this .. what .. almost 19 months now ... yes ... that is not a typo .. 19 long tough months. I made a huge mistake in putting a time frame on things, however I did not find this place until 8 months after the BD.
The one thing I take out of your sitch is the dependency, the feeling of .. "ok if I leave you alone for 2 months then will you love me" ... NO .. stop that. I get detachment is tough and it stinks, believe me I have no stage to tell you to detach because I still struggle with it. You so have to start getting yourself right because she will test you now, both consciously and unconsciously ... point being .. being late, apologizing because she was most likely expecting you to ask where she was, with who, why she was late and if you did you know she would have blasted your little kayak out of the water. You past the first little test, there will be more and if you are not at a place where it does not bug you .... I fear your poker face (Which needs work) is going to sell you out ... I am telling you this from experience, these things set me back a bit.
So ... now that you know its more than 2 months .. infact you need to keep at this till she comes to you remorseful and wanting to do anything to work on the M, till she chases YOU. You now have to dive into some GAL things to keep you off the field and out of her game ... This is the tricky part .. and even when she wants to work on things these same GALs will save you when you need to step back and think about things.
For example, I joined a church group once a week, go riding on the Harley I bought .. for me (180).. softball once a week, when I have S 3 times a week we do homework, I cook, we also go to the park/batting cages/movies .. That leaves me with 1 night I do not have anything planned and I end up cleaning, laundry, that type of thing.
Things may get better for you .. or they may get worse, there are changes to make regardless ... time to use this period and focus less on her, more on you.
Hope. What sorts of things, if your husband came out of his fog, would allow you to like him again? Trust him again?
Just curious to hear from the other side of the coin.
I wish my H would notice the little things, but he doesn't.
He will have to earn my trust. Being transparent is a very good start. He was transparent about some things such as he received an email from an ex-girlfriend, he told me about it. Which that happened a couple of times and he asked me how he should handle that and I told him do not reply back. I assume he didn't. So he was earning my trust back, but then I snooped and found other text messages to his co-worker about me and that destroyed everything, at least for me.
Sounds like you are on the right track. Keep it up and you will see her take notice. I wish my H would.
