Ugh. Moving out SAT, but the ww and I have procrastinated, so haven't had the talk with the boys. We both agree we are going to keep it to the seperation not divorce or house for sale because those things are down the road. Want to stagger and get them adjusted to it. Since we seperated 3 years ago, they boys handled it well and I'm sure they will do well here too, more than me.
WW texted me to see if I think we should go out to eat someplace nice and tell them. Wanted my suggestions as to where. I'm really triggered and started to feel sad with "the talk". I know it will go better than I expect, but just another feeling of things getting more finalized. Especially as she's the one pushing it.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Rip, It looks like you are handling the upcoming transition well. Continue to be confident in the face of uncertainty.
Now is the time to really be a rock for your sons. Be at peace that you are doing everything possible to potentially save your MR and take care of yourself for their sake and your own.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
I'm trying to. The sad thing is sometimes I'm with them, I feel like I let them down, because this is my fault - it's not, I know that, but they deserve to have a complete home with a mom and a dad that both love them and in that aspect, I feel like I failed them.
I will take it in stride. At least this will be something ww and I can be on the same side on and be cordial, polite and unified. As weird as it sounds, that may actually be nice.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Went as well as I thought it could. The boys understood and had no questions, very resilient. Afterwards ww and I talked about selling the house and she brought up she needs to leave tomorrow night because it hurts her to much to see me go after 14 years. Said she had a breakdown Monday. I just spent time validating and listening to her.
I actually feel really good. Excited to move out and now that the boys know, not worried or have any more scary conversations to have.
I really think she's going to continue to push through the divorce and will continue the affair. No talk of reconciliation or wanting anything to change. Right now I'm ok and good with that. I actually feel like I'm dropping the rope and it feels amazing!
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Right now I'm ok and good with that. I actually feel like I'm dropping the rope and it feels amazing!
Glad to hear you felt it went well. I'm really impressed with how good you are doing these days, Rip. Keep it up!
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Thanks. I saw my ic today. She said in the 5 years she's known me I am the healthiest physically, mentally and emotionally she's ever seen.
I told her it's because I chose to work on me and be the best me possible with this time, rather than just let my ww bring me down and depressed.
Was happy my ic and others notice this, but told her I was sad that my ww is the one who doesn't. We both agreed it is because she is still having the affair
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Talk went as well with the kids as possible. They seem resiliant, no questions. Didn;t discuss D or house going up for sales, just that we'll be in different places, that we love them, that it's not their fault and 50/50 split time. Afterwards ww and I talked for about 1 1/2 hours. She said that even though she wanted the D, it's still hard on her. Said she had a breakdown Monday and cried all day. Then said she would rather not be at the house tonight when I pack, because it's too hard to see. Finally, she wanted to talk about the temporary payments and was saying she would agree to what my lawyer and I proposed for a counter offer. She was much more agreeable and communicating with me, when normally her MO is to avoid anything uncomfortable. I really feel I didn't pursue or give in. When she cried and talked about how hard it is, I STFU and didn't validate much.
Today I started to get triggered by small things and then try and bring myself back. I have an opportunity to work on me and make myself better. She is still seeing OM, she still is pursuing D. Nothing I can do about that. Plan now is to go dark, GAL and keep a PMA.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Update: the move went great. The day of the move ww was off and seemed pretty sad. She was almost overly nice and accommodating. She gave me different things around the house she thought I would need and went to the store to buy Tupperware because she knew I wouldn't remember them and have tons of food I couldn't save. As I left I looked her in the eyes and told her to take care of herself. She looked like she was going to cry and told me to do the same.
After that spent the weekend with the boys getting settled, setting up things and with friends from out of town. Had a blast with the kids and friends yesterday doing barbecue and outdoor games.
I dropped the kids off at the house this morning so today is my first day alone in the new place. I'm keeping busy by doing a 1 1/2 hour long workout, some laundry and chores around the place. I may go shopping and return some items and if it stays nice, relax by the pool. Was hoping to meet up with some friends later, but if not I'll prob stay home and watch a movie.
Trying to get used to this change and be ok with the constant feelings coming and going. Ww texted me about something I forgot out the house, but it's not important, so I won't respond. Going to be hard to interact with her as she'll be dropping boys off at 530 or so in the morning and never coming up. She may even pick them up on her days to minimize that. We'll have to see where this goes, but I can use help on how to maximize the limited interactions we will have. Suggestions are definitely appreciated.
"The Phoenix must burn to emerge." I feel reborn.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
